What's Left Of Me
by AnalystProductions
Summary: He remembered that day: "I hate you so much I wish you didn't exist!" -Be careful what you wish for, it may come true. When it does, his whole world crashes. Can Chad set things right- or is it too late for happy endings and second chances this time? CxS
1. Prologue

**I am so nervous about this (probably because I'm listening to "Army of Justice" by Two Steps from Hell as I'm writing this AN xD) I've kind of been _dying _to get this story going! I'm going away on saturday, and I'm _so excited_ about this story that I kind of couldn't bear to leave this and post it in two weeks time when all it would be doing is sitting on my computer.**

**I want to thank everyone who read the PROMO. I will keep the PROMO up to let you know update dates and release Promos for the crucial chapters :) **

**I hope you enjoy this story, I am having a blast making it. **

Warning: Rated T due to intense scenarios and situations that may be overwhelming for young readers below 12.

He remembered that day: "I hate you so much I wish you didn't exist!" -Be careful what you wish for, it may come true. When it does, his whole world crashes. Can Chad set things right- or is it too late for happy endings and second chances this time?

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Sonny Monroe, the _**L**__ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2009

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

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**0****. PROLOGUE .0**

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It was a normal day for Sonny in the So Random prop house. She had been reading her magazine quietly, content with her own company, until _he _showed up. As much as she attempted to be annoyed, the routine had changed a while ago. She was unable to control the contagious smile spreading moronically over her face, and exploding balls of sunshine had almost brought down the roof. He had sauntered in, a little bit _over _confident, and sat down beside her with a grin; because he knew just what exactly he did to Little miss Sonshine whenever he got within a mile radius. Being the one to light up her world was something else- and he had to agree it _definitely _beat being "frenemies", or whatever they had been.

He had wrapped an arm around her, the pair of them talking. Not arguing, just talking, laughing, and exchanging warm smiles. However, both of them knew that pretty soon it would be time for their daily argument, which never was anything serious, it was just a strange thing they felt compelled to do. Their bickering hadn't faded as their relationship grew. For example, after Chad Dylan Cooper had been sitting there for exactly twenty-five minutes, he said something egotistical, and Sonny slammed the magazine down, turning to face him.

"Chad, I hate you." She said with a big smile on her face that begged to differ.

Raising his eyebrows, Chad leant back casually on the sofa with a smug grin. Oh how that was _so far _from the truth. She didn't do a very good job covering it up. He felt his grin soften into something genuine as his eyes met hers mischievously.

"No, you _love _me." Adjusting the collar of his shirt cockily, he watched her pull over a playful expression. Over the two years Sonny had known him, he sure had matured into a drop-dead gorgeous _god_- she meant human being. She made a mental note to never say that aloud, for she feared his ego would take over the planet.

"Do I Chad? Do I _really?" _

Two years on and she was _still _quoting his lines, lines that weren't even used on the show anymore. As the Mackenzie Falls stars matured, and the Randoms, both of their shows had matured into entertaining shows for young adults. The quotes of the past had now just become a Sonny and Chad thing, which was ok. He liked it. Sitting up and grabbing her hands innocently, it was his turn to roll the next line.

"Yes you do. _Really." _

He could feel Sonny's pulse racing as his fingers grazed past her wrists, and that was all it took for his arrogance to takeover. _Ha-ha I win every time. _Everybody thought since he was dating Sonny Monroe, his ego would decrease a little, but _oh no, _it had gotten worse; much worse. Now he had something to flaunt and live for other than himself, it seemed that his head had got one hundred times larger. Sometimes it was just _unbearable. _But then, the brunette had got a little more stubborn too.

"How do you _know _I love you?"

She took her hands from his reluctantly. It was clear she hadn't wanted to move them away, yet wining this playful banter was now her main focus. Scoffing at her words, Chad gazed up at the ceiling egoistically, as if he was imagining himself as an idol with millions of teens crowding around him. His eyes misted over a little.

"Sonny, who _doesn't _love me?"

Sonny rolled her eyes- it was ego deflation time. She thumped him in the arm, bringing him back to reality. Clasping his hand to his arm, he gasped at his girlfriend in fake shock.

"_Ouch." _He frowned at his arm in displeasure.

Tilting her head in mock sympathy, Sonny smirked a little.

"Awww does Chaddy-Waddy want me to kiss it better?" her tone went _beyond _patronising, but it didn't faze him at all. Glancing down at his arm, he pouted.

"Abso_lutely._" Once he had rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, her smooth lips had caressed the skin. He felt his heart stutter a little.

"You know, other places hurt too." He said before he could stop himself, rather _desperately_ too. Sonny raised her eyebrows at her boyfriend, a little satisfied that he had caved before she had.

"Everywhere hurts." He added, trying to be nonchalant, but failing miserably. He crinkled his nose a little, groaning. Funny how Sonny Monroe could drain him of all confidence in less than a second. He knew it was coming and after a long silence built up he sighed. Meeting her eyes, a small smile tugged at his lips.

"Just _say it _Monroe."

Sonny giggled in the most adorable way, causing a chuckle to escape from his lips. She caught his belligerent sapphire eyes in a captivating stare as she wore a toothy grin.

"Chad Dylan Cooper turns to complete and utter _mush_ when I'm around."

There was no point in trying to deny it. It was the undeniable truth. Part of him loved it, part of him hated it. Watching Sonny bask in her moment of glory, Chad felt that warm, fuzzy feeling bubble up inside, and on reflex, he pressed his lips to hers. The moment his lips left hers, he caught her stumbling forwards, trying to steal another kiss. Grinning, Chad's ego expanded. Sonny mimicked Chad's previous behaviour and stubbornly folded her arms over her chest.

"Just _say it, _Cooper._" _

He didn't hesitate, wanting to rub it in as soon as he possibly could.

"Sonny Monroe is completely and utterly _incapable _of resisting Chad Dylan Cooper and his amazing lips."

There was no point in trying to deny it. It was the undeniable truth. Part of her loved it, part of her hated it. The pair finally met eyes, and when they did, both of them burst into spontaneous laughter at their ridiculously stupid conversation. She rested her head on his shoulder, and he rested his head on hers, pulling her closer. In the silence, they sat cheerfully, wishing that they could stay like this forever, and ever.

But nothing lasted forever. There was no point in trying to deny it. It was the undeniable truth.

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_…Five years later…_

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There were three things that twenty-three year old Chad Dylan Cooper was pissed off about tonight. The one night that was supposed to be the _best night _of his entire career, was in fact the worst. This was for three reasons. Three stupid reasons that to _anybody else _would sound completely childish and ludicrous. But this was Chad Dylan Cooper, and if he had reasons, then they had to be justifiable. He gritted his teeth tightly, grinding them together with intense force. The first reason was simple. It was bounding past him right now, oblivious to his presence.

Sonny Monroe.

His blood boiled. Oh, how he just _hated _her. He couldn't stand that exploding ball of sunshine. No. It wasn't hate- but it certainly wasn't love anymore. Ever since that day two years ago, well…they were now currently on bad terms constantly. He had no choice but to be a jerk to her, it was the only form of communication he had left with her. Subtly, his eyes darted over to the brunette in a short red cocktail dress. It looked so _perfect_ on her, girls all around were sharpening their manicured nails enviously on their seats. What was even _more _frustrating was the fact that she was still able to pull off wearing those stupid black converses in the most formal fashion. Then there was that _thing _with it's arm around her.

Ashford Reilly.

The most famous Hollywood actor of their generation. He wasn't a TV star, he was _movie _star. He was a _superstar. _There was no point in trying to deny it. It was the undeniable truth. From epic action blockbusters, to astonishing fantasy epics, he was the most famous person in the whole room, possibly the whole world. He had won four Oscars already…no five. _Bastard. _There he stood glamorously. In every female's eyes, he was _gorgeous. _Sleek black hair framing cinnamon skin. Complementing his complexion were striking blue eyes that were _serious _competition for Chad's. This package of every girl's dream heartthrob was dressed in a full black suit. Scoffing, Chad was unable to _control _his jealousy. Ashford Reilly was exactly the kind of man any actor could dream to be, Chad Dylan Cooper was so far from it. They were in two _completely _different leagues, and he knew for the fourth time in a row, he was going to lose "best actor" award to the international superstar.

The third reason came half way through the night, dancing on stage right on cue. When he thought the night couldn't be getting any worse, the annoying host revealed the results.

So Random had won the Best TV show award over Mackenzie Falls.

That was the cherry on the cake. He fidgeted irritably through Sonny Monroe's _sonny_ speech, thanking every single possible person she could, including that bloody Ashford Reilly. In fact, if he was correct, she'd thanked everybody, _except _him. Now the night was over, Chad had hoped to get out without having to talk to anybody. But at eleven thirty, in the empty, private parking lot, he was briskly walking towards his convertible, in a rather heated argument with none other than Sonny Monroe. It had all started when Sonny Monroe said she had something _important _to tell him. Chad Dylan Cooper refused to listen to her because if he wasn't _good _enough to be thanked in her speech along with every other person in the studio, then whatever she had to say didn't matter.

He didn't care.

"_I hate you_!" Sonny screamed into Chad's face dramatically whilst storming down the road in frustration.

For a moment, the heartthrob stood motionless, the recent shot of Sonny Monroe's beautiful brown eyes losing their vibrancy and becoming a void of loathing replayed over in his head. God he _hated _how he was the only one capable of removing the sparkle in her eyes. He was the only one able to take away the source of sunlight that he so needed every second of every day but refused to admit it. Sonny was getting further out of his reach, and he would have killed to be able to act like Chad and not Chad Dylan Cooper- but that was impossible. _Nobody _ever saw Chad, he barely existed anymore. He was an echo of the past, a mirage in the distance.

"I hate you too!" The words unconditionally left his mouth.

Instantly, the brunette came to a stop in her stunning red dress. She turned around to face Chad, and he winced a little at the sight of her. Little miss Sunshine didn't look too sunny. In fact, she looked like she'd been thrown into torrential rain, which wouldn't stop bringing her down and down _and down_. Repetitively it was there, getting under her skin. In the midst of the evening, it was uncertain whether the fast blinks were indications of rage, or whether they were to hold back a waterfall of tears. Shoving his hands in his suit pockets, Chad avoided her gaze nervously.

"Well, I hate you more." She childishly replied after a long silence.

Seven years ago, Chad would have made some snide, arrogant remark. Six years ago, Chad would have just shrugged it off, and pretended not to care. Five years ago, Chad would have offered a simple fond chuckle that would leave her basking in confusion. Four years ago, Chad he would have smiled a _genuine _smile, that had spread contagiously. Three years ago, Chad would have run a hand through her hair and ruffle it up before pulling her closer. Two years ago, he would have planted a soft kiss on her lips. But things had changed since then. So much had changed. Her voice was swathed in severity, and he feared it spoke only truth. _She hates me. She actually hates me. _Putting up a barrier to prevent the real Chad surfacing, Chad raised his eyebrows, folding his arms over his chest agitatedly.

"I don't think it's _possible_ for you to hate me more than I hate you."

He watched the bubbly brunette wince a little bit as the words gnawed her ears. She bit back with bigger resistance. An army of steel-coated letters and sharp words flew towards Chad.

"I hate you more than you could even _imagine_." She snapped, and because Chad was completely over-exaggerating everything going on in his mind, he would have told you that the raging inferno smouldering inside of Sonny's eyes was _real. _It was then Chad Dylan Cooper burst, he couldn't take it anymore. _She's being serious- she really does hate me. _Scrunching up his fists, he screwed up his face and yelled like a three-year old throwing a toy out the pram.

"I hate you enough that I wish you didn't exist!"

Gasping at him in shock, Sonny slapped him right across the cheek, her eyes beginning to water a little. That was uncalled for, and shallow. What kind of person made a wish like _that? _Oh yeah- Chad Dylan Cooper did. Rubbing his cheek, Chad narrowed his eyes at Sonny who could barely control her shock.

"You jerk, y-you _big jerk_!"

Removing his hand from his face, Chad rolled his eyes. _Oh please._

"No wonder you're on a _comedy show_- if that was supposed to make me _apologise _it didn't work. I meant what I said." There was absolutely no emotion in his voice.

A short moment of silence was broken by husky forced laughter, drenched in bitterness. He flinched a little at the sound of it, because it was so _fragile. _He had done this to her, he had broken her, and she had not managed to put herself back together again completely. The truth was, both of them were a miserable mess these days, a sorry sight.

"I know what you're _doing _Cooper. You're just_ jealous _that So Random won the best TV show award tonight over your stupid drama show." Sonny explained.

Looking the brunette directly in the eyes, Chad blinked slowly. He then diverted his attention completely away from her and took out his phone. His sudden lack of interest in their conversation hit Sonny harder than she would've liked it to. She should have expected it really, but it _always _managed to break her down when he did this. Gazing up at the clouds that began to drizzle, Chad frowned in displeasure. His frown grew when he noticed a certain brunette was _still _in his presence. Putting his phone away, realising she wasn't taking a hint, he sighed frustrated.

"In case you weren't _aware, _this is the part where you _leave _me alone, and run off with that _Adam _guy-" There was a strong emphasis on the guy's name that at first could be identified as jealousy. At first it had been. However, if you looked a little closer at the scene, you'd realise that now it was just an emphasis. Nothing more, nothing less, because Chad Dylan Cooper was a sour apple these days.

"-It's _Ash_." Sonny snapped tetchily, flinching at the bland matter-of-fact tone in the blonde's dismissive voice.

After a moment, Chad shrugged indolently and took out his phone again. He spoke distractedly to the woman beside him, as if she was nothing more than a stranger. Clenching her fists, Sonny swallowed the lump in her throat. He was such an asshole. Why did he always do this to her? She was _trying _to tell him something important, and he was just being a jerk.

"Whatever, I don't really _care _what your superstar boyfriend's name is."

Pause.

"Why are you _still here?" _

Gazing at the blonde Hollywood heartthrob, Sonny frowned. He was never going to _grow up, _he was insecure and complicated, and big-headed. Not to mention another hundred things she could add to the list but didn't bother because thinking about Chad Dylan Cooper was a chore which wasn't necessary every single day of her life. Her frown deepened to a subdued pensive stare. When she stared at Chad, her eyes screamed one thing- _sympathy. _Sympathy for the Chad on the inside who had to live with what he had become.

"I don't know _what _I saw in you." She admitted in the same distant matter-of-fact tone Chad used.

No longer fiddling with his mobile phone, Chad turned to the beautiful brunette curiously, prepared to challenge her. Narrowing his eyes he scoffed, and the monster lashed out.

"That's _rich. _Right back at you, _Sonshine." _He spat, gazing her up and down in a way that was almost degrading.

Releasing her held breath, Sonny balled her fists losing her composure. She didn't have time to deal with Chad Dylan fucking Cooper, he really wasn't worth it anymore. Every time she _tried _to let him know she wanted him in her life, he just pushed her away. Once upon a time, they were Tween Weekly's bestseller. Now they were a heartbreaking tragedy in the making. Once upon a time, they were a perfect circle of never-ending happiness and love. Now they were the dents and flaws that crushed the circle. Once upon a time, they were the brightest starts in the sky. Now they were burnt out, a forgotten story with scribbled out pages, erased chapters.

A story with a hopelessly tainted beginning was destined to have a hopelessly tainted end.

"My life would be so much better without Chad Dylan Cooper to ruin it all the time." Sonny stated honestly, and the words stung. The words cut like a sharpened blade to the skin, because Chad _knew _it wasn't a lie. There was no point in trying to deny it. It was the undeniable truth. Of _course_ she'd better off without him in her life. He was the heavy anchor dragging her down into a restless ocean of despair constantly when she could be flying in cloudless skies. He was the betraying pistol that shot her in the back each and every time she came close enough to touch a dream. Shoving the thoughts out of his head, Chad put on his mask.

"Would it Sonny, would it _really_?" He taunted, a little too mockingly for her liking.

The Mackenzie Falls quote was no longer a funny joke between them. This time it was a weapon, and it exploded perilously around them. The chain reaction progressed, and if Chad Dylan Cooper told you everything around them had combust into a raging inferno, he wouldn't be lying because the fierce atmosphere compressing around them was enough to set the _world _on fire. Pursing her lips tightly together, Sonny was about to say something when she found she couldn't. They had never argued _this _badly before- it had _never _gotten this bad. It was obvious now, that this was going to be the last time they would talk. This was going to be the last time they exchanged words.

That all too familiar feeling of her heart smashing into a thousand pieces overwhelmed her, like it did every time his predatory mannerism had her pinned down like the subordinate prey. She was inferior. The swell in her throat advanced, depriving her of air. Unable to control it, Sonny burst into tears. This was the end. She turned her back on Chad Dylan Cooper for what she knew would be the last time.

Chad didn't take a single second to gaze over his shoulder at the brunette as they went their separate ways. Walking lividly away from the sunlight and into the ominous storm cloud ahead was the most agonising moment of his life. Each step he took, it got darker, it got colder. Chad Dylan Cooper being Chad Dylan Cooper refused to acknowledge how he was wallowing in shadows of what-ifs and regrettable choices. He got into his convertible and drove off dangerously, rain pouring down. _Well what a crap way to end the TV and Movie awards evening. _He drove through every single red light. He ignored every give way sign. He was at least going double the speed limit. But he didn't care, because he just wanted to get away from her- the best damn thing that ever happened in his life. Ironic how the best thing in his life was one that was no longer his.

"I'm not taking back what I said. I _still _wish she didn't exist." He muttered stubbornly to himself in anger.

Though he was unsure is he really meant these words, he refused to think of Sonny Monroe as the light of his life- because that couldn't be true. There had to be more to him than her, he just hadn't discovered himself yet. Slamming the convertible door , Chad trudged into his mansion. Little did he know that the moment he shut his eyes and drifted to sleep in his bed, his whole world had changed. Karma worked it's magic, Fate played along too, and Time as he knew it was about to play a frightful game.

The moment he had shut his eyes, was the moment his wish was granted.

* * *

_Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes_

_Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away._

_Tried to break my heart, well it's broke,_

_Tried to hang me high, well I'm choked._

_Wanted rain on me, well I'm soaked: _

_Soaked to the skin._

_It's the End where I Begin._

_It's the End where I Begin._

**o 0 o 0 o 0 o 0 o**

**Thanks for reading. I've been working SO hard on this. You have no idea how many times I've re-written some paragraphs to try and make it the best it could possibly be :P **

**I'd love to know your thoughts on the prologue :)**

**Chatper 1 - coming soon :D**

**o 0 o 0 o 0 o 0 o **


	2. You're not funny Sonny

Back from holiday! I missed everyone so much :D and all the wonderful stories I need to catch up on!! I will get onto that tonight & tomorrow morning!

I've spent a couple of hours typing up the draft for chapter one and finalising it all :)

I had the most amazing holiday that anyone could _EVER_ ask for! I'm really bubbly and happy atm cause we just got a new puppy today. He's adorable and his name is "Rusty" :) so it took a while to get back into this!

I've worked _MEGA_ hard on this on holiday, hope you enjoy chapter 1.

**Warning**: T for language and themes- just to remind you :) they are older here, so do expect adult situations.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own SWAC :(

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Sonny Monroe, the _**L**_ove of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2009

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

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**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND.**

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**1. You're not funny Sonny .1**

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Chad Dylan Cooper bet every last penny of his ridiculously high salary that Little Miss Sonshine thought this little joke of hers was funny. No, not funny; _hilarious,_ because being on a comedy show had to mean that you naturally had the kind of charisma to make people burst into laughter at anything you did. _Wrong. _This was so _not _funny. In fact, it was so _beyond_ not funny that it had progressed into it's own mini cataclysmic paradox that began collapsing in on itself. Now how could anything like _that_ be funny?

Simple; it couldn't, _because it wasn't funny._

_It had all started that morning…_

…The moment he had opened his sapphire eyes, and dived back into a conscious frame of mind, he assumed the chance to escape from the haunting dream looping round his head would arrive_. _Unfortunately, reality deviated down the wrong road. Hope was too lethargic in the early morning to put on it's chromatic tie and do it's job. Thus, a _hopeless_ Chad Dylan Cooper made it up to three seconds before he was unwillingly submerged deep into memories of last night. Most _definitely_, it was the worst night of his life. Groggily climbing out of his king-sized bed, and to his luxury en-suite, he cast the memories into the trash can carelessly, not bothering to look if they shattered on the way down.

He turned the tap slowly, indulging his complexion with cold water. As he pushed his hands past his forehead and into his blonde mop of hair, his eyes lifted up to the mirror he had been avoiding. It was usually the first thing he did, look in the mirror, because yes, he really _was_ that vain. But today, the fear of detecting a _flaw _had become a new obsessive paranoia. It was when his eyes met the empty sapphires staring back he knew he'd made a mistake. The memories he had so casually shrugged off became a swarm around his parallel self. One image defiantly spread through his mind: the light fading from her eyes, the frail look on her face when he axed her down with his sharpened tongue-

-Dragging himself away from the mirror, he groaned tetchily. This was _absurd. _Here he was, unable to look _himself_ in the eyes because he was afraid of seeing the monster that had devoured Sonny Monroe yesterday. The truth, however, was inevitable to ignore. He had crossed over the line that even the biggest of rivals would never cross. In the space of ten words, they had gone from standing beside each other, to hundreds of miles apart. He had felt the distance expand as they parted their ways. Chad Dylan Cooper may have been too proud to admit it aloud, yet he recognised the weight tugging his body down, churning his stomach unpleasantly into knots; _guilt. _This guilt stalked him all the way to the shower, and all the way to his wardrobe.

Finally prepared for another day at the Falls, Chad spent as little time possible in front of the mirror to fix up his hair which was _already _perfect. Inside, his dignity was battling against his conscience- which nowadays was less than a whisper. He was going to eat something, but after one spoonful of whatever the hell he had called _food _for all of his life, he felt completely sick. Part of him knew this urge to vomit was not because of the food, it was because of _guilt- _and it continued to follow his footsteps.

Something extraordinary happened in the four minutes it took him to get from his kitchen, to the convertible parked scruffily on his driveway; his conscience _overpowered_ his dignity. As he pulled the convertible door shut, igniting the engine, Chad Dylan Cooper had come to the conclusive decision that the first thing he would do when he got to the studio was find Sonny Monroe and offer her an apology.

He wasn't expecting her to accept it, yet alone _talk _to him. He wasn't expecting it to wipe the slate clean. They would still be on bad terms, as they had been for two years. The only difference would be that he would be able to look into her eyes and see the vibrancy restored, more importantly _his guilt cleared_, until the monster inside grasped the opportunity to tear it out again. Shallow, yes. It was shallow. But it would clear his guilt, and then life as he knew it could continue.

He would be able to wake up without haunting memories. He would be able to _eat _without feeling sick. More importantly, he would be able to look reflection in the eye and see Chad Dylan Cooper, not the pathetic, weak person called "Chad" that had been reborn after lingering in dormancy for years. Uncertainty, doubt and lack of confidence was all "Chad" offered to bring to his life. Every confrontation with Chad Dylan Cooper and "Chad" always ended badly.

Driving down the road in silence, too lost in his sea of thoughts to turn the radio on, the star of Mackenzie Falls had come to another decision. Today, "Chad" had to go, _for good. _Today was the last time that vulnerable side of him was _ever _going to take the wheel. One last moment to live, to _breathe_ before being drowned in the strong clasp of a monster. He was beginning to list reasons why "Chad" had to go, when he pulled into the studio car park.

The second he did, he chucked the list of ridiculous reasons to the back of his mind, gaping. _What the…? _Something was missing, something big was missing. Something _huge _was missing.

To be more exact, Sonny Monroe's _face_ was missing from the So Random billboard. The toothy grin, the glossy brown hair, the mellow sunny eyes were gone. _She _was gone. Starring curiously at the board, Chad blinked slowly. He swam through confusion, attempting to comprehend this strange sight. But no matter how many times he re-worded it, or however many seconds he stared at it, he was completely flabbergasted. _How the…?_

He tried to process what he was seeing again. The _giant _billboard that had been up for at least a year now, no longer had Sonny Monroe's face on in it. Not only that, but the rest of her cast were in the same positions, everything was _exactly _the same. It was as if she had been erased. _This is…weird. _He rubbed his eyes with a suppressed groan. This was guilt's little _mind trick _to make him feel bad about the way he had treated Sonny. It all in his head, it was all in his head.

It was all in his head.

…

What _else _could it be other than a hallucination?

Chad failed to simply just _accept_ the fact that Sonny Monroe was no longer on that billboard, because everything happened for a reason. A large helping of bewilderment was shoved down his throat. As he swallowed it, he finally realised what was going on. A laugh escaped his lips. Why had he not seen it sooner? _Oh, _funny, funny little Sonny thought she could pull a _prank _on Chad Dylan Cooper, to make him apologise. _Ha. _Taking herself off the billboard (he had no idea _how), _that had to be the stupidest thing she'd ever done to prove one of her pointless points. Getting out the car briskly, in a better mood than he had been, he gazed up at the billboard lacking the presence of sunlight for the third time, and his plans completely changed. He was going to find Sonny, and tell her how _immature_ and unconvincing her practical joke was.

_'This was just one of Sonny's stupid pranks'_ he told himself in hope it would remove doubt from his mind.

Anyone on the outside of the scenario looking in would have laughed, because Chad Dylan Cooper's theory of it being a "Prank" was an _immature_ and _unconvincing_ excuse to avoid reality.

The reality was this: Sonny Monroe had no involvement in this, because his wish was granted.

That had wish involved Sonny Monroe _never _existing.

He barged into Sonny Monroe's dressing room without knocking, because Chad Dylan Cooper didn't knock. Over the years, the So Random show had finally decided to give it's stars separate dressing rooms, which were _almost _as good as the ones at Mackenzie Falls. Gazing around the dressing room in bewilderment, he once again found his jaw dropping. The old cream carpet had been replaced with a grotesque pink one. The sofa was _fluffy _and everything Sonny Monroe hated about sofas (because sadly, he still remembered a conversation they had five years ago about sofas). The whole room was swarmed in cosmetics rather than Cds and random junk.

Chad took a few steps back to read the door sign he had ignored:

Tawni Hart.

If it was bewilderment he had felt earlier this morning driving into the studio, this had to be something _worse_. So, if this "theory" of his was correct, Sonny had removed herself from the billboard _and _got those room changers (that always seemed to work _too _fast on the TV) to _deface_ her dressing room. How she had done all this? He didn't know. In fact, the question wasn't how she had done all this. It was how _could _she have possibly done this? It was…close to impossible. Stubbornly, Chad stuck with his theory that this was a stupid prank. Walking into "Tawni's" dressing room, that was _really _Sonny's, he noticed the blonde woman sitting at the elaborate dresser table. Glancing at the heartthrob through the mirror, Tawni groaned.

"If you're not going to tell me how pretty I look, then please leave."

He rolled his eyes, some people just _never _changed. Though, it was no surprise that Tawni Hart - at the age of twenty-two- was completely obsessive over appearance and fashion. Part of him had hoped she would grow a little personality on the side, but she hadn't. Not _entirely_ sure where to start, Chad gazed from Tawni to the ugly sofa. They'd done a good job getting Sonny's old sofa through the door, that was for sure.

"This prank Sonny's playing - that you're _clearly _involved in- isn't funny." He stated in the dullest tone he could muster, because he didn't want them to think they'd _won _this war, or whatever it was.

Applying the crimson lipstick, Tawni drew her eyebrows together and gazed at Chad through the mirror bizarrely. The things he accused her of got weirder throughout the years.

"Sonny," she put the lipstick down and laughed. "what kind of stupid name is _Sonny? _It's too happy and…sunny."

Sharing the same amusement, Chad chuckled a little bit. That's exactly what she was, happy and sunny. The name couldn't be more true to her personality. Little miss Sonshine, who sprinkles beams of happiness on everyone she met. He stopped dwelling on this when he realised something strange. Tawni Hart was talking about Sonny Monroe, her _best _friend, like they hadn't even met. Not in a million years would you catch the blonde saying anything hurtful about the brunette these days, they were just too close. Shrugging his suspicion off, he adjusted his shirt. Tawni must just be _really _into this Prank, that was all. Yes- that was _all._

"So where is she?" He asked.

Spinning on her chair to face Chad properly, the blonde woman gazed at him like he had asked her a trivia question on the hardest possible level.

"Where is _who?" _

Her response triggered Chad's third gape of the day. However, it quickly melted away into a smug grin. Ha! Tawni had _almost _got him then, almost. He had _almost _believed her convincing lie. The grin became a mocking laugh that Tawni could not share. This was just pure _gold. _Everything about this stupid prank was so obviously obvious that it backfired.

"This is the worst prank that has _ever _been made in the history of pranks being made." He said after the laughter had left his system.

The blank look on Tawni's face was one he misread for restrained shock. He leant on the dresser table, regaining composure with a small smile tugging at his lips. Though it faded when he remembered the _initial_ reason he was looking for Sonny Monroe, to apologise. Unfortunately, he was supposed to be apologising for his behaviour in order to get rid of the guilt slung over his shoulder. The guilt had grown through the past hour, and he couldn't stand it. He _still _was going to apologise, despite this whole "prank" fiasco. He had no choice, he couldn't live with _guilt _hovering over him. Breathing deeply, he gave it one last shot.

"Now _seriously_, where is Sonny?"

Her next words frustrated him more than he thought they ever would.

"Where is _who?!" _

Narrowing his eyes, he folded his arms over his chest, unimpressed. Bitterness radiated out from his body language. This was not funny. It was _stupid. _Pretending that Sonny wasn't here, pretending to not even _know _her, to his dismay, was making him _annoyed._ No, not just annoyed, _extremely _annoyed. Pissed off- angry. Truth be told, he _did _need Sonny Monroe, because she brightened everything up in both studios. Her vibrancy was the key component to holding the whole studio together. It had only been fifteen minutes, and already he could feel the rain clouds building. He hated it. He had to find her.

"You're not _funny _Tawnita Hart."

Yes, he was annoyed enough to resort to using her full name which he had promised to never speak of- _ever_. Before hell could break lose, and Tawni wrath could be unleashed on him for using her proper name, he walked out of Sonny Monroe's former dressing room. He didn't forget to slam the door gruffly behind him. Taking out his phone he sent a message to Sonny Monroe:

_Haha very funny Sonny. Prank over- in all seriousness, we need to talk. _

_CDC._

Now he was _definitely _going to be late for that important shoot he was doing in ten minutes, because he wasn't doing _anything _until he found where the cult leader of this prank was.

**ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø**

_We all need a pantomime to remind us what is real._

**ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø**

In order to find the cult leader to this "oh-so-_hilarious" _prank, Chad Dylan Cooper's agenda for the day would be subject to major change. He would have to cross worlds, salvage through a vortex of what never was and what never will be. Of course, Chad didn't welcome any of this, for two reasons. One: he didn't _know _his wish had come true. Two: because he never changed his agenda for anyone, or anything. Instead, he simply re-phrased what he was doing with his valuable time. The last half an hour had been spent trying to search for sunlight within a thickening thunderstorm. It was definitely _not _a change to the agenda.

However, as the hourglass was down to it's last fragment of sand (and places to look became more ridiculously _bizarre_) Chad felt a wave of anxiety wash through his body. Monroe was _never_ late a shooting day. Monroe was _never _submerged in her own company for this long, because as he recalled her saying once, she'd rather be with others than just herself. Walking through the empty basement room which was never used anymore, he frowned. Where _was _she?

He spotted Zora and the assembled army of worry retreated. Seven years on, Zora had matured into a miraculous actress. Her chestnut hair had streaks of whacky electric purple, falling past her shoulders loosely. Her face had broadened and matured along with her personality. Though the teen remained to be _a little _crazy, she had toned down the zaniness to a reasonable level that Chad could _almost _tolerate. Slightly agitated, he shot her a fabricated smile, stitched together with abysmal annoyance.

"Do you know where Sonny is?" he attempted to camouflage his apprehension with a coat of casual confidence. The teenager blinked slowly, not taking her eyes off the spot on the wall she was studying intensely.

"No,"

Frowning, the heartthrob's hope capsized and disappointment flourished his face in a twisted expression. Did _anyone _know where Sonny Monroe was? At least Zora seemed to be acting mature about the prank, unlike Tawni had. Turning to face Chad, Zora continued in her usual animated tone.

"I don't _know _a Sonny."

He had spoken too soon. Narrowing his eyes, Chad felt that unexplainable _rage _simmer the blood beneath his skin. This was getting _stupid. _There were times when a joke was taken too far- this was one of those moments. Petulance blemished his complexion. This had to end_- now._

"Is there anybody around here _not_ involved in this little prank?" Raising her eyebrows, Zora stared at him incredulously. She failed to make heads and tails of his words.

"What are you _talking _about?"

There it was- _again. _The same indolent _denial _about the whole thing. Loosening his tight cage of gritted teeth, Chad clicked his tongue. It wasn't _hard _to establish what was going on here. Sonny had told the Randoms what an asshole he'd been, they were returning the favour. Well, it seemed like it was time for some interrogation.

"Sonny put you up to this didn't she?" Silence. An expression of confusion slipped over Zora's face.

"_Didn't she?!" _He repeated, jabbing a finger in her face accusingly. The brunette jumped backwards, startled by the change of atmosphere. Tension wrapped itself comfortably around the pair.

"Who's Sonny?" She asked obliviously.

That was _it. _Chad looked at her with a neutral expression for one second. He attempted to hide his irritation by tapping his finger repetitively on his leg; it looked more like a nervous twitch. After exactly two minutes of standing stiff and fidgety, Chad Dylan Cooper's neutral expression morphed into a perfectly aligned grin. Laughter. He laughed at her stupidly _stupid _"stupid question". The whole thing was stupid.

"Ha- good one _Zorro_! W-_who's _Sonny?" Pause, more flustered laughter. "Who's _Sonny?!_"

The usual mannerism he spoke with had transfigured itself into a succinct, clumsy splutter, gesturing he was rapidly losing composure. Before a speechless Zora could catch her tongue and get her brain to function, Chad brought his hands together in a consistent applaud. Pacing around the basement, he grinned. Oh this was just _embarrassing _for So Random, he'd never let this die- _never._ It was too _funnily _unfunny to let die.

"Ok Sonny," he chimed, knocking on the door to his left. "You can _come out _now."

He flung open the door. A broomstick, a couple of old boxes full of god knows what. It fucking reeked- that was certain. Quickly waltzing over to the door on the other side of the room, Chad grabbed the handle irritably. This was the last room in the _entire _building he hadn't searched. She had to be here, behind one of these doors. No doubt, she'd find this all amusing. Although he was agitated, and furious with the whole "prank", he couldn't wait to see her face again. He was sure that the usual lucid light she emanated would be tainted- and it made him feel more like an ass to know _he _was the reason for this. Yesterday, she had only wanted to _talk _to him, but he was so stubborn, so arrogant, and _so _livid that he decided squeezing the last ounce of sunlight from her would be more pleasurable.

Opening the second door, Chad frowned. Nothing. Nervously, he walked towards the third and final cupboard door in the room.

"You've had your laugh Sonny, but enough is enough." he clasped the handle dramatically and threw the door open melodramatically.

The grin slid off his lips pathetically, nothing. Nothing. Turning to Zora, Chad gave her a sheepish look, gazing from each of the doors, truly puzzled. Raising her eyebrows, Zora coughed awkwardly.

"I thought _I _was weird." she muttered before making the quickest escape from Chad Dylan Cooper as possible.

As Chad stood there, impassive and inanimate, he tried to wedge the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together. It appeared to have mutated somewhere along the line with a surreal outcome, because whatever combination he came up with there was _always _something missing. To be precise, _someone _was missing. Gazing from the pale wax replica of himself in the mirror, to the "So Random" poster on the wall without Sonny, Chad grimaced.

His phone buzzed. Pulling out his mobile, he starred at the screen in confusion:

_Message to Sonny Monroe (07789193656) failed to deliver._

_Number error._

Slipping it back into his pocket, Chad walked out of the basement coldly. Number error? _What _was going here? Swallowing the confusion painfully, he got into his flashy convertible. Work had to wait, Jeff would cover for him…or Josh? _Whatever. _Taking one final look at the billboard without Sonny, he drove off. Chad Dylan Cooper was no skiver from work, but he was getting to the bottom of this shit _right now. _

**ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø**

_To the ones I loved but didn't show it enough:_

_Where are you now?_

**ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø**

If Sonny Monroe was not at the studio, then she had to be at her apartment. Running through the possibilities in his mind, Chad came to one likely conclusion. Little Miss Sonshine was at home because she was ill. Guilt washed over him, either _that _or she was too upset about their conversation to come to work. It was at this moment that Chad Dylan Cooper really _did _wish Sonny Monroe was ill. The guilt was already building up, he wasn't unsure if he could take anymore. He was a prized prat, and he had no idea how she had put up with his crap for so long. But after last night, he knew it was the final straw. He had to change, for good.

Parking his flashy convertible outside of a classy apartment Chad gazed up at the beautiful home (the bedroom had an amazing balcony). As he made his way to the front door, he wondered if he should knock. He brushed off quickly, as ifshe would _let _him in after last night. Therefore, he resorted to using her spare key, which was usually kept underneath the third sun flower pot on the left French window. However, as he ventured to the left window, there were no sunflowers at all, which _bewildered _him. Was _was _going on? Sonny _always _had "sonflowers" -as he had named them- by her French windows.

Left with no choice, Chad hesitantly rang the doorbell. Anxiety washed over him. Questions with unknown answers swarmed around him, intimidating his composure. What should he say? What should he _do? _How was he supposed to react to seeing her at the door? How was he going to get her to listen to him? He hadn't even gotten _flowers, _which soon changed as he advanced towards the rose bush. Funny, he was _sure _they had always been red roses. Nonetheless, he discreetly tugged the white rose from the flower bed. Yes, it was official. Chad Dylan Cooper really was shallow enough to give a girl a flower from her own front garden. Though in his twisted logic it was simple, a flower was a flower. It didn't _matter _where it came from.

After waiting for half a minute, someone scrambled hurriedly towards the door. Chad took a deep breath, his heart stopped. _Well, this is where more shit begins…_As the door slowly opened, he found the words on his tongue shrivel into a pathetic heap of dust swept away in the wind. He met her eyes and frowned. The woman at the door in a silk dressing gown was _not _Sonny Monroe. Her famous blonde hair draped past her shoulders, and the hazel eyes were even _more _striking. Chad felt his confidence stray away- it was Destiny Fountain, the supermodel. God, she was _gorgeous. _Trying to shake the new appealing thoughts from his head, Chad snapped back into reality. He was here for Sonny, _not _to gawk at attractive women…_really _attractive women-

"-Is Sonny in?" he asked casually, though he sounded slightly spellbound. He failed to understand why Destiny Fountain was in Sonny's house. They were the two most contrasting characters in Hollywood.

Leaning on the door frame, Destiny ruffled a hand through her hair seductively, before offering a coy smile of perfect whitened teeth. It was clear that she had recognised him. Her eyes drifted from the flower in his hands to his sapphire eyes.

"Chad Dylan Cooper, you're _so _much sexier in person." she admitted, twirling her hair round her fingers.

On any normal morning, Chad would have let the comment go straight to his ego, and turn on the 'Chad charm'. However, today was no ordinary day. Today was a very _confusing _and complex day. Smiling slightly, he changed the subject, hoping it would divert away from her implications.

"Sonny Monroe lives here." he stated out of the blue, saying it aloud made it seem more factual.

Shaking her head slowly, Destiny pulled an innocently oblivious expression, and if Chad Dylan Cooper told you that she had slid the silk gown off her shoulders a little _deliberately_, he wouldn't be lying.

"_I _live here." she corrected him.

Chad sighed. This wasn't _right. _Nothing was right- was he dreaming? Sonny had lived here for two years now. She _loved _this place, there was no way she'd give it up- not even if someone offered her a jackpot of money. So what the hell was a bloody supermodel doing in _Sonny's_ apartment? …another prank maybe? Gazing at the house number, he grimaced. This was _definitely _her place. Maybe she had moved without telling him? Maybe, she'd moved in with…_him. _Chad shuddered- Ashford Reilly- Sonny Monroe's _perfect _boyfriend. Perfect freaking _perfection. _How Chad would have _loved _to say that Sonny deserved better- but it was a terribly constructed lie. Ashford Reilly _was _the best, and she _did _deserve the best.

It was after he'd been consumed in thoughts for two minutes that he realised just _how close _the blonde supermodel was standing.

"Are you coming in or _what?_" she forwardly asked, hands snaking over his tie. "It's not _everyday _that Chad Dylan Cooper turns up on my doorstep."

Shooing her hands away a little flustered, Chad chuckled dryly.

"I-I-I have to go, sorry." He lamely protested, a look of dismay spread over her face. She tugged on his tie one more time, bringing him closer. Her lips pressed to his ear, and Chad went numb.

"You know where to find me _Cooper._"

Her words broke him from the short but blissful daze. Cooper- someone _important _called him Cooper; Sonny Monroe. Pushing the supermodel off, he signed. Oh _yeah, _he was looking for Sonny Monroe, who seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Anxiety and guilt flooded back. Walking away from the door, without looking back, Chad got into his car briskly. Turning the radio on, he rubbed his aching eyes. Something strange was going on here. No billboard of Sonny, the "prank" and the apartment situation. Chad felt more like Sherlock Holmes by the second, with ambiguous signals thrust into his lap without an explanation. Each piece of evidence for this bizarre case seemed interlinked, and almost _ironic. _In fact, considering his words yesterday (I wish you didn't exist) today was almost _mocking. _Like a wise detective, Chad continued with his complicated theories and accusations.

When he arrived on the main highway back to the studio, a horrific truth dawned upon him. And it shocked him _truly. _Chad Dylan Cooper had just turned down a promising shag with the gorgeous _Destiny Fountain _to continue his unsuccessful (and very uneventful) search for Sonny Monroe- who only offered mutual dislike. Holy shit. The world _had _to be ending. That, or Chad Dylan Cooper was slowly becoming "Chad" again-

-No, no, _no_. The world was ending. It was _definitely _ending. It was the apocalypse. There was one conclusive piece of evidence for this:

The sun appeared to have vanished from the sky.

* * *

_Strange things are happening to me_

_Strange things_

_Strange things are happening to me_

_Ain't no doubt about it._

**o 0 o 0 o 0 o**

**Silly silly Chad Dylan Cooper is in denail about the whole thing. Bless him- he thinks it's all a prank :(**

**Hope you liked C1, C2 is in progress!**

**Please let me know your thoughts, reviews do make me smile a lot(:**

**o 0 o 0 o 0 o**


	3. It's impossible, but it's still possible

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I really appreciate the feedback- it keeps me going! :P

Here we are chapter 2 already :) I did write up over half of chapter 2 on holiday, so that's why I've updated so quickly :)

Please note: Chapter 3 will probably take a little bit longer to write up and upadte as I have a really busy week!! :)

Enjoy :D & thanks for the support so far!

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the_ **L**ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2009

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND.**

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

**2. It's impossible, but it's still possible .2**

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

The next morning, Chad Dylan Cooper was greeted by the same bloody _guilt _that had followed him around yesterday. The only difference was that it had tripled in size, now big enough to cling tightly to his toned torso. _God- _it was annoying. Anxiety was threatening to lunge at his arms, and pin him down. As he opened his eyes groggily, he was relieved to find his arms were still in use, and anxiety was just a haze in the air around. The colours in the room had blended into a mixture of murky shades he couldn't distinguish. Since his walk of shame, it appeared that nothing was as bright and cheerful as he remembered it. Frowning, Chad sat up in his bed, not daring to look at the clock.

As he sat in the company of himself, which for Chad was a dangerous thing to do, a dreadful fact crossed his blurred mind: he had failed to find Sunny Monroe yesterday. Leaning his head back on the pillow tetchily, he rubbed his aching temple. Groan. After searching the _whole_ studio, and driving to her apartment which was no longer hers, the search had been deemed unsuccessful. Sonny Monroe had _disappeared_. It was official. She was nowhere. Nowhere. He only hoped today that the stupid prank would have worn off. Over the course of last night, Chad had planned out a little speech to Sonny. First he would _sincerely _apologise (in order to clear his guilt off his chest) and then he would _sincerely _tell her how terrible and pathetic her prank really was (which would probably give him _back _his guilt).

And then Sonny and Chad would yet again be…well they'd be Sonny and Chad. Two people unwillingly caught in a web weaved from their broken hearts and tainted souls. Two people unable to stand each other's presence, yet stuck on the same endless train, where uncertain glances were shared. Two people stranded on an uncharted island, trying _not _to get along, trying _not _to talk to each other, trying _not _to get in the other's way. It was complicated. It was _way _past loathing…and way past other things too. It was unlike the years previously, which ironically happened to be the _best _couple of years of Chad's life. Although his career was rocketing the past year, it didn't feel quite as good as holding Sonny Monroe. Or sharing an apartment with her. Or being able to tease her about _everything _just because he could. Or comforting her when she was sad. _Or_ tucking her hair behind her ear and leaning in to meet the soft lips in an explosive kiss…

Chad grabbed the pillow under his head, throwing it across the room, in hope that the thoughts in his head would run like a clumsy puppy and fetch the damn thing. To his relief, they did just that.

Silence.

It was dead quiet, and he couldn't help but recall how there were times where he and Sonny just sat in the silence together. They didn't need to talk, they didn't need to say a single word. It was dead quiet, and it was comforting. Picking up his remote control for the stereo beside his bedside, Chad grunted. No more dead quiet, it seemed to be infecting his brain with diseased memories _too much. _He turned the stereo up full blast, so the whole room vibrated. Yes, it was painful for his thumping ears, but at least it removed the possibility to stop and _think. _At this moment of time, Chad didn't _want _to think, he wanted to be Chad Dylan Cooper. Waking up his Hollywood neighbours would be _exactly_ the kind of thing Chad Dylan Cooper would do.

Petulantly, he followed the same bland morning routine as yesterday. Today, he _completely _avoided the mirror knowing that the pallid face staring back would be a devastating sight. He brushed his pearly white teeth in the unwelcoming silence that constantly echoed around his mansion. It was always quiet, _dead quiet. _There _used_ to be sound: laughter, joy. Not anymore. It was just Chad Dylan Cooper and his "house". But it wasn't a _home. _It was just simply where he slept. Nothing special at all. Just a fancy mansion with just about _everything _that _everyone_ could ever want. Ungrateful, arrogant, thoughtless- of course. That was his prime adopted attitude.

Growing attached to things, as he'd learnt in the past, was a bad thing. _A very bad thing. _For example, imagine catching a butterfly in your hands. Not just _any _butterfly, a beautiful, amazing butterfly that glistened with such vibrancy and light it was mesmerising. Everybody around you _wanted _that butterfly, because it was perfect. You _loved _that butterfly, you _adored _it. But as time went on, the butterfly was suffocating in your hands, choking. You grew greedy, possessive. As the butterfly began to diminish, you opened your hands, expecting trust and forgiveness. But it escaped from your hands, and it flew into the sky…_away. _Yes, part of it was your fault…all of it was your fault. How could you _blame _the poor butterfly? Well the answer was simple. No-one with a _heart _could; Chad Dylan Cooper, however, could.

And he did.

Thus, Chad Dylan Cooper kept his distance to all things. The biggest adversity was that this distance even included _himself. _Leaving his mansion with dishevelled hair, that _somehow _continued to be pristine, Chad drove down the road Fate had created. Into the incongruous world he appeared to be living in he drove, uncertain of what today offered.

It was no surprise that the giant billboard still lacked a certain _sonshine _it desperately needed. After the events that had unfolded, he was unsure if his theory of it being a "prank" was reasonable enough. If it had been a prank, Sonny wouldn't have let it simmer for this long- _because it wasn't funny anymore. _Therefore, Sherlock Holmes threw that theory aside, moving to his second one. She was ill. Though the theory that Sonny Monroe was ill was also proved wrong because she was nowhere to be seen, not even at her own apartment. There was one final theory Chad had dwelled on: Sonny Monroe, for some unknown reason, had been taken off So Random, and she was back in Wisconsin. But even _that _theory made no logical sense.

The So Random cast never did _anything _without Miss Monroe, because Sonny completed them. She had saved their show. She was the reason that their show had progressed from sketches into a _hilarious _comedy series (there was no denying it, it was hilarious) with set characters and plot lines rivalling Scrubs and Friends. So Random was no longer a "sketch" show, it was real show. That was why it had won the best TV show award that evening. It had deserved it.

Walking into the studio, Chad brushed past his cast members, donating false smiles and backstabbing greetings before getting to his dressing room. The moment he got to his dressing room, he flopped on the sofa, cupped his face in his hands. Then he sighed deeply, guilt consuming him.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_It's sad, so sad_

_It's a sad, sad situation_

_And it's getting more and more absurd…_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

"Going live…now!" The director called through the megaphone, sitting on his chair, watching the scene unfold in front of a re-created waterfall.

Instantly, the lighting became an intense deep blue and blinding white to ensure the actor's faces weren't _completely _swallowed by blue. Chad eased effortlessly into Mackenzie, the character he had played for nearly ten years. Mackenzie was like his twin, the person he could hide away inside when he didn't want to be Chad Dylan Cooper (or Chad). Sure, they had similarities. But Mackenzie wasn't an asshole. Thus, whenever Chad Dylan Cooper became a tiresome image to keep up, Mackenzie came to the rescue, a handy escape route into yet _another _fake superficial life. The dark-haired actress beside Chad screamed on cue in her high-pitched voice. As cued, she pushed him a little sideways.

"I hate you!"

Usually the pair would burst into laughter at this climatic point, and the scene would have to be re-filmed. However, Chad was not in the mood for laughing. He was in the mood for peace and quiet, which he would get once he'd finished this freaking scene. Balling his fists, he glowered back at his co-star.

"I hate you too!" He said.

Before he could _try_ to stop himself, guilt overpowered and the scene between himself and Sonny from that evening blurred over his mind. It was too easy to let the background of the studio slip away and morph into the empty car park. Katy was using the same tone Sonny had, the atmosphere was tense. Everything about this scene shouted DISASTER. The waterfall behind them became the neatly parked cars. The luminous lighting became street lamps, and the people around became nothing. He wasn't in the studio anymore, he was in the parking lot, having a scream-off with a familiar brunette, who appeared to be nowhere for the second day in a row.

"I hate you _more." _This was the point where Chad Dylan Cooper ignored the scripted lines he'd studied religiously. The words he had memorised unconditionally replaced the words he was supposed to say. Guilt had engraved them into his head. Guilt, _guilt- _guilty. Gazing Katy in her brown eyes, half as bright as Sonny's, he glowered back.

"I don't think it's _possible _for you to hate me more than I hate you."

A little stunned at Chad's change of direction in the script, Katy gazed over offset for a second. She mustered a frown, they were still rolling. Obviously they _liked_ the changed in direction. Trust Chad to pull a quick improvisation on her- _live_. It was only her first season on the show, she hadn't been caught up in a situation like this before. Though, this was also the first time Mackenzie Falls had done a _live _broadcast. Messing it up would lose them millions of views. She reminded to slap Chad after this. Glaring back at Chad, Katy got back into character and improvised along with whatever the hell her co-star thought he was doing.

"I hate you more than you could even _imagine._"

If Chad was Mackenzie, this would have been the opportune moment to say something even _worse_ or something completely stupid. However, slowly, Chad had let this scene become a memory replaying in his head, and he wanted to _change _that memory of the dreaded evening. He was no longer acting. He had to get _rid _of that stupid guilt right now. Grabbing Katy by the shoulders, he stared into her eyes endlessly. In desperation, he felt the words burst from the inside, spurting frantically from his mouth, flourishing into a spectacle array of fireworks.

"I love you Sonny."

Pause.

Splat…_shit. _The fireworks spontaneously combust into a perilous rubble on the ground. Chad blinked slowly, trying to establish _what _had just happened. His co-star also dwelled in the awkward silence, raising an eyebrow incredulously. The next second, it dawned on him. _Hold on, _hold on- had he just said he _loved Sonny?! _Woah. Just…_what_? His co-star went along with the _strange _but interesting improvisation. Folding her arms over her chest, Katy frowned. Chad wasn't paying much attention, he was caught in a void of shock. Did he still…_love _Sonny? Love was a strong word…as was hate. He definitely didn't _hate _her. But did he _love _her? Swigging down confusion and fear at once, he realised how stupid it was of him to mix the two drinks together. His body suddenly shut down, and he stood there motionless, eyes wide. Frozen in frame. On the inside however, chaos broke lose. The volcano of memories that had been dormant for years erupted recklessly in his mind.

…_Love? _Sonny Monroe. Laughter. Smiles. Kisses. Fun. And off the rails the train went, releasing hundreds of small thoughts at once in his mind. First confession. First date. Nervous. First _kiss. _Amazing. First press interview. "Channy". Sharing secrets. Telling stories. Watching films. Stupid dancing. _Really _stupid dancing. Hilarious. Feeling sick. Staying at home. Getting lost in Miami. Scary. Flying to Wisconsin. Making that _ridiculous _script together (which had been crammed with enough inside jokes to be deemed "TOP SECRET."). Feeding the birds, more fun than it sounded. Eating rank seafood….feeling ill _again. _Laughing at baby photos- embarrassing. Tripping up on the stairs…embarrassing. Cooking and _failing _miserably-

"-It's Cassie."

…_huh? _Confusion spilled over Chad's face, and reality flooded back to him. He was in the studio shooting; this had _definitely _deviated away from the original script. And they were _live. _Oh shit- this was the end of his career now he was sure of it. How had he got so…_sidetracked? _Not bothering to imagine the crap he was about to receive for diverting the script _live _on TV, Chad continued. He laboriously was fighting off memories of Sonny at the same time, which was extremely distracting.

"Who's Cassie?" his voice was vague and unfamiliar, face revealing signs of bewilderment.

Before his co-star could reply, the scene was cut there. Taking a deep breath, Chad braced himself for the storm about to be unleashed upon himself and his co-star for completely mucking up that scene live.

Gazing over to the director, Chad was surprised to see a look of satisfaction on his face. He had expected a look of utter _outrage _but was met with delight. Luckily, the director enlightened the pair with his reasoning for the smile, voice dripping in gratification. Jumping off the chair, he walked towards them.

"_Brilliant _improvisation! Making Mackenzie confess feelings for another girl accidentally instead of Cassie just heightens the drama even more." he said offering a short, but honourable, applause.

Stunned, Chad blinked. He was more focused on the debate going on in his head : Does Chad Dylan Cooper still love Sonny Monroe?

"Best acting I've seen from you in years Chad." he added with a grin.

Chad suppressed a contort. Ironic how his "best acting" happened to be when he _wasn't _acting. Pushing a forced smile clumsily over his lips, Chad acknowledge the complement with barricaded blue eyes that divulged no emotion. No-one seemed to distinguish between a genuine Chad Dylan Cooper and his convincing counterfeit. And that hit him with one nauseating, unpleasant turmoil that writher through every cell in his body. Sorrow. Nine years into the production of the show, with people close enough to regard as family, and not _one _of them ever assumed that Chad Dylan Cooper could ever had a day that normal human beings defined as "crappy". An "off day" maybe, but everyone appeared to believe their was no _room _for emotions or flaws in his vacant soul. Perhaps that was his fault, the cocky arrogance, and the tragic distance he wore on his sleeves.

Only one person in the Falls had ever known him for who he really was, Portlyn Stevenson. Unfortunately, her character had been axed after three seasons, and it had been six years since their goodbye. But they still called each other every few months. From what he'd last heard, she was starring in a new paranormal series rumoured to storm nationwide TV. It was about time she got a promising, solid role. Chad turned to his modest co-star Katy, who played Cassie.

"Do you ever remember a Sonny Monroe working on So Random?" he persisted a little _too _eagerly.

Shaking her head without hesitation, she gave him a doubtful look. She didn't need to answer verbally, but she did.

"No."

This happened to be the _final _straw that influenced Chad to pay a bitter visit to Marshall because if someone knew what the hell was going on, it would be the director of So Random himself.

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_Sometimes you hold so tight i__t slips through your hands_

_Will I ever understand? _

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Puzzled, unsure and frustrated, Chad stormed down the So Random corridor. This was _pathetic_. Two days without seeing Sonny Monroe, and Chad Dylan Cooper was running riot. This had to stop- _now_. Which was why he was paying a visit to Marshall, to find out where the hell she was. Then, he would find Sonny Monroe, apologise, and all of this _nonsense _would be over, including the stupid little "I love Sonny" thought bubbling in his mind. There was _no way, _absolutely no way he loved her. It was impossible. To make sure of this, he was going to wipe the slate clean between them, and then he was going to slowly widen their distance. After all, was it not Sonny who had said "my life would be so much better without Chad Dylan Cooper"?

Not knocking on the door, Chad barged into Marshall Pike's large office, where he sat in his black leather chair comfortably. Gazing up at Chad, he smiled lightly before resuming reading something on the desk. It was when Chad's hands slammed over the papers that Marshall had no choice but to engage in conversation with the king of drama. Taking his reading glasses off, an aged Marshall looked expectantly at Chad Dylan Cooper, who was wearing an unwelcoming expression. Leaning back on the chair, Mr. Pike swallowed before finding words.

"…Chad, what…brings you here?"

Removing his hands from the table, Chad neatened up his suit casually. Then he leant over the desk, not bothering to sit down. He only needed a few minutes of "Chad interrogation time" to find out where Sonny Monroe was. Flicking to his third theory, Chad began his intense questioning.

"I'll get to the point," And with a flip of his hair, the monster was released. "Did you _fire _Sonny? Sonny does _not_ deserve to be fired, she's the _best thing _that happened to your little comedy show, and she rightfully earned her place here-"

Fazed, Marshall interrupted.

"We've not had a Sonny on So Random." He stated, gazing at Chad in deep confusion.

A gape spread over Chad's lips. _Oh, _so it was back to theory one. The little "Prank". Narrowing his eyes in shock, the blonde actor shook his head in utter disgust. She had got _Marshall _to play along as well? This was just…well it was just indescribable. Laughing a little in surprise, Chad took the seat reluctantly. He was going to have to be blunt. Marshall eyed him suspiciously.

"Ok, Marshall. _I know what you're doing. _This isn't funny, I just want to know where she is. It's like she suddenly doesn't even-"

-Chad cut himself off and stood up. He must have stood up too fast because he felt extremely _dizzy. _Holding his breath, he thought about what he was about to say. Releasing the tense breath, he choked out his final word.

"…e-exist."

The words spun around his head, pulling him into a frantic daze. It was like…she didn't exist. Nobody _knew _her, her apartment was no longer hers. The phone. Everything. That evening, he had said those harsh words. Eyes widening, Chad felt sick, nauseous. _I hate you enough that I wish you didn't exist! _Had the wish- No. He chuckled nervously to himself. _No. _Now that was _ridiculous. _Chad Dylan Cooper was being stupid. He was being _childish. _That kind of thing _only _happened in fiction, FICTION. It happened in movies, in shows, in things that _weren't real. _This was not fiction it was reality. Impossible. But anything was possible…_was it? _Shaking his head in denial, Chad tried to brush the horrific thought from his mind. Marshall watched the blonde man pace back and forth through the room, hand pressed to his temple in distress. His mind was playing an intense game of word tennis.

Impossible.

…_Possible._

Improbable.

Probable-

_-_Only in _FICTION._

"_-_Marshall!" A female screeched, storming into the room, knocking Chad out the way violently. "Nico and Grady are _refusing _to co-operate in the Tawni Town special episode."

A tanned, handsome male entered the room, a disturbed look on his face. He hadn't changed much since his teenage years, apart from his muscles had broadened. His face had changed a little too, with delicate, but brilliant cheekbones, creating a luscious face that many ladies couldn't resist.

"I don't _want _to do a Tawni Town special episode!"

A slightly overweight male walked in with dirty blonde hair. His shirt was stained in mustard, and Grady was, well…

"-It'll be like having to live under the Snow Queen's rule in Narnia."

…still Grady. Both Nico and Grady gasped at the thought. The blonde women made a high-pitched scream, squabbling with the pair. Hell broke lose. Chad stood silently in the corner muttering things to himself in confusion, trying to establish what was going on with Sonny Monroe_. Impossible…possible. Improbable. Probable- only in fucking fiction. _Oh Jesus Christ., Marshall slammed his head down on the desk for a moment. This was _too much. _Tawni Hart was angry, Nico and Grady were being unhelpful to the situation and instigating her. Then there was a rather deranged Chad Dylan Cooper in the corner, talking to himself like a psycho about to crack. Speak of the devil, Chad pushed through the arguing trio and pushed a fist down on Marshall's desk. _.Impossible…possible. Improbable. Probable- only in fucking fiction!_

"Where is she Marshall?!"

Desperate. He needed to know. There was _no way _that little wish of his could have come true…psssht. No. It was ridiculous. He needed to hear her voice for assurance. He needed to _find her _before he went insane with the guilt and confusion and unexplainable feelings. All that could be heard over Marshall's claims of not knowing were the trio's screaming over Tawni Town behind them. This was hopeless. Turning around angrily, Chad scrunched his face up, glowering at the trio.

"Will you _shut _the fuck up! I'm dealing with something _important _here."

Something impossible…_possible - _No. Silence fell in the room. An awkward tension filled up the room. A younger female walked in, with electric purple streaked hair. She watched the scene in confusion. All anxious eyes were fixated on a rather frantic Chad Dylan Cooper. Folding her arms over her chest, Zora broke the tension.

"What is going on here?"

Standing up nervously, adjusting his tie, Marshall kept his distance from Chad. He put his hand on his desk, and slowly tried to explain. He didn't like the way that Chad's uneasy eyes were glued to him.

"Chad was just…interrogating me about a Sonny Monroe."

Tawni's voice could be heard in the background of the unfocused silence. The Randoms exchanged blank looks. Chad watched the scene apprehensively. They were good actors, but would they _really _go through all this effort to pull a prank on him? Maybe his wish had come- no. _No. _It was impossible…he refused to let his mind wander again into the argument. Ruffling a hand through his hair, Chad fidgeted nervously, waiting for some enlightenment. Nico took a step forwards, drawing his eyebrows together.

"Sonny who?" He genuinely asked, gazing back at Grady who shrugged ambiguously.

Watching the pair look generally lost, Chad felt his stomach churn. _Guilt. _He shook it off and glared at the So Random cast. They thought they were _so _funny, pretending that Sonny Monroe didn't exist anymore. It was a cruel, harsh joke, and it was ending now. The last bullet got into place, and an armed Chad fired mercilessly. No excuses now, this was serious.

"She's been working on your show for Seven freaking years! _Seven years_?!" he cried hoping to see a familiar twinkle in their eyes or a sign of cracking from the Prank.

Marshall placed a hand on Chad's shoulder which was rudely brushed off.

"Sounds to me like Mackenzie Falls is putting you under strain, take a break." he advised, a few murmurs from the So Random cast revealed agreement.

Growing restless, Chad felt an inferno ignite inside him, and there was no stopping the fire that flew vehemently from his mouth, setting the room ablaze.

"I don't need a break," he turned to Marshall who tried not to look alarmed by the livid look in the sapphire eyes. "I need answers. Quit playing around," he turned to Nico and Grady who both suppressed a gasp.

"Tell me where Sonny Monroe is."

No answer. Silence…_dead quiet. _Stepping forwards slowly, Tawni Hart swallowed-hard before speaking in a sincere, honest voice.

"Chad there is no Sonny Monroe." Her words stung hard, and Chad glared at her.

Pulling out his phone, he held it out to her as if proving a point. It was time to show the Randoms who was being fooled here, because Sonny Monroe _was here. _She had to be. Scanning through his phone, he scrolled down to S…

"I'll prove it and phone her right now..." Gaping, he stared at his phone like it had just grown arms and legs. There was no Sonny Monroe in his contacts list. _What?! _It had definitely been there yesterday. He had sent her a message yesterday. His mind went back to yesterday, the message had failed to deliver.

Feeling an overwhelming fear cloud over him, he turned to the cast of So Random. Were they being serious? Did they _really _not know Sonny….at all? Looking down at his phone, he decided to prove she existed another way. Doubt and denial fought each other in his head, causing a small swell of a headache.

Connie Monroe.

Holding a hand up to the Randoms to gesture he was about to take a call, Chad turned his back to them and pressed call. After three long, nervous rings, Connie Monroe answered the phone. Her voice spoke politely over the phone in a questioning manner. Chad didn't hesitate. If anyone on earth knew where Sonny was, it would be her Mum.

"Hello Connie?" he asked hesitantly, not sure where to start.

_Who is this?_

Chad quickly replied, not wanting her to hang up before he got answers.

"It's Chad Dylan Cooper, I'm friends with your daughter Sonny."

Chad grunted at that statement_, friends_? They barely even spoke to each other anymore. Funny how time changed things so drastically. Her next words struck him right in the heart. It sent an unpleasant shiver up his spine, his blood turned cold. Impossible. Improbable. Attempting to stop his hand from trembling, his eyes widened at her words. They were so blunt, honest and drenched in confusion. Each syllable took a stab at his exposed heart. The air around became unappealing, and he could feel his airways shutting down. Connie Monroe, Sonny's _mother_, had just said dangerous words, _impossible _words:

_I don't have a daughter._

Gritting his teeth to hide his shear panic, Chad spoke impatiently down the phone. This wasn't happening. This had to be joke. Sonny must've told her mum too...though the more Chad thought about the Prank, it seemed to resemble a stupid and immature excuse to avoid the bitter truth. Bitter wasn't the word. No words could describe it- _because it wasn't happening. _No. It wasn't happening.

"Yes-you-do. Allison Monroe." Shutting his eyes in distraught, he prayed that she would tell him what he wanted to hear.

_What do you want?!_

Strangled by his own shock, Chad frantically spoke down the phone.

"I want you to tell me where your _daughter_ is! Allison Monroe, 10th October 1987 Wisconsin, better known as Sonny. I can't find her anywhere and I think she might have-"

-Beeeeeep.

Dropping the phone to the ground, Chad felt his body go numb. Was this a terrible _nightmare_? Yes. He must be asleep right now, about to wake up any second and discover it was all a horrible dream. Chad had encountered many nightmares in his life, mostly when he was a child. Back then, it had been monsters in the cupboard, and demons behind the TV. As he had aged, the nightmares faded away. Though every now and then, he would get a nightmare (which wasn't about monsters and demons). All of them were centred around missing people, and _losing _people. This was just another one, it was long and realistic, but it _had _to be a nightmare.

Nothing like this happened in real life; _because it was impossible._

…_possible. _

Improbable.

Probable-

-Only in fucking fiction.

Bending down to pick up his phone, Chad Dylan Cooper suffocated in the tension building around. The cast of So Random were staring at him, in concern. Standing up with the phone shaking in his fragile hands, he shot them a flustered half-frown which was about to break any second. He inhaled a deep breath. At that one moment, his three _wonderful _theories collapsed down on him. The first one in the form of a clown shoved him over, and disintegrated into shards of sharp glass, puncturing his skin. The second theory exploded dramatically, adding a second coat of mockery. The final theory didn't do any _physical _damage, it stood there and laughed. Impact. Realisation. _Shit._

"Did she tell you where Sonny Mon-_doesn't-exist_-roe is?" Tawni said tauntingly, beaming in a sarcastic manner at Chad.

Gazing from a shocked Nico, to a confused Grady, to a stunned Marshall, a freaked out Zora and an amused Tawni, Chad Dylan Cooper straightened his tie, and tired to hold his composure. He bit his tongue, unable to find words. The expression on his face could reduce anyone to a sorrowful state. His eyes lost their life, his face was blank, stone. If you dissected his image through the microscope, you'd see his sapphire eyes appeared to have an allergic reaction with something in the room as they were blotchy and unfocused, irritable. Perhaps it was the leather? Perhaps the new carpet? …Perhaps it was the fact that sunlight was scarce in this strange world?

Without wasting another second, Chad walked past the cast of So Random, not sparing a single glance for anybody. He walked silently through the hallway, and back to the Mackenzie Falls studio where it seemed his half hour break was over. His director tugged him lightly by the shirt sleeve and pulled him into one of the press rooms, where a rather keen enthusiastic woman sat.

"Chad, Miss Visha has come to interview you about our latest live broadcast." With that, the director left the room, abandoning a clearly unstable Chad Dylan Cooper.

Shuffling in his seat awkwardly, Chad kept his eyes glued to the ground. The perky interviewer took out a pen and cut to the chase, brushing her blonde hair off her eyes. Smiling excitedly, she threw her first question at him. As she spoke he was still arguing with his mind: _impossible…possible. Improbable. Probable- only in fucking fiction!_

"Your latest live broadcast that went out just half an hour ago has gripped the nation by force! Viewers have expressed a keen interest in the new potential character Sonny Monroe. What can you tell me about her? Is she the new girl on the Falls?"

Chad swallowed-hard and instead of speaking from his head _wisely _and talking out his backside to make himself look good, he spoke from the heart that had suddenly stopped beating. This would be his first biggest mistake, because journalists were not out to hear your _story_, they were out to _make _you _into_ a story. Of course Chad knew this, it was the first thing he'd learnt. But the shock of today's events and a realisation of the potential truth had taken over.

"Sonny Monroe is a good friend of mine who works on So Random. She's cheerful, bright, happy…and she's gone missing. (the journalist was now scribbling away, no doubt making alterations.) I, I don't know _where _she is. I don't know, everywhere I've looked she's not there. It's like she's d-_disappeared_!"

He took a deep breath, _finally _giving into his indolent denial of feelings. Why _else _did he care where she was so much? Why _else _was this whole thing driving him crazy? Smiling sadly, he spoke words which would be printed on every tabloid, recalled on every TV, and spoke of on every radio station by tomorrow morning.

"I do know one thing though, I love her."

* * *

_Calling out your name_

_Your face is everywhere_

_I'm reaching out to you_

_To find that you're not there…_

**o 0 o 0 o 0 o**

**Reviews & feedback are deeply appreciated!**

**Thank you for reading.**

**o 0 o 0 o 0 o**


	4. Let's hope not Chad, we like you

Update time :D I have been CONSTANTLY working on this. This chapter was challenging because I had to write a journalistic article (after I did my homework on useful techniques, it was really fun to do!) and most of this chapter is "Chad monologue."

I have made the article featured at the beginning into a visible magazine interview to make things more realistic. Also, I made some celebrity mag covers suitable for this point in the story! If you missed that, you can find it in the What's Left of me PROMO here**: http: / / www. fanfiction. net/s/ 5188799/ 5/ Whats_Left_of_Me_PROMO**

Enjoy! :D

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the _**L**__ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2009

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: Out of my Mind.**

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**3. Let's hope not Chad- we like you .3**

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"_What is going on?"_

_You tell __**us**__ Chad, what __**IS **__going on?_

**BRIGHT STAR CHAD DYLAN COOPER BURNS OUT.**

Celebrities are idyllic symbols of what modern society looks up to, what people aspire to be. _Inspire, _motivate and shine. For nine years, superstar Chad Dylan Cooper has wowed the nation with his character Mackenzie on the hit show Mackenzie Falls. The young star first shed his talent at the age of five in a small commercial, in which developed his calm willingness to be around a camera. After that, the star featured in several episodes of _One Tree Hill, _playing a young boy. At the age of Ten, he had been in his first movie, _The day before the Dawn, _sharing the red carpet with the oscar-award winning actor _Graham Johnson _(born 1978, Houston).

"_He truly had the potential to be a great star, the moment I met him, I knew he was going to make it to the top." _- Graham Johonson.

It was no wonder the renowned director _Michael Ronsey _wanted the young star to be the lead of hit-drama show _Mackenzie Falls _(Created by Tim Hollister & Linda Burton). After seven successful seasons of Mackenzie Falls, viewers have had the opportunity to watch the heart-throb teen become a gorgeous, _yummy_ man (and still single!) and admire the progression from the teenage show, into the engaging adult drama series it is today.

But even the brightest stars in the universe burn out- including Chad Dylan Cooper. Just three days ago, the young man was interviewed by OK! Magazine journalist _Sabbie Visha. _Not only was the star described as "edgy" and "nervous", the content of the interview has gripped the showbiz world:

**SV: **Your latest live broadcast that went out just half an hour ago has gripped the nation by force! Viewers have expressed a keen interest in the new potential character Sonny Monroe. What can you tell me about her? Is she the new girl on the Falls?

**CDC: **_*sighs and looks down to the ground* _Sonny Monroe is a good friend of mine who works on So Random. She's cheerful, bright, happy…and she's gone missing, I, I don't know _where _she is. I don't know, everywhere I've looked she's not there. It's like she's d-_disappeared! …_I do know one thing though, I love her.

**SV: ***_laughs lightly_* You mean that you're _in love _with the new character of Mackenzie Falls set to storm TV!

**CDC:***_Frowns_* No. I mean the _real _Sonny Monroe who has worked on So Random for seven years.

**SV: **I'm a big fan of both _So Random _and _Mackenzie Falls_- I mean seriously I watch them religiously, but I've _never _seen Sonny Monroe on any episode of _So Random. _

**CDC: ***_Stands up* _That's it?! _What _is going on? Why does no-one _know _Sonny Monroe. Is this some kind of sick joke?

**SV: **Not that I'm aware of.

**CDC: **I'm going to find Sonny Monroe, and get to the bottom of this _right now- _GOOD DAY.

Has the pressure of Mackenzie Falls got the star Chad Dylan Cooper? Doctor Nick Pearson explains the potential symptoms of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder):

"_PTSD - post-traumatic stress disorder - can arise at any point in a person's life. If the person is under consistent emotional pressure or strain, or has bear witness to horrific and shocking events, they may develop symptoms for PTSD which include anxiety, fear and intense shock."_

However, Dr. Pearson goes on to explain there is no evidence at this stage that Chad Dylan Cooper can be diagnosed:

"_Things like this need time to access. Mr. Cooper is not at a stage critical enough for me, or any Doctor, to believe a diagnosis is needed. It's showbiz, and stars get stressed all the time. If it's not one of his demeaning statements to draw attention to himself, it could just be intense stress. But to make this __clear __to readers, Mr. Cooper's recent behaviour __does not in any way __have a connection with PTSD at this moment in time."_

An exclusive interview with _Michael Ronsey _informed the world that 'Sonny Monroe' is not a new character for season eight of Mackenzie Falls. _So Random _director, _Marshall Pike, _told us that "there has never been a Sonny Monroe on the show, clearly Chad needs some time away from Mackenzie Falls."

Is Mackenzie Falls _too much _for superstar Chad Dylan Cooper? Doctor Pearson & Marshall Pike seem to believe it is possible.

But the question is, is it the star's turn to fall through the cascade of fame and into the constellation of Rehab?

Let's hope not Chad, we like you!

Take a break & chill out.

_Vicky Harvord_

Heat magazine.

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_Is that your ghost,_

_Or are you really there?_

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If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again…In the extremely early hours of the morning, sat in an old fraying dressing gown (that was stained in toothpaste), Chad Dylan Cooper wondered whether there was a flaw to this statement. Surely, if you tried for a certain amount of times and _didn't_ succeed, then the phrase could be defined as utter bullshit- _right_? Well what if -hypothetically - you had tried something one-hundred and whatever times and _still _didn't succeed? Were you meant to just - hypothetically - _try again…_and again…_and again? _He assumed it depended on how important the situation was. For instance, if you were trying to memorize a set of numbers, it wouldn't _really _matter if you couldn't because they were written down on the paper in front of you. But if - hypothetically - you were trying to find the love of your life who seemed to have vanished off the face of the earth and _failed_…well then that really _was _a bloody problem.

His bloodshot, unfocused eyes bored into the laptop screen, which was the only artificial light illuminating the darkened room. From the bedroom window, the first sign of morning echoed across the horizon, a small ray of sunlight crept through the curtains. However, it wasn't the kind of sunlight he had become accustomed to all these years. It was diluted, the ends unravelled without resonance and reason…_uninspiring. _In fact, as he drew his eyes over to the glowing curtain, it resembled rain and ominous clouds. The kind of sunlight he was used to _appeared to no longer exist_-

Impossible.

…_Possible._

Improbable-

-Probable

-Only in fucking fiction!

Bringing his hands to cup his face in distress, Chad sighed deeply. The battle of contrasting thoughts had been rampaging through his mind since he left the studio yesterday. Every sense of normality had seemed to collapse in front of his face all _too _suddenly. Not only was the _ridiculous _truth daunting, it was scary…_horrible. _Despite none of his past theories making any real sense at all, Chad Dylan Cooper had attempted to find ways to prove that Sonny Monroe did indeed exist, because _she had to. _A world without Sonny…well just thinking about it made him feel uneasy. Even worse, if it was true, it would be his fault. _Guilt. _He was the one to erase Connie Monroe's daughter off the planet, the one to deny So Random of their biggest break, the one to remove the world's favourite person. _Guilt. _He was the one to take away the person that little girls would aspire to be like, the role model for society, and a talented beautiful woman.

…

What kind of person had the _power _to erase somebody? No. This wasn't about power. It was about morals. And right now, Chad Dylan Cooper felt like the most immoral being alive in the entire universe. What had given _him _the right to be able to _DELETE _somebody- wasn't that God's will? Actually, Chad Dylan Cooper was unsure if even _God _could do something like this-

-Something like _what?! _He had no underlining evidence to prove that his wish had come true,…apart from the fact nobody remembered her including her own mother, and the world seemed to believe she didn't exist. Typing into the laptop, the same words he had typed over and over and over and over again since midnight, he swallowed-hard. _Please, please come up with something. _If at first you don't succeed, try and try again…well this had to be the one-hundredth and fiftieth time. Therefore, it had to be time for _believable _results. A rush of anxiety and nauseating hope overwhelmed his body.

Search.

Waiting for the screen to load up, he sat there miserably, shaking hands scrolling down his face, until his nails rested in a cage of gritted teeth. He'd been up _all night. _At first he had just sat in his bed, thinking. Then the thoughts had progressed into scenarios, what-if's and _accusations. _A voice in his head starting thrusting immeasurable heaps of guilt onto his plate, not empathising with the fact that Chad Dylan Cooper already had too much to chew. And the truth was, he really _did _have too much on his plate. In the centre was Sonny Monroe, surrounded by feelings he'd established as love yesterday. Though it was sprinkled in a sickly confusion that tasted sharp. On the side was Mackenzie Falls, drizzled in opportunities and fame. Beside that, in a discreet pile that seemed to be expanding, was the media. Slowly, he'd watched it infiltrate through the lump of Mackenzie Falls, making it's way towards Sonny Monroe.

_Idiot. _

He shouldn't have spoken to Miss Vixa - Visha _whatever - _in the way he had done at that interview yesterday. He should have kept his feelings to himself, and replied courteously. He shouldn't have bitten back, but he was _panicking. _Christ he _still _was panicking. What if his wish really _had _come true?! What the hell was he going to do? Although Chad Dylan Cooper's main focus was searching for sunlight, part of him was _dreading _to see the headlines of this morning's paper. Lifting his tired eyes back to the loaded screen, he saw exactly what he didn't want to see.

0 results Found.

_Did you mean _Marilyn Monroe?

Frustrated, he thumped the desk, creating a violent tremor which knocked a few books from the top shelf.

Shit.

_Just shit. _

Even _Google _didn't remember her. Yes, Chad Dylan Cooper was googling Sonny Monroe. Why? Simply because if somebody as famous as Sonny Monroe _didn't _come up on google…then maybe his wish really had- no it was impossible. It _had _to be impossible, because it couldn't _be _possible. It wasn't probable either. It was unreal, _surreal. _Horrible. _Terrifying. _GUILT. Panic, _his fault_-

-He slammed his head down on the desk dejectedly. Really, was he doing this again- _really? _The same loophole of endless guilt and panic had been sweeping through his system. Each time he dwelled on the possibility of his wish coming true, the loophole expanded. In fact, it had slowly transformed into a perilous blackhole, sucking the colour from his skin, the light from his eyes, the memories from his mind. And despite drowning in guilt, he managed to surface for a moment to watch the clock on his bedside table shake. 7:30 AM.

It was time for work…time for another day _without _sunshine. Another day lacking the familiar face. Another day without Sonny Monroe. Stumbling towards the bathroom, Chad groaned groggily. As he summoned the courage to look into the mirror, he saw a drained face staring back. It was a disappointment, _even worse _it was not flawless, and it definitely was a long shot form perfection. The last drop of his glowing complexion fell, leaving a rough pallid face, bloodshot eyes and impossible hair that had defied the laws of gravity.

That morning, Chad Dylan Cooper was too consumed by overwhelming anxiety and guilt to realise he had just brushed his teeth with Aloe Vera hand soap, and washed his hands with Colgate Cavity Protection toothpaste.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_Holds his head in disgrace _

_He can't escape the truth_

_He knows the price that he's paid_

_He admits that it's too late to admit that he's afraid._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

Chad Dylan Cooper didn't _do_ crying, _because_ he believed crying was only for women…and men with a penis so small that they could easily be considered as a transvestite. It was as simple as this;_ real _men didn't cry. Oh no, of _course _they didn't. They shook it off, _like a man_, and continued with their life. Although it sounded ignorant and obnoxious, there was no room for crying in a _real _man's life. Real men were invincible. Real men were _strong. _They masked themselves away behind a _superior_ that had taken the original masterpiece within and distorted it. The superior took things out of proportion, it selected colours that only _other_ people liked, it chalked out insecurities. It brushed charcoal over the fragile paper-soul; the words choked on it's own ebony ashes. It made _continuous _enhancements, until all that was left, was a "real man"; a superficial stereotype with no personality or individuality.

As Chad Dylan Cooper slowly pressed his back against the wall on a remote corridor in Condor Studios, resting his head against the chipped paint, he began to question what it was about crying that "real men" didn't like. Perhaps it was letting go, and showing _human _characteristics that unnerved "real men." _Maybe _it was because the tears could wash away the superior's artwork, and leave behind the masterpiece that was originally there? _Maybe _it was because they feared it, which was the most ridiculous thing Chad Dylan Cooper had thought _all week - _and it had been a strange week. Being _scared _of tears made no sense. It was basically just…water.

Water encapsulated with nothing but _pure_ emotion.

Tears.

Shutting his eyes, Chad inhaled the dry air around him. It was enough to keep his body going, but it wasn't what he _needed. _Nothing here was what he _needed. _Everything he ever _needed_ he had _needlessly _wished away. All because of jealousy, bitterness and _rage _concealing love and desire entwined with stubborn denial that suffocated _truth_. It had been five days since he had made that _stupid _wish. Already, he was going _insane. _Guilt occupied one shoulder, and hatred for himself occupied the other. There was new addition to the gang; lost hope. His life was a lie, and the only piece of truth he'd ever had he still lied to.

He wondered. He wondered if Sonny Monroe had looked through 'I hate you' and read it with that clever brain she had. He wondered if Sonny Monroe had looked through the stone cold eyes with her soft composing hazel orbs. He wondered if Sonny Monroe had looked through the deceptive skin with her own striking complexion. He wondered some more. He wondered whether Sonny Monroe had really _known _how he had really felt about her. He wondered whether Sonny Monroe had seen him as Chad or Chad Dylan Cooper. He wondered whether this was the final straw, and that this wish of his really _had _been granted.

And then, he wondered _why._

He wondered why he'd told Sonny Monroe that the day they split up was the _best day of his life _when it had been the worst. He wondered why he hadn't tried to win her back, and why he'd been _arrogant _enough to believe she would be the one crawling back to his feet within a week. He wondered why after the years of fighting, he hadn't been mature enough to stop instigating new problems and finding feeble _excuses _for her to communicate with him. He wondered why he'd never told her, even when they _were _together, that she was his world, and without her he'd be nothing but a sorry excuse for a man. Dammit. He wondered why he'd always left the important things unsaid, why he had _assumed _everybody _had _to know because he was Chad Dylan Cooper.

And then he wondered _how._

How was this possible? _How _was he going to get her back? …_Could _he get her back? Was she lost from the world forever? Was she _really _gone, or was this a test? How could his wish have come true? Wishes _didn't _come true. And if they did, then why the hell did God - or whoever was up there - decide to grant _that _fucking one? _How _had Sonny Monroe disappeared off the earth-

"-Are you okay Chad?"

Opening his eyes instantly, Chad adjusted his vision, meeting the eyes of a blonde woman. For the first time since he'd known her, she looked empathising, _sympathetic. _Shrugging casually, Chad averted his eyes to the floor, wondering _how _Tawni Hart had found him here, and more importantly: _why _she was here. Not bothering to interrogate her, Chad sighed. _Are you okay Chad? _The words came quickly, and without thought.

"It depends." Pause. "Would you be _okay _if you were the only person to remember someone who was always here?"

Rolling her eyes, Tawni frowned. Not this _again. _Slapping his shoulder lightly, the woman met his eyes in a glance entangled with doubt and disbelief.

"Chad listen, if this is about that _Sonny _person then-"

Growing defensive, Chad pushed himself away from the wall, narrowing his eyes. 'That Sonny person' happened to be her best friend five days ago. To think, it was all his fault that this was happening. Surely, if you were the one to start an apocalypse where the sun had shrivelled into nothing…you could bring the sunlight back…_right? _Panic. What if this was one of those situations where there was no way out? What if she was gone _forever? _Fear. _No. _Bad dream, _nightmare. _No escape. Trapped. Forever gone, forever- _stupid idiot -_

"-No Tawni you listen to _me! _Something's happened and I-" He shut his eyes briefly, trying to compose himself. His voice softened to a hoarse murmur; the words were more directed at himself than Tawni.

"I-I don't know _how_ but I have to fix it."

_He _had started it after all. Frowning at the superstar, Tawni swallowed-hard. Leaning in towards him to catch his eyes, she offered him a forced smile. It wasn't the slightest bit comforting, or the slightest bit friendly, but it was a smile. It had only dawned on the superstar now that his vision seemed to get worse by the second. Tawni's face slowly morphed into nothing but a blur. Quickly, Chad brought a hand up to his hazy eyes, rubbing them. It was probably the dust. Of course it was.

"I'm going to give you some advice Chad, something I don't _normally _do, but you're kind of pretty - (she gestured towards herself with a small bat of her eyelids) like _me _- so consider yourself lucky." In less than a second, her tone flipped from slightly supportive to blandly factual.

"I think you should stop talking openly about this little _hallucination _of yours because it's losing _your _show viewers _and _ours. In fact, the whole of Condor Studios is getting crap because of _your _attention-seeking stunt_. _Sonny Monroe doesn't exist and she never will exist."

Resisting the urge to fight back, Chad gritted his teeth, balling his fists. Her words echoed through the empty corridor, bouncing back and forth through his mind. Attention-seeking stunt…was that what people thought? He'd _made her up _to get _attention? _So for trying to find some _truth, _it made him the bad guy? Oh, this was _too much. _It was only after her words had echoed around his mind another three times he was able to discover just _how _impossibly _impossible _the situation was. Sonny Monroe, didn't exist…but she _did. _Offering Tawni nothing but a vacant expression, he targeted the silence with bitter bullets.

"I'm going to give _you _some advice Tawni. It's something I don't _normally _do, but you're kind of pretty- like me - so consider yourself lucky." He said mockingly, mimicking her words. His tone dramatically switched from sarcastic to severe, startling the woman.

"I think you should take your thoughts and screw them up the ass backwards because everything in _this_ world is a _lie._ Sonny Monroe _does_ exist and she's been your best friend for years. A good best friend would help Chad Dylan Cooper out."

Silence. It seemed that Tawni Hart was _considering _his words. Folding her arms over her chest, she raised her eyebrows, trying to find a hint of deception behind his words. Unfortunately, she found none. Standing before her was nothing but a genuine…and strangely _desperate _Chad. Sonny Monroe…it sounded like a name she could get familiar with. _Best friends?_ Well Chad Dylan Cooper was definitely wrong about _that_, she didn't have a best friend. Finally, caving, the blonde stared down Chad curiously.

"What do you want _me _to do about your little problem?" She asked dismissively, attempting to hide confusion.

Relief. Hope. A potential person who could _feel _the same sunlight he could.

"I just want you to believe me." He admitted, casting his eyes to the floor.

At that moment, a fragment of hope smashed into a thousand brittle pieces, piercing his skin. And when he found the will to look at her, he was met with a smirk, not a smile. Tawni Hart laughed at his proposal. Laughed. _Believe him? _The sound of her laughing was demoralising, and also heartbreaking. Belief, _denied._ What kind of world _was _this? To be exact, it was a world without vibrancy, happiness and all elements of the sun. Without the sun, the world was enveloped in darkness, and everything _everyone _was cold; ice cold. In fact, the temperature had just shot from minus one-hundred to _absolute zero. _It was now so freezing, that Chad felt nothing, he _was _nothing; he was nowhere. Refraining from laughing to draw in a lungful of air, the woman grinned.

"_Believe _you? I thought you were going to ask for me to help you get _rid _of this situation, not _fuel _it. You're acting _delusional_, no-one in their right mind would believe you." Laughter ceased, and Tawni pointed a finger at him.

"That better be the last of Sonny Mon-doesn't-exist-roe." She flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder, turning on her heel.

"Now if you excuse me, I have an appointment with my mirror."

He watched her walk away down the corridor, leaving him with a heap of shredded hope in his trembling hands. A beacon of hope had been built, and then it had been _obliterated_ by a person he had thought would _listen _to him. He hadn't asked much of her. He hadn't asked her to go along with his "hallucination". He hadn't asked her to talk to the press on his behalf. He hadn't even asked her to help him _look _for her. He had asked for one simple thing, something people on good terms could usually exchange. Belief. And she had declined the offer.

It took Chad Dylan Cooper two minutes to establish that there was no leak in the ceiling above, causing water to drip down his face. The water smothering his skin had come from a different source, a familiar one. _His eyes. _His god-damn _eyes. _

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_I'm stuck in Parallel Worlds, it's something supernatural_

_It won't let me go._

_It's paranormal and no-one else believes me_

_I feel so alone again._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

A week had passed since Sonny Monroe's _disappearance_. To be more accurate, a week had passed since Chad Dylan Cooper's fucking _stupid _wish had come true. It had to be the worst week of his life. The weather forecast was constantly colossal cloudiness which imprisoned the sunlight behind its silver bars. Every now and then, his hopes would rise, especially at sunset. Each time the sun set, and the sky was smouldering in a collection of smoky tones of purple and amber, Chad Dylan Cooper sat by his window. As he sat by his window he would shut his eyes, and he would say each and every time the sun set the same thing. _Tomorrow she will be here. Tomorrow everything will be alright. _

Though he had realised that his wish had come true, he was in denial about the her being gone _forever. _She _had _to come back, because she had to. A day without her had been strenuous, unbearable and stormy. Now it had progressed into seven days of hell. Seven days of hell had passed. Seven days of _hell,_ _in _hell, with people who had been sent _from _hell to _make _his life hell. In fact, it wasn't even _hell. _It was indescribable. He hadn't slept for three days, and it was starting to show on his _perfect _face. The radiance had been drained from his complexion, and the sparkly stars in his eyes were slowly crashing down onto this strange world he was living in. It wasn't a _horrible _sight, but it wasn't a _brilliant _one either. In fact, it was disastrously beautiful, beautifully disastrous.

The moment Chad Dylan Cooper drove into the studio car park, was the moment he was bombarded with hundreds of people _flocking _outside the studio. He assumed they had been waiting for _him_, because the second somebody spotted his silver convertible, they swarmed towards him. And before he could reverse to get the hell out of the paparazzi herd, reporters had deliberately wedged themselves behind the flashy convertible. Swallowing-hard, Chad blinked, adjusting his eyes to the constant bright flashes of light going off in his eyes. A hundred voices were shouting at him, calling his name. Some of them were saying things just to get his attention. Some of them were asking him ridiculous questions. But _all _of them were focusing on Sonny Monroe. The "invisible girl" they called her. _Psht. _You would have thought the press would have come up with something more _original _than _that._

Beeping his car horn angrily, Chad gritted his teeth. This was the _last _thing he wanted at eight o'clock in the fucking morning. Even worse, they weren't bloody _moving. _

"_Please _get out the way- dammit!" he screamed in distress, feeling an overwhelming feeling consume him.

Now Chad Dylan Cooper was used to their presence. He was the star of the number one hit drama show _Mackenzie Falls _after all. He knew what the press were like. They were intimidating, sometimes plain _freaky_ and extremely _nosy. _Oh, _and _they were liars. Each and every person shouting at him, pressing their hands against his car _deserved _noses longer than Pinocchio. He scrolled the car windows up, pulling the convertible roof up as he locked the doors. Some of these people were _crazy_. For all he knew they'd try and _jump _into his car. They were already knocking on the windows manically. A little stunned by their enthusiasm, Chad pulled his sunglasses over his eyes.

Never had he dealt with something like _this. _This was huge. This was a fucking _riot, _a rampage. It was intrusive, rude _and _god-damn stressful. To put things into perspective, he was stuck in a traffic jam- OF PEOPLE - in a _car park. _It was stupid, that's what it was. He tried to compose himself, knowing half of these shots would be printed on tabloids and manipulated. The sad thing was, most of the world would believe the shit as well.

"Come on come _on!" _He yelled furiously, gazing at the crowd of people in front of his car.

He repetitively beeped his car horn loudly at the journalists that were blocking his entrance to his bloody _studio. _Next thing he knew, they would be at his _house. _Jesus Christ. Sighing, he brought his hands to his face in distress. He'd be here for some time now probably. He'd just have to sit here, and wait for them to bugger off. He couldn't exactly _run them over- _as much as he'd _love to _splatter them _all _over the fucking walls- it was _illegal_. They _were _human beings, though they had seemed to have mutated into _creatures _with no morals or emotions. His vicious car bared it's teeth, growling sadistically at the swarm. Although it was an _obvious_ bluff, most of the reports _with sense _dived out of the way. He car growled disobediently once more. The growl transformed into a strident roar followed by a loud distinctive _beep. _

"_MOVE." _Chad hissed lividly, a petulant scowl plastered over his lips.

With the power of his ferocious car, Chad parted the sea of reporters, with the same definitive power Moses had used to part the Red Sea…only Moses had a stick…and well _that _was also in a completely different context. Driving to the closest available space to the door, Chad Dylan Cooper parked his car up, unaware of whose space he had just parked in. It didn't matter. This was an _emergency! _He needed to get inside as fast as he possibly could. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Chad could hear the reporters running towards his neatly parked car, awaiting him to step out the convertible. Unlocking the door nervously, Chad rubbed his throbbing temple. What had he done to deserve _this? _

Oh yeah, he'd wished away the love of his life without thought, _that's what. _

Finally finding courage to step out into the pack of savage lions waiting to devour him, ready to shred his confidence to pieces mercilessly, Chad opened his convertible door. Instantly, an unwelcoming silence echoed across the car park. Click- his car was locked. Gazing at the creatures surrounding him, Chad said nothing. He didn't need to say a word, he'd said _enough _to that Visha woman. The second he took a step towards the door, the lions roared. They were back on the prowl, attacking his face with their claws. He assumed the microphones thrust in his face forcefully were supposed to act as bait, to lure in prey, along with the magazine articles shoved in his face.

Pushing his way through the mob, he saw a half amused, half shocked Tawni Hart at the entrance. Running to the door instantly, she dragged him into the studio, slamming the door shut. Security dealt with the rest, making their way to the door entrance where chaos broke out. Tawni gazed at a rather shaken Chad in concealed concern. Taking the sunglasses off with a stifled yawn, Chad returned a solemn, tetchy look. He hadn't really spoken to Tawni - yet alone _anybody - _for a couple of days. The company of himself wasn't _great_, but it was better than wasting words with persistent non-believers.

"Thanks." he muttered, though it was obvious he really didn't appreciate her involvement at all, or her presence.

Accepting his cold tone and identifying the dismissal in his voice, Tawnita Hart shrugged nonchalantly. She took one last gaze at the blonde man before turning on her heel rudely.

"I _did_ warn you." She chanted.

As she walked off, Chad heard her chirpy voice echoing down the hallway: _now I'm pretty AND right._ Rolling his eyes, the heartthrob made his way to the Mackenzie Falls stage, glad to have his breathing space back. Things at the Falls had been…different this week. Since the live broadcast, views had rocketed, but the press were only interested in giving the show publicity because of the interesting back-story Chad was conjuring up; Sonny Monroe. A couple of people were ok with his constant attention-seeking act as they called it. However, a _large _proportion of people were _not _ok with his recent behaviour.

Entering the set, he was met with suck-up smiles, murderous looks and genuine anxiety. The atmosphere in the studio was tense. And he felt like all eyes were fixated on him. Usually, that would have been a _major _ego booster. However, _these _kind of looks were not ones of awe, they were a whole new kind. They were making him edgy. Each time he _tried _to meet eyes with a co-star, they quickly averted their vision away. But the moment he turned away, he could feel their eyes staring him down again.

Chad Dylan Cooper wondered if over the course of this week he'd developed a rare case of paranoia, because right now, all he could do was stand silently, attempting to catch proof that people were staring. A man walked out of one of the backrooms, pacing towards Chad. It was Michael, the director of Mackenzie Falls, accompanied by….

Chad squinted at the scrawny figure briskly following Michael. He was in his late forties, greyish brown hair framed his face. Shit - it was his _manager, _the manager he hadn't spoken properly to for weeks. Tom was an experienced manager, and a _brilliant _one. But that didn't mean that they _got along. _In fact, they really _didn't _get along. They had the exact kind of relationship a manager and a client _shouldn't _have. As the two men approached, Chad exchanged false readable smiles. Gesticulating towards the empty room to their left, Michael spoke.

"This way Chad."

The smile slid of Chad's lips instantly. No hello, no _how are you, _no _my number one star! _Just: _this way Chad. _Gazing over to the room, Chad swallowed-hard. Crap. Crap crap crap. He had to be dreaming. It was _the room. _Nothing good _ever _happened to people who went in that room. _SHIT. _Anxiety spread through his veins. Was he going to be _fired?! No. _That was stupid. Heart racing, Chad glanced from the room to his director in hidden panic. It seemed to be masked well, as Michael noticed nothing. Forcing a curt smile, Chad nodded politely…being polite _might _just save his sorry ass from _the room._

"Sure," confusion pelted him fast, and he couldn't _help_ but ask. "Er what's going on-?"

"-_Just do what he says_." His manager - Tom - interrupted snappily, nudging Chad gruffly towards the door.

Obeying his manager without second thought, Chad walked into the room, followed by his first and _only_ manager. Michael sat at one end of the rather long table, a file on the desk. Choking on the swell in his throat, Chad took the seat opposite his director on the other side; Tom casually pulled up a chair in the middle of the pair. Clasping his hands together gently, Michael looked at Chad softly. Returning the genuine look, Chad ruffled a hand through his dry hair. All that was running through his mind was pessimistic thoughts. It was the end. Surely it was. Getting straight to the point, Michael addressed the actor.

"I can't help but notice this past week you've been very…" he searched for the correct word pensively. "_distracted_."

Narrowing his eyes curiously, Chad leant forwards in his chair. Was he accusing him of _slacking?_ Chad Dylan Cooper did _not _slack. He was _devoted _to his work. He loved his job more than he loved _himself_…yes, he had dared himself to say it. There was an edge to Michael's voice, suggesting he was trying _too _hard to be courteous about the topic.

"What do you mean?" Chad asked, sounding both a little offended and startled.

Exchanging a look with Tom, Michael frowned. Sizing up the intensity in their eyes, Chad groaned. This didn't sound good_ at all. _Flicking from his director to his manager, the blonde man leant back on his chair. Seizing the opportunity, Tom spoke briskly.

"He _means _this Sonny Mon-_whatever_ fiasco. This little publicity stunt you're pulling." Being blunt was Tom's talent, and being an asshole about it was _also _his speciality. Watching Tom flail his arms about hopelessly in distress, Chad opened his mouth to shoot a response. But Michael cut in first.

"This whole thing is giving our show bad press-"

Snatching the file melodramatically from the table, Tom whipped out a magazine with Chad's face on it.

"-And_ yourself _bad press." He interjected, throwing the cut-out article in his direction.

Nervously, Chad gazed down at the papers. He had been _deliberately_ avoiding any form of media. He didn't really _want _to see what people were writing about him. He didn't want to know what the world thought of him, which _had _to be a sign he was losing it. The day Chad Dylan Cooper _didn't _care what people thought about him…well it was a rare day. As his eyes caught the clever subtitle, he gaped in horror. The sneaky press had completely taken _everything _out of proportion as expected.

"Bright star Chad Dylan Cooper burns out." he read aloud before slamming the paper down on the table angrily.

_Burning out? _That's what the world thought about him. They assumed he was _burning out. _Like an appealing item of food past it's sell by date, a old ragged t-shirt, a dying star. Tom examined Chad's look severely. It seemed that Chad Dylan Cooper believed he'd developed a superpower of shooting deadly lasers from his eyes. Well, the way he glared at those papers was convincing enough.

"We understand that the stress of your job is getting to you psychologically."

Lifting his head from the press releases to his manager, Chad frowned. _No. _They'd gotten it all wrong. He wasn't _stressed out _he was just _trying _to find the love of his life, who had vanished off the face of the planet. Nobody seemed to believe him either. Michael continued from Tom, using the tone that only meant one thing. Bracing himself, Chad straightened up.

"This kind of publicity is gaining us viewers but it's losing us_ ratings_ Chad, and Mackenzie Falls can't _afford _to lose anymore ratings-"

It was clear whatever the decision was, Michael was trying to break it to him gently. Tom, however, was working by a different system.

"-It's been decided that due to your incapability to _control _yourself, you are going to take some time off the show." Blunt _bastard._

Almost falling out of his chair, Chad's eyes widened in shock. _What?! _No. This couldn't be happening. Unable to process the words in a calm way, Chad suffocated on the air around him. First Sonny Monroe, now _his career? _Even _this _was partly his fault. If he hadn't blabbed in that interview, this wouldn't be happening right now. But he was _panicking. _Hell, he was _still _panicking. Sonny Monroe was _gone. _And he had no fucking idea how to get her back. The _last _thing he needed was _time off _his show. The show was the only thing taking his mind of the overwhelming guilt, the sorrow, _the pain. _Mackenzie Falls was _his life. _For nine years, his pride and joy. Now, just because times got tough, they were shooing the _star _of the show away?

"Y-you can't be _serious?_!" Chad cried in horror, standing up dramatically.

Averting his eyes from the actor, Michael also stood up, heading towards the door. His tone became more distant and unsympathetic.

"Until you recover from your psychological stress problems, I'm calling you off."

Making his way out the room, Michael grabbed the megaphone from the side, preparing for another long day, _without _the star of the show. Diving drastically out the room, a desperate look on his face, Chad ran after the director.

"But y-you _can't. _I'm _Mackenzie! _The show's called _Mackenzie Falls!" _His loud yell attracted the attention of everyone in the studio. But Chad didn't give a damn. He couldn't _leave _his job, even it was temporary. Without Mackenzie Falls, well he was _nothing. _Mackenzie Falls without him was _nothing. _Though right now, he was beginning to doubt that, the predicament he was in hinted otherwise.

"What are you going to do call in my _double _to fill in or something because he can't act for _shit _and you know that_!_" Silence.

It was now that Chad Dylan Cooper did something he _never _did- he begged. Like a whiney, pathetic loser, he _begged._

"_Please _Michael, I'll fix everything up." His director ignored him, continuing to walk. "I'll buy you a Lamborghini." No response, a few people in the room gasped at his tempting bribe.

"Come on Mike, a _Lamborghini." _He added a little playfully with a forced laugh. Michael said nothing, impassive to his words. Chad frowned, how could _anyone_ in their right mind turn down a Lamborghini? Eyes lighting up, he continued.

"I'll _even _get you one of those cool gadget thingies that Brad Pitt_-_"

Spinning around to face Chad, Michael sighed deeply.

"-Bribery is _not _going to make me change my mind Chad."

Meeting his director's eyes pleadingly, Chad bit his lip solemnly, and the emotions inside poured from his bleeding soul.

"I-_can't-_leave." he said through tightened lips. "Mackenzie Falls is _my home," _pause. "It's _me_."

Shaking his head slowly, Michael tried to hide his own sadness. Seeing Chad like this was a tragedy in the making. Yes, Mackenzie Falls really _was _the key component to Chad Dylan Cooper. He understood what taking this away meant, but it would _also _take away the bad publicity, and the low ratings. As the director, he had to do what was best for the show, and the people _on _the show.

"If you clear up this _Sonny Monroe _mess, you can come back to Mackenzie Falls. Until then, you're suspended."

Chad Dylan Cooper stumbled over his feet clumsily as soon as he registered the words- _suspended. _"Time off" had suddenly become _suspension?! _This was serious. And even worse, Michael's last request was a damn stupid test of where his loyalties lay. Finding Sonny Monroe was a priority, finding how to bring her back and _who _took her away was also top priority. The press and the people around him that refused to support him in this weren't worth _dealing _with. He couldn't just "clear up" this Sonny Monroe business for two reasons. One: she actually _did _exist, she just wasn't _here_. Two: He was set on finding sunlight in this wretched place.

"Chad," Gazing up dejectedly from the spot he stood, Chad's eyes met his Manager.

"I'll be in touch in a few weeks."

A few weeks? _Woah. _How _long _was this suspension going to last? Nodding silently, Chad offered a weak smile. Tom took two steps forwards. Then he paused, and pivoted backwards. Chad recognised the look on his face, awaiting the snide remark to surface.

"Seeing as you and your suspended ass is leaving the building, you can remove your car from Mr. Condor's parking space before he suspends you _permanently_."

Narrowing his eyes, Chad took one last look at Tom before walking towards the exit. Blunt _bastard. _

Walking out of stage two sent a sickening shiver up his spine. To think, this could be the last time he _ever _set foot in this building. Gazing around the surroundings of the corridor, Chad swallowed-hard. Nine years of memories. Nine years of hard work. Nine years of success. Nine years of practically spending _every single day _in this building. Of course he had grown attached to it. He loved this place more than his fancy mansion. Tripping up on one of the chairs in the narrow hallway, Chad starred down at it fondly. He could remember his thirteen year old self, sitting here, waiting for an audition.

The wide-eyed, enthusiastic, cheerful boy had sat on this chair, swinging his legs carelessly to the beat of the music blasting out from his ipod…Don't Stop me Now by Queen if he recalled correctly. Wow, how he had changed. Casting his eyes away from the first memory he'd made in the building, Chad Dylan Cooper sighed. This may be his last memory.

As he looked at the new Mackenzie Falls poster, Chad studied the a blonde man standing in front of a waterfall. The closer he looked, the less it looked like him.

It dawned on him there and then.

Sonny Monroe wasn't the only person missing in this world.

_He _was missing.

* * *

_You won't cry for my absence I know_

_You forgot me long ago._

_Am I that unimportant?Am I so insignificant?Isn't something missing?_

…_Isn't someone missing me?_

**o O o O o O o O o **

**In case you were wondering, "you won't cry for my absence I know" is referring to Chad leaving the Falls on suspension D: **

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was a long one I know. But trust me, it's ALL relevant. I had to cut out so many scenes!s**

**Reviews & feedback deeply appreciated (:**

**o O o O o O o O o **


	5. Your mistakes & Mine

**AN UPDATE! Finally- I do apologise for no updating recently, been so busy & my computer decided to get one of the worst viruses possible . so I had to fix that!**

**This chapter is a little long- but only as long a chapter in a printed book :) lol.**

**I have worked hard on this, so I REALLY hope you enjoy it. **

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the _**L**__ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2009

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND.**

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**4. Your mistakes & Mine .4**

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Being suspended from Mackenzie Falls had created a spiralling sinkhole of depression worse than Chad could have ever imagined. It was like trying to keep a handful of memories and dreams in the palm of you hand. Each and every second, tiny grains making up the final picture slipped through your fingers, to the shoreline where the daunting waters hit your shaking feet, swallowing the remains. Eventually, one small grain was left in your palm; it was the chaotic storm above you that obliterated it. And then, when you took a step forward, attempting to maintain confidence, maintain _yourself- _the ground you stood on gave way. On the way down, there's no obstacles to slow your passage to infinite darkness, there's no hand reaching out to break your fall. You just fall, _forever. _Further; _faster_.

Forever.

That was _exactly _how Chad was beginning to feel, though he wouldn't admit the way he tripped over his feet was due to the rate his hope was plummeting into nothing, _nothing. _Living in a world without Sonny Monroe was _worse _than anything he'd ever had to endure in his life, and Chad Dylan Cooper had endured a lot of shit. It was like the sunlight had been stripped mercilessly from the sky, no warmth, _no life_. Wallowing in nothingness, Chad drifted though this strange world alone, unsure what exactly he should do. As far as finding Sonny Monroe was concerned, he had _no idea _how the hell he was going to achieve that. In fact, Chad Dylan Cooper was beginning to doubt if he'd _ever _see that angelic face again. The _thought _of losing her for good, well it brought tears to his eyes. He was such an _idiotic asshole. _Had he never heard the phrase 'be careful what you wish for?' Or did he assume it didn't _apply _because he was Chad Dylan Cooper?

Walking down the steps from his classy front door, a single leather suitcase in hand (filled with _only _essential needs), Chad locked the front door to his mansion securely. He studied the large lot of land- the house that simply _wasn't _a home. The beautiful verdant garden, the water fountain, the swimming pool- none of it really had ever been put to good use, it was just _there. _As he threw his suitcase into the back of his convertible groggily, his eyes met the large sycamore tree standing majestically by the front gates of his long winding driveway. With a suppressed sigh, he rested his clenched hands on the top of the convertible boot. Last night, for the first time _in days_, Chad had managed to get _some _sleep. In those hours where his body repaired itself, he had decided what his next move was going to be. It had taken hours of deliberation, hours of arguing with his conscience. But when the sun had slid into his window, he had made up his mind.

Chad Dylan Cooper was going to do exactly what Michael, and his manager Tom, had suggested. He was going to get away from this hectic life, take a break and try to figure out what the bloody _hell _was going on.

Chad Dylan Cooper was leaving Hollywood.

Not just because he no longer had anything to _do _here. He had nothing to _live _for. Whether it was a heated argument or a brutally rude greeting between each other, Chad found Sonny Monroe the only gravity in Hollywood that could push him back down to earth. Now she was gone, he was unable to keep his bearings. Over the years, he had become such a heartless, selfish airhead that he had lost _himself. That _was why he had to leave hell, the place where talent became trash. Finding Sonny was on the top of his priority list. But he couldn't _help _to repeat the same question inside his mind: what was the point in searching for someone when you couldn't even find _yourself? _

The honest truth, there was no point.

It was a lost cause.

Therefore, he was leaving the fancy mansion, the _fantastic _lifestyle, the fame behind. He'd even given up the glamour; this had to be the first time in _years_ he had worn a plain pair of jeans and a bland navy t-shirt. It was necessary. Today was the day he was leaving Hollywood, everything associated with Hollywood _had to go. _Thus, as he slammed the car boot forcefully shut and got into the car, _Chad_ took control of the steering wheel, not Chad Dylan Cooper. Slotting the keys into the car, he gripped the steering wheel tightly, breathing deeply. He had it all planned out. What he was about to do _scared _him, terrified him. The honest truth was it _had _to be done, cowering out of it for the second year in a row would _really _prove that there was no heart inside of him.

He was going to drive from Hollywood to San Francisco. Yes, he could have taken a _plane, _but the sound of a long drive on endless meandering highways for some _bizarre _reason appealed to him. Perhaps it was the thought of being _free, _to do whatever he _wanted _without being judged because nobody was around. Or perhaps it was because it would give him time to think, time to _reflect. _Deep down he knew the true reason- the prospect of Chad Dylan Cooper in an airport, exposed to people and press was more than he thought he could bare. So he was going to drive for two days straight, to get to San Francisco- where his older sister lived and crash at her place.

Of course, he hadn't _told _her he was crashing.

There was a _reason _why he wasn't going to let her know _in advance_. Firstly, they hadn't spoken properly for two years. He was unsure if she'd _talk _to him over the phone. Face to face, she'd have _no choice, _and she'd _have _to let him through the door because he'd drove _all _the way up to see her. Secondly, he _was _Chad Dylan Cooper. Even if it was his sister, he didn't _have_ to tell her that he was going to invite himself into her hospitality. Rude, yes. But she was used to it. Perhaps she'd even _missed _it for those two years…missed _him. _

His family had become disjointed since his climb to fame. He couldn't help but blame himself for it. None of them had expected his success to affect them the way it had. But it had. Their father had walked out when both he and Grace were young. And their mother, well wasn't _she _a nasty piece of work. Constantly looking down at people, turning her nose up to everything, stereotyping, judging, bitching and stirring trouble. His mother was quite a manipulative witch when she wanted to be-

-Shrugging the thoughts off solemnly, he ignited the car engine.

"Goodbye Hollywood, hello reality." He muttered morosely.

He could honestly say, he _wasn't _going to miss it.

He wouldn't miss the cameras, the fame, the screaming mobs of girls, his amazing mansion; _anything._

He wasn't going to miss a _single _thing about Hollywood, because the one person he genuinely cared about _no longer existed. _

And it was all his fault.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_I'm saying goodbye to the glamour_

_Back to the old neighbour hood_

_All that I need is a place that I can breathe_

_I'm saying goodbye to Hollywood_

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For the first few hours, Chad had driven in silence, not daring to turn on the radio. He was afraid to hear what was going on, what people were saying, what they were _assuming. _Instead, he'd been thinking. He'd been thinking about Sonny Monroe…and Sonny Monroe…and a little more about her. Once his mind was focused on the beautiful brunette, that feeling of falling through darkness intensified. And the road he was driving down became an endless road to nowhere. Her voice was echoing through his ears, some of the words stung, but some of them made him smile every now and then. He recalled their arguments, their conversations. He remembered the way she used to look at him when they dated, the way she kissed him, the way she was constantly proving herself to be _too good _for him.

Sonny Monroe really was one of a kind. People like her just didn't _exist. _To find her amongst the billions of people on earth really was the greatest miracle, his greatest discovery. But he'd abused it, and ruined everything. The world didn't seem like the world any longer because she _was _the world. As he dwelled further on the love of his life, and how on earth he was going to get her back, he'd almost caused three fatal car accidents. His eyes were unfocused, visualising her face, sketching in every detail to form an exact replica he could place in the back of his mind so that whenever he needed to assure himself she was real, it was there to look at.

But the ghost of Sonny Monroe haunting his mind wasn't enough.

He wanted the real thing.

…

He'd wished away the real thing.

Wishing for it back wasn't going to get it back either. In fact, the more he thought about _how _he was going to get her back, the more scared he became. It had been eight days now- _eight days. _These kind of things should _never _happen, and if they ever did, surely it should only be a temporary one day thing? Obviously not. He wondered if he was in a coma, and that Sonny Monroe was leaning over him, trying to wake him up. He also wondered if he was dead somehow, and this was his cruel punishment to prove himself before progressing on. _Whatever _was going on, it was torture. Enough was enough, it _had _to stop. But he knew it wouldn't, it was going to keep going…and going…and going.

What things stayed like this for months? He swallowed-hard, trying to focus on the road through blurry eyes. What if things stayed like this for…_years? _

…Forever-

Impossible.

_Possible._

Improbable.

_Probable-_

_-_Only in fiction.

Turning the radio on to take his mind of the prospect of losing her forever, Chad sighed. He wasn't a strong person, or a very deep one either. If this was some test of what he was made of, he was going to _fail. _

"In other news, it appears that Mackenzie Falls star Chad Dylan Cooper has been _suspended_ off the show due to excessive amounts of stress and-"

Chad aggressively punched another button on the car radio, subconsciously pushing down on the accelerator pedal harder. How had they found out so fast? Chad bet millions that his good for nothing bastard manager _Tom _had "accidentally" let it leak. Was it _impossible _to escape reality for one second? Little did he know, that every radio station was talking about the same thing.

"The search for Chad's Sonshine continues. We have Doctor Newman with us this morning to talk to us. So what exactly do you think the situation Doctor?"

_Yeah, _Chad thought to himself, tilting his head in an aggravated manner towards the radio, _let's hear how fucking crazy the expert thinks I am. _His grip tightened on the steering wheel. A new voice took over the radio.

"I think that the amount of pressure placed on the poor man has caused him to create an illusion, (Chad laughed sadistically at his comment) an escape from the stress and-"

Quickly, he changed the radio station again, bringing a hand to rub his tired eyes. A taunting melody bellowed out from the speakers.

_Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it_

_You just might get it_

_You just might g-_

-Diving for the off button frantically, Chad pulled up off the road. Slamming his head down on the steering wheel dejectedly, he frowned. Was the _whole world _out to ridicule him about his stupid mistake? What was coming next-'_ain't no sunshine'_? Was there a God somewhere up there with popcorn spewing out his mouth due to uncontrollable _laughter? _This was _not _funny. This was…fate was out to get him. He'd decided it. Fate hated him, it had hated him from the day he was born. Why exactly he didn't know, but he knew it had to be so. There was no other logical explanation for it, because wishes just _didn't _come true. He gazed at the clock which read 15:58; he'd been driving since the early hours of the morning.

Despite being seconds away from somewhere to rest, he swerved back into the road dangerously, ignoring the response from drivers around him. Sleeping was out of the question. He wasn't going to stop until he found Sonny Monroe, and everything was sorted out…because it was his _fault._. If this _was _some sort of strange test, he was beginning to warm up to this theory rather than the brutal 'she's gone forever' one, then it appeared he had _more _than one reason for visiting his older sister. The further he drove, the longer he struggled to keep his eyes open. But he didn't stop. Stopping would mean that he wanted to endure _more time _in this wretched place. Chad Dylan Cooper was _not _going to sleep, or rest. He was going to drive, and keep driving. _No sleep. _

By 16:02, Chad Dylan Cooper had pulled up to the small motel he was so keen to avoid. He collapsed in exhaustion inside the car the second he turned off the engine.

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_Looks like we didn't get far in a getaway car_

_You can't break free no matter where you are_

_It feels like home is just a time and place_

_You find yourself in an empty space._

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If Grace Mia Cooper told you that she almost died of shock, it would be an _understatement. _It had been an ordinary day, the usual crappy day at work. She had avoided the newspaper that morning the moment she saw her brother's face printed across it. He was just _unbearable._ No. He was _Chad Dylan Cooper. Too _many times her younger brother had let her down since his progression into Hollywood. It was no surprise that they hadn't been in contact for _two freaking years. _They were dysfunctional siblings, that had drifted apart with location, and careers. Sure, they lived in the same state…but Chad Dylan Cooper _never _once had driven down to see her, or called her for that matter.

And _ironically, _there he was, standing by her door. As she had expected, he had _nothing _to say, barely catching her eyes for the split second they exchanged awkward and _surprised _smiles. Chad was sure about one thing. His sister had changed. Her short brown hair framed her delicate face, baggy fashionable clothes hung from her petite figure. The only _recognisable _trait about her was her sapphire eyes, identical replicas of Chad's. Starring at his brother in complete and utter shock, she bit her lip in the silence. _What _was he doing here? What _was _he doing here? What was _he _doing here? What was he _doing _here? What was he doing _here? _

"…Chad?" She managed to mutter through tightened lips, and a swollen throat.

As hard as she tried to sound composed, it was clear she was overwhelmed by his presence. But she wasn't the only one getting emotional about the reunion. Chad Dylan Cooper had gotten used to the feeling of _tears _recently. However, this _really _was the one time where he simply _couldn't _show his emotions, because it was…well it was complicated. Attempting to dismiss the large lump in his throat, Chad sighed. The siblings met eyes properly for the first time in two years, and nothing could describe the tragic beauty of it. Slipping on a casual attitude, Chad forced his lips into a small smile.

"Hey Grace, how are you doing?" he asked softly in a tone so genuine that Grace had to blink several times to ensure she wasn't _dreaming _this up.

Averting her eyes nervously, Grace Cooper shrugged.

"Okay I guess, you?"

Chad chuckled a little at her words. How was he doing? Not so good. He had wished away the love of his life, and _now _he had no job…temporarily. Both of these problems were temporary, because one day _soon, _Chad was going to wake up in his bed, drive into the studio and see _Sonny Monroe's _face beaming at him on the billboard. Then he would bump into the beautiful woman on the corridor, and bring her lips to his, releasing the bottled up passion held in for so damn long. Bringing her eyes back to him, Grace studied the rough-looking, shabby brother of hers. He looked lifeless, and _drained _of energy. His sapphire eyes lacked that enthusiasm and vibrancy they once had.

"Have you watched the TV recently? Or…picked up a paper?" he asked her a little flatly.

Nothing needed to be said, it was obvious that his answer was _no I'm not okay. _Frowning a little, she met his eyes sympathetically with the sisterly love she couldn't _help _but radiate. Chad watched his older sister at the doorway, standing motionless. She said nothing, letting the silence embrace the pair. Years of no contact, no communication, and here there were. Face to face, eye to eye, _reunited. _Gazing over her shoulder into the familiar, cosy house, Chad felt the words slip off his tongue in a hopeful manner.

"So…are you gonna let me in?" The eagerness of being allowed into the house he had once spent a lifetime in came across through his anxious tone.

Confused, upset and relieved at the same time, Grace nodded slowly. It was obvious that she was still a little dazed by his presence. Moving out of the doorway, she smiled politely. Breathing deeply, Chad made his way enthusiastically into the house. The second his feet touched the cream carpet, his complexion began to glow. Part of him had instantly been restored. Not a single thing had changed. It was exactly the same, with the same memories embedded in the walls, the same secrets hidden behind cupboard doors. Staring at the room fondly, Chad felt a smile tug at his lips. Why had he neglected all of this for _so long_? More importantly, _why _had he never bothered to _talk _to his sister? It was another one of Chad Dylan Cooper's stupid mistakes. The list was beginning to get longer by each day.

He hated the way that each and every _flaw _in his life was his own fault. There was nobody else to _blame,_ nobody else to shame, but himself. Creeping up behind a pensive Chad, Grace was unable to keep her polite voice on any longer. Hands on hips in rage, she frowned in bewilderment at her _brother _standing beside her. It was just so _surreal. _So…_impossible. _Why did he decide to come and see her _now? _Was it because he was having a hard time and he wanted to _hide away _from it all? Or was it because he had _finally _gotten some idea of people skills? Or maybe it was neither. _Maybe, _he was just being Chad Dylan Cooper, who thought it was perfectly okay to just _show up _unexpected at the door.

"Why are you here Chad?" She curiously asked, demanding an answer.

Spinning himself round to face his sister, Chad confronted her with the same severity. He recognised the distance glazing her eyes. She was detaching herself from him, building the wall. And instead of _letting _her build the wall, he refused to let them slip further away with each passing second. Dangerously, he maintained their intense stare, full of confusion and misunderstanding. He knocked over the wall effortlessly, leaving his sister vulnerable and exposed. It was just Grace and Chad. Chad and Grace; brother and sister, _family. _

"I wanted to see you," she raised her eyebrows incredulously, gesturing she didn't believe him. Her brother was talking out his ass. If he had _wanted _to see her, then why hadn't he for _two fucking years?! _Picking up on the unwelcoming vibes, Chad continued quickly. He averted his eyes down to the ground cowardly, fumbling with his hands.

"It's been…too long."

Grace rolled her eyes, about _time _he realised it too. Shaking the atmosphere off, she gazed through the windows, noticing Chad's silver convertible parked on her driveway. Jumping her vision from Chad to the car, she looked at him strangely. The tension collapsed instantly, as her sisterly concern overwhelmed the pair.

"Did you…_drive _here?" She exclaimed, narrowing her eyes.

Glancing at his convertible to his sister, Chad shrugged casually, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He hid his relief that the awkward conversation was finally over. Thankfully, they'd both walked over that old bridge without throwing each other off, or throwing _themselves_ off for that matter. Chad Dylan Cooper surfaced for a moment with a grin.

"Well why _else_ would my car be there-" Before he could continue with a snide remark, his sister slapped his shoulder gently and interrupted.

"-Chad you moron! You could have just _flown _here-"

Rather apathetically, Chad's grin became a small smile.

"-I _wanted _to drive-"

Her persistent mother-voice took over once again, and she leant in to study the dark rims underneath his eyes. Cupping his face in her hands, eyes wide, she gazed in disapproval at the tiredness swathing his skin. Trying to resist against his older sister's _creepy _face-touching, Chad rolled his eyes. Before she could talk, he removed her hands and laughed a little at her concern.

"I'm _fine-"_

She shook her head slowly, making a huge fuss over her younger brother. All of a sudden, it was like they hadn't parted at all.

"You must be _exhausted._"

Snorting at her words he grinned smugly.

"Seriously, _who are you_?! My sister or my-"

Just when Chad was going to get a word in, a new voice screamed out from the room next-door.

"-_Mummy_!"

An adorable toddler made their way into the kitchen. Chad watched his sister haul the boy into her arms, a look he identified as affection and pride smoothed over her face. He gaped at the sight before him, _Mummy? _Well _that _was something he'd missed. Narrowing his eyes, he stared from the child to his sister. The tension flooded back, soaking into the walls. Why had he not been _informed _about having a nephew? Grace turned to Chad, with the young boy in her arms, offering a look that pleaded _empathy. _But Chad threw it aside, a little hurt. She _kept _this from him.

"You have a-a _son?_" Chad gasped in shock, his voice echoing through the kitchen.

The young boy gazed up at the man, and waved timidly. Chad's heart melted, _god _what a cute little thing. _No._ Attempting to keep his fury and anger locked inside, he glared back. His _nephew. _He was an _uncle. _and he didn't even _know. _He had every right to be furious. With another gaze at the young boy, Chad's glare melted away into a sensitive smile. He couldn't _resist_ to return an awkward wave. Grace frowned at the confused pair, trying to make heads and tails of each other. She could tell Chad was…_not _impressed that she'd hidden this, at all. Leaning towards her brother, Grace pointed slowly.

"Jamie, _that's _Uncle Chad." She said in a muffled voice.

Jamie. Chad took it all in, staring blankly at the child. His nephew's name was Jamie- _what a great name_. The young boy, now known as _Jamie, _looked back over at Chad before instantly burying his face in his mother's warm arms. Lowering the boy to the floor, Grace crouched brushing her fingers through the soft brown mop of hair affectionately.

"He's a bit shy, he watches you on TV all the time. I don't think he thought you were actually…_real._" She explained with a small hint of amusement in her eyes covering up the anxiety burning through her.

They watched in silence as the toddler slowly ambled out of the kitchen. Standing back up, Grace waited for hell to break lose. As predicted, Chad's expression instantly changed into a foreboding one. Raising his eyebrows, he blinked at his sister who was wearing a motherly smile. The moment she met his eyes, it spontaneously combust into a vacant expression.

"You _let_ him watch Mackenzie Falls?" He asked in a blunt tone dripping in surprise and _something else_ that they were both avoiding.

A couple of years ago, that wouldn't have been a problem. But over the years his show had _definitely _become more adult. It was _not _the kind of thing little toddlers could sit and enjoy before bedtime; it would give them _nightmares. _Noticing his look of repulsion, Grace chuckled lightly; her smile widened. Grabbing two mugs form the cupboard, she turned on the kettle casually. It was clear she was relieved he hadn't freaked out about Jamie- _yet. _She knew the eruption was coming. Their conversation was balancing feebly on the edge of a sharpened knife, it was going to be sliced open and bled dry sooner or later…_hopefully _later. At least for a few more seconds, they could both _pretend _they were on good terms…because pretending was what the Coopers were good at.

"_Only, _the first season."

Chad nodded thoughtfully. He thought back to the day his career had begun with a sad smile. The first season of Mackenzie Falls…he hadn't met Sonny back then. He was still Chad, a young ambitious teenager. Ironic how by the end of season one, he was completely different. He had become exactly what he had feared he would become if he embarked on the dream train. It was _almost _unavoidable, like he had been marked from the start. It was like fate gave him _no say _in how his life was going to turn out, it was _unfair. _It took the sound of a metal spoon hitting the kitchen floor to break him from the trance. Gripping the work surface with one hand, he leant a little closer to his sister, who threw the spoon into the sink with a distressed sigh. Another second passed, and the fire inside broke out.

It had begun.

Jamie was the catalyst. They were the chemicals, waiting to explosively react.

"So, _enlighten me,_" he bit his lip to repress the words from bursting off his tongue. There was a slight bitterness in his tone. "when were you going to tell me about _Jamie_?" He tried to sound casual, but it failed miserably when it surfaced into the tense air.

Pouring the hot water into the two coffee cups, Grace swallowed-hard, attempting to be nonchalant. She also failed. Both of them knew what was about to happen, and like cowards they _continued _to pretend they were oblivious to the new atmosphere igniting the air viciously. Lifting her eyes for a second to meet his severe look, she dejectedly passed him a coffee cup. After taking a quick sip of the coffee, Grace's expression equally matched her brother's.

"I wasn't."

Her trembling voice gave away how uncomfortable she was talking about it. Gaping at his sister in shock, Chad said nothing. He was too stunned, too _hurt_ to say anything. Instead, he allowed her to continue piercing through his icy heart. Eventually, she placed the coffee cup onto the table and with brave confidence, spoke her mind.

"I didn't think t-…that you'd _care._" She admitted, averting her vision to the ground.

The words almost caused him to spit the coffee in his mouth out across the kitchen. Was that how bad things had gotten? It was bad enough that she believed he didn't _care, _that he was….heartless? A lump grew in his throat, threatening his airways. Sonny Monroe wasn't the only person he'd _destroyed_. He pretended he hadn't noticed the way his sister was behaving since he walked through the door, but he couldn't help pick up on it now. She was broken, shaken and just as much of a wreck as he was. Grace had always been just as good at acting as he had been. Now, however, their talents were incapable of masking the truth. Stirring her words over for a second time, he found they dug a little deeper, they _stung_ a little harder. The worst part was, she had every _right _to believe he didn't care.

Of _course_ she thought that. Who _wouldn't? _He had neglected everybody close enough to him to hurt him, because simply, he _could. _Hollywood had taught him that friends could stab you in the back at any moment, lovers could become enemies and anybody close enough to see your soul would bring nothing but trouble, and a heck of a good story for the press. Bringing a hand to the bridge of his nose, he pressed his eyes shut. The way he had treated people all his life had been leading up to all of this. He should have guessed that one day it was all going to bounce back; _what _goes around comes around. Opening his eyes slowly, he choked on the dry air.

"_Oh? _You- didn't- think- I'd - care." He said lamely with deliberate slowness, pressing his lips tightly together.

Silence.

Awkwardly shuffling in her place, Grace flinched when he slammed the coffee cup abruptly onto the work surface. He didn't _mean _to startle her, or splash the contents of the cup across the work surface for that matter, yet the pain and confusion had morphed into ravenous rage. He was angry because the moment he had dwelled properly on her words, he _understood_. She was blaming him, accusing him. But not everything was his fault. If he was correct, Grace Mia Cooper hadn'tbothered to show _any _signs of sibling affection, she hadn't called him. She had never invited him over. She hadn't bothered either. The last time he checked, a family was a _two-way system_, he wasn't the _only _person responsible for what they had become. They were both responsible for this almighty chaos.

"Grace! I'm you _brother-_"

His raised voice was met by a second shout.

"-Well you're pretty _crap _at showing it!"

Chad bit back his response for a second, battling with himself. His conscience told him _not _to rise to the challenge. This was a time to make peace and resolve their issues. This was the perfect time to fix everything. He could calm down, take a deep breath, and talk this out like _adults. _He could _also _act like an immature child and pick a fight…which was _much _more appealing. Unfortunately, the adrenaline building inside him overpowered his conscience. Scoffing at her words, he narrowed his eyes, pointing accusingly at her. There was one thing Chad Dylan Cooper had a _real_ natural talent for, it was saying the _wrong thing, _at the _wrong time_, which had already been proven with the love of his life. Perhaps, if he had ever _learnt _to keep his mouth shut, he wouldn't be in this whole predicament, everything would be fine.

"_I'm _not the one with a _secret child_-"

Suddenly, Grace's eyes became hazardously dark.

"_Don't _bring him into this because you're too _proud _to admit to your mistakes." She yelled ferociously back, jabbing him in the shoulder intensely.

Laughing falsely, Chad shook his head. _His _mistakes? Oh, _that _was rich. Putting him in wrong _as usual, _because his sister could _never _do anything wrong. Oh no. Grace was _perfect, _she was faultless. Grace was _always right. _Grace was-

"_-_You think you're such a _saint _don't you?" he spat back with a dangerously mocking smile. "Grace the _little angel _who never fucks up anything."

The woman standing opposite him, shut the kitchen door quickly to ensure their vicious battle of words wasn't disrupting the boy in the other room. Not that shutting the door was going to contain their argument, they were already loud enough to be heard across the _street._

"I've not made _nearly _as many mistakes as _you _have so don't you _dare_ criticise me!" Grace shouted back, triggering a furious response.

Pouting his lips, Chad leant back against the work surface. He was sure if he gripped it any tighter he would rip it to shreds. He was unable to control the swell of anger pulsing through his veins. This was just _disastrous. _He should have known that coming here would create nothing but _more _undesirable troubles. Sometimes fixing something that was broken couldn't be done, sometimes you had to bury it, and _move on. _Confronting it could only make it worse. Blood boiling, he threw another explosive bomb in her face.

"Tell me Grace, I'm _intrigued, _was letting me back in today one of your mistakes?"

Bang. She dived the impact, hurling a grenade right back.

"Shut-up." She responded tensely, folding her arms across her chest.

Disobediently, he continued, eyes fierce. The artillery war continued ruthlessly, cushioned with anguish and misunderstandings.

"Oh _wait, _I've got _another one_. Was letting me into your kitchen to _talk _to you one of your mistakes?"

Machine gun.

"_Shut-up_." Grace repeated with the same intensity, fists clenched. After a moment of strained silence, she slaughtered it once more. "Why do you think _everything _has to be centred around _you-?" _

"-Was Jamie one of your _mistakes?_"

Nuclear missile.

That was the final straw. He'd hit an excruciating nerve, entered the _no-go zone_.

"Y-_you,_" she paused, shaking her head despairingly. "You know _nothing _about what happened to me, so don't make assumptions."

Unable to contain herself, Grace delivered a hard slap across his left cheek. Bringing a hand to his flushed face in horror, Chad gazed at his teary-eyed sister who had walked a little closer towards him. Both his cheek and eyes stinging, he attempted brush of his pain. Inches from his face, his sister gazed into his frosted sapphire eyes sternly. At that moment, Chad saw the exact same tragic love-hate emotion in Sonny's eyes when he wished her off the face of the earth. Did he do this _everyone _he loved? Why did he always have to push them away? Their pensive stare into each other's eyes lasted for what felt like eternity. Turning her back to her brother, Grace wiped her eyes.

"Just _get out._" She whispered in a hoarse, defeated voice.

Pause.

The aftermath of their annihilating artillery war spread through the kitchen, staining itself upon the walls, inside the crease and cracks of the walls, to echo on for years to come. Panic enveloped Chad. He was about to lose another person close to him. And he had _no idea _how to fix it, because Chad Dylan Cooper didn't fix things, other people fixed things _for_ him. How had they let their arguing get this bad? It was like the parking lot all over again. Only _this time _he'd said something incredibly stupid that wasn't going to wish anyone away, it was just going to leave a huge bruise. His anger shrivelled into vulnerability, the expression swathing his face mellow and sincere. Swallowing-hard, he avoided the lump in his throat, taking a step forwards hesitantly in the silence.

"Grace-"

"-_Get out _Chad." A shaky voice said on reflex.

It wasn't rocket science to establish she was crying. Bringing her hands to cup her mouth, she felt the wave of upset crash over, and the silent cries became audible sobs. There was one thing Chad hated more than people crying, it was being the _reason _for their tears. Advancing towards his sister, he placed a hand on her shoulder gently, surprised not to have it swatted away. The kitchen seemed to have some sort of strange irritable gas in the air, because all of a sudden, Chad's eyes were watering. Tightening his grip on her shoulder he spun her around and pulled her into an awkward embrace. Reluctantly, the dark-haired woman returned the hug, arms wrapped around his waist.

"I'm so sorry." he finally whispered softly.

Silence.

"_I'm sorry _I never came to see you-"

At his words, Grace looked up at her brother with a heartbreaking frown.

"-I'm sorry too. I-I never invited you." She admitted through a cry.

The atmosphere had relaxed a little. The bridge between them slowly repairing, the gap sealing. Sighing deeply, Chad gently brushed a hand through her short dark hair. Even though being the youngest, he felt an unimaginable amount of guilt hovering around him. He wasn't there for her. He wasn't here to ever look after her, or to help her…_protect _her. It wasn't hard to evaluate the truth of the situation. By the looks of things, she'd raised and looked after Jamie all by herself, whilst her brother was making millions in Hollywood…that sounded pretty lousy. Even more so, that made Chad Dylan Cooper sounded like a bigger prat than one would assume him to be.

"_I'm sorry _I was never here for you Grace." Chad managed to mutter through his aching throat.

It wasn't just a general statement, both of them knew what he was hinting at. He could feel his sister's body tense, revealing she was growing nervous about the subject.

"You could have _called _me, or…." he brought a hand to his tearful eyes, his voice became pleading. "or _something. _I would have come, I _really would _have-"

"-It's ok Chad-" she sniffled, releasing herself quickly.

Sensing her negative vibes, Chad fought back.

"-No." he sternly replied, bringing her back into his arms protectively. "_It's not." _

Gazing up into Chad's eyes, Grace smiled a little.

"_I love you _Chad."

Releasing her finally from his constricting grasp, Chad bought his trembling lips into a small smile, and replied with the most genuine affection he'd expressed for _years. _

"I love you too G."

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_How do I explain it when I don't know what so say?_

_What do I do now? So much has changed._

_Nothing I have ever known has made me feel this way_

_Nothing I have ever seen has made me want to stay…_

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Evening had come by swiftly, and Grace was panicking due to the lack of food she had in the kitchen. Watching his poor sister slave over what on earth she was going to cook for the three of them made Chad smile a little. It reminded him of their mum when they were younger. After Grace had frantically raided through her empty cupboards, she sighed dejectedly and grabbed her car keys from the top of the microwave. Chad detected that he was not the only part of her day that had been stressful. He could tell from her tired eyes, today really _hadn't _been a good day. Pulling the keys out her hand, he caught her eyes in amusement. Tilting her head in confusion, his sister reached for the keys, but he pushed her back.

"I am _not _going let you panic about _anything else _today." he said, grinning at her lousy attempts to get the keys.

With one final try at grabbing the keys, Grace pouted. Chad being taller than her put her at an obvious disadvantage.

Instead, she reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to his convertible.

"Letting me drive your hot convertible really _would _make my day." she said with a large smile, heading towards the front door.

Eyes wide in horror, Chad gaped. His sister was a more careless driver than _he _was. His car wouldn't be in one piece if he let her drive it. In fact, his car wouldn't be coming back at _all _if he let her drive it. Leaping towards the front door, Chad shook his head, snatching the keys off her like his life depended on it.

"Driving my car is a _big _no-no," he explained, watching his sister frown a little which tugged at his heart. "for today anyway." he added, mentally kicking himself for giving in to his brotherly instinct.

The pair of them could hear Jamie in the living room, complaining that he was hungry. Meeting Chad's eyes, Grace held out her hand demandingly.

"Give me my keys." She said.

Smirking at his sister, Chad shook his head with a hint of fondness in his eyes.

"I say we order _Pizza_." He replied, watching his sister's severe frown upturn into a wide grin/

It was clear there was a memory embedded beneath the words. The memory associated with pizza flooded back to the amused pair of adults. Chad wondered just _how _much she knew about what _exactly _he had done with the pizza. Subtly his eyes gazed over the corner of the room, a grin on his face. Yep. She _so _didn't know. Laughing whilst rolling her eyes, Grace retreated back into the living room, grabbing the phone. Chad followed like a lost sheep, kneeling down beside his nephew who was playing with a Thomas the tank engine train set. For some bizarre reason, Jamie had turned the blue train on it's side on the railway tracks, pushing the red one towards it. Gazing at his nephew with a soft smile, Chad raised his eyebrows.

"Don't tell me you're going to _run over _the coolest train ever." He said, in which the boy beside him giggled with a fierce nod.

Once the pizza had arrived, the three of them had eaten through endless conversation, and Chad hadn't felt his comfortable, this _happy_ for a long time. He felt at home, safe. Though deep inside, he _knew _that hiding away from the truth about Sonny Monroe wasn't going to make anything better at all. It hadn't taken long for Jamie to become incredibly sleepy and tired. As soon as Jamie was put to bed, after _demanding _a story, the two siblings sat beside each other on the sofa, just talking. Both Chad and Grace found that they had so many stories to tell and things to share that both of them were completely surprised when Chad noted out loud that it was eleven o'clock. Time really _had _flown by.

Chad had been the first to question her, interrogate her. He'd asked her about everything, _anything, _from where she worked to whether her favourite colour was still purple. What her favourite song was, why she still had that _ridiculous _painting on the wall. Why she had _no food _in her house, what she thought of the new season of Mackenzie Falls (in which she'd bit back with _I prefer So Random.) _Not much had changed. Whilst they attempted to seal all the gaps, two years of no contact was erased from the calendar. It was like it had never even happened. Bringing a cushion up to her chest, Grace glanced over at her brother and the pair _finally _came on to the awkward discussion of relationships.

"So," she began with a smile. "Anyone special?"

Fidgeting uncomfortably on the sofa, Chad mused over her words. Ruffling a hand through his blonde hair, he frowned. Yes, there was- but they didn't exist because he'd _wished _them away. Somehow, he figured saying that really would freak his sister out. Swallowing-hard, he met her eyes for a second.

"There was," There _still _was. "But she's…(Chad searched for the correct phrase) not here." Grace's eyes softened instantly assuming by 'not here' he meant _gone_. Reaching out for his hand, she took it gently, watching her brother stare endlessly at the ground. The more he talked about Sonny Monroe, the harder it was. He became a little more tongue-tied, a little more emotional, a little more _guilty - _a little more in love.

"I still love her," he blurted abruptly, startling them both a little. "She's the _only _one I've ever really loved, and she's the only one I'm _ever _going to love."

Wiping her eyes from his heartfelt confession, Grace smiled fondly at her younger brother. She'd watched him grow from young annoying little brother, to a misunderstood man who _tried _so hard to always act like _nothing _ever fazed him. And here he was now. The _real _Chad, the one kept behind bars. The real Chad that was scrutinised and unaccepted in Hollywood. Hollywood may have _appeared _to have changed her brother into a senseless idiot, but she knew the truth. It was all an act, something he felt _compelled _to do. Though she would never understand _why _he was so compelled to act like that, she tried to empathise with him.

Chad's eyes scanned the floor, meeting a DVD case on the ground. Narrowing his eyes in confusion, he quickly grabbed it, staring at the case like he'd just seen a ghost. The Chad Dylan Cooper story, a _Chad Dylan Cooper production_. He laughed lightly. He's _deliberately _annoyed the hell out of everyone whilst filming that movie, including Sonny Monroe. He'd hired in Selena Gomez to play Sonny Monroe which infuriated Sonny because she wanted to play herself. He had deliberately altered things and exaggerated everything about Sonny Monroe, like making her punch his co-star. He grinned as he remembered the repulsed look on her face whilst shrieking _hey I didn't punch her! _In the end, Sonny _did _end up playing herself. And the pair had admitted to liking each other, which only stirred those strange teenage anxious feelings and emotions that both were unsure to act on back then. After thinking about the movie for a few moments, his eyes widened.

His movie.

His movie was practically _centred _around himself and Sonny.

Leaping off the sofa frantically, he lunged towards the Television, turning it on with nervous hands. This _had _to work. It _had _to. He'd only ever made _one _movie about himself, and Sonny Monroe was all over it. If she was in this movie, then he could _prove _to everyone she _did _exist. He could gain some allies, get people on his side, to _help him, believe him. _Getting off the sofa, a look of concern printed on her face, Grace gazed down at her brother who slotted the DVD into the machine speedily, grabbing the remote. It had to work, it _had _to. All of a sudden, a stupidly high amount of hope was donated to nothing but a simple DVD.

"Chad _what_ are you _doing_?" His sister finally asked, not comfortable with the way he had become obsessed with watching the movie, for a reason she didn't understand. But she could see something lining his eyes, something big was hovering in the air. He was hiding something.

Chad skipped forward to chapter 3 where Sonny Monroe first entered in the cafeteria, in the fat suit as Marge. Hopefully waiting, he watched a younger version of himself waltz into the cafeteria, expecting to bump into who he thought was someone who worked here. However, as Chad's eyes were glued to the screen, he was horrified to watch himself simply walk towards the fro-yo machine, with no obstructions. Shaking his head in despair, he fast forwarded the DVD frenetically, a look of panic on his face. No, She _had _to be there, she _had _to. He hadn't filmed any movie like _this. _He paused at scene where he was talking with Portlyn, the scene where Sonny Monroe was supposed to interrupt them from behind. The scene went on uninterrupted. Musical Chairs- it wasn't there. Deceiving Sonny to join the Falls for a while- wasn't there. Weird beard- wasn't there. His birthday party- wasn't there. Santiago Horaldo and the dog houses- wasn't there. Their fake date, their fake kiss- wasn't there. That little brat Dakota and the Basement- wasn't there. Dancing with her at the secret prom- wasn't there. Lookout mountain- wasn't there-

"-Come _on." _Chad muttered in shock, realising he'd fast-forwarded all the way to the end of the DVD. Standing up in horror, he threw the remote to the ground angrily. "Why isn't she here?! _Where is she?" _

Turning the TV off quickly, Grace folded her arms across her chest, awaiting an explanation. Picking up the DVD case, Chad pointed to it in disgust.

"This DVD is _wrong!_" he glared at it like it was the devil.

Yet again, the world had _outsmarted _him, tricking everybody else with these fucking _lies. _Everything was a lie, even to the extent of a DVD. This was bad. Chad was panicking inside. He really had _no _proof that she was real, apart from his own mind, which nobody seemed to believe. Snatching the DVD off him, putting a finger to her mouth to gesture that Jamie was asleep, she placed it on the table, crinkling her eyebrows in confusion. She'd never seen her brother so…_worried _and edgy before.

"What is _wrong _with _you?_" she hissed, surprised by his strange behaviour.

Sighing, Chad finally let the bomb drop, unsure what the impact would be. He half expected her to give him the 'Sonny doesn't exist' lecture. But for some _stupid _reason he half expected her to believe him. Even after the fiasco with Tawnita Hart, he still had faith that _somebody _in this world, _someone _would believe him and support him. He knew it was hard to believe in something you couldn't see. It was like putting all your trust in thin air.

"Sonny Monroe." he said slowly, avoiding her eyes because he _knew _she was about to flip out. "Sonny Monroe apparently 'doesn't exist'."

Shaking her head in disbelief, his sister frowned, eyes narrowing.

"Oh no, _no. _This isn't what I _think_ it is, is it?" no response. "This is one of those moments were the press are actually telling the _truth-?"_

Interrupting her, Chad placed his hands securely on her shoulders, his eyes searched her imploringly, begging to be listened to, to be _believed. _

"Grace you _have _to hear me out." He pleaded.

Removing his hands from her shoulders, Grace smiled softly and shook her head with such denial it buried his hopes a little further into the ground. If his own _sister _wasn't prepared to hear him out, then nobody would. The more he thought about it, the less believable it sounded: _Sonny Monroe does exist but she's not here because I made a wish and it came true. _He dared not mention the wish part, knowing it was probably a one-way ticket to the nuthouse. Catching her brother's attention with a small cough, Grace stole his eyes.

"Chad you're exhausted. I _still _can't believe you drove _all the way _here." she gazed up at her younger brother lovingly. "You can take the spare room upstairs,"

Taking his car keys from his pocket, Chad shrugged. His sister didn't _believe _him. Tawni, who he hated to admit had been a pretty good friend before he made that stupid wish, didn't _believe _him. His manager didn't believe him, his director didn't believe him. Hell, Sonny Monroe's _mother _didn't believe him. It was hopeless. He really was looking for a lost cause. Searching for Sonny in this world was like searching for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or chasing impossible dreams. Sooner or later, reality was going to crush your aims, and throw you into the endless loophole of _real life. _Chad refused to let anything take away the last spec of hope he had left.

"I don't want to be any trouble-" he began casually, making his way to the front door.

"-_No."_

Taking the keys from him instantly, his sister's spontaneous actions shocked them both. Their eyes met sincerely and Grace looked at him in a way she hadn't done for a _long _time.

"Chad, I want you to stay."

Chad Dylan Cooper didn't question her words. Obediently, he took the spare room upstairs, tucking his suitcase underneath the bed. The room was cosy, and exactly how he'd remembered it to be. Grace's words echoed through his mind, _I want you to stay. _Nobody had ever said that to him before, and _meant _it. It didn't need to be said aloud: his sister really _had _missed him. Those two years apart had clearly done nothing but strengthened the bond between the siblings. Now he was back in San Francisco, he had to admit _he was home. _It where he had grown-up after all. This was where he had always belonged, where he always could be _Chad. _If there was anywhere in the world he could find himself again, it was here.

It took five minutes for dreams of distant sunlight he so dearly missed to mist over his drained body, and drag him into a profound sleep focusing on nothing but Sonny Monroe. He wanted to pretend that the only way to escape the paradise in his mind was true love's kiss. But realism told him that this slumber would end the second dawn broke, and Chad Dylan Cooper would have to face another day in darkness.

Tomorrow would be just another bland day, without Allison Monroe: 10th October, 1987 Wisconsin.

* * *

_She lives in a daydream_

_I don't belong._

_She is the sunlight._

_The sun is gone._

**O o O o O o O**

**Thanks for reading! If you haven't noticed yet, this story is more of an emotional journey than action or anything, it's quite deep.**

**Now, this is where the main plot begins (: and n****ext chapter my favourite character in the whole story comes in- YAY! :D**

**Feedback deeply appreciated**

**Izzy~**

**O o O o O o O**


	6. What's Up Doc?

**Hello all! After months without a functioning computer :( , I can gladly say that my computer is back :D! Luckily all my files were saved so I was able to continue with this chapter and write up all my paper drafts :)**

**I am so sorry for my long dissapearance and I can't thank you enough for your patience for this update! I know it's well overdue. I hope everyone is well, I look forward to catching up and updating more often. **

**I hope this chapter is worth the wait, I've worked really hard on this chapter, and one of my favourite characters to create appears which is very exciting :)**

**Enjoy the chapter,**

**Izzy **

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the **_L_**_ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2010

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND**

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**5. What's Up Doc? .5**

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When Chad Dylan Cooper stumbled out of bed that morning, a gruff groan sounded through grinded teeth, gesturing that his mood was _not _a good mood. In fact, further evidence (attacking his dressing gown from behind, hauling it over his shoulders imperatively) suggested that he was in a _foul _mood. The hive, spewing with efficient messengers, of these emotions were implanted inside his drained body. As he took a step towards the mirror, a swarm of eager malevolence invaded the surroundings. The swarm of negative energy had progressed into a flock of depression, compelled to devour every last fruitful smile, engulf every last bubble of happiness.

The flock of depression migrated through the household chaotically. And then Chad was being devoured by this bloody _pain _from the inside. The reason for the formation of the dark, carnivorous sinkhole inside him was evidently the ghostly presence of Allison Monroe, lurking in his dreams. She had diffused herself into every aspect of his imagination, she had wedged herself between the gaps in his mind. The ghost of Sonny Monroe had been braided seamlessly through the framework of his dreams, trapped in the foundations of a lost paradise set for construction many years ago. But that paradise had been one of those hopelessly convincing mirages upon the horizon in the arid desert. That paradise had collapsed into a world of tribulation the moment he said five words.

These words weren't the ones he'd wanted to say, '_I love you so much' _or '_I'm sorry I'm a jerk'_.

No.

They were harrowing words, laced in a blood-red intentions, that were so far from truth, aimed precisely into Sonny Monroe's heart.

_I wish you didn't exist._

The arrow hit her heart, and it pulverised fragile beauty without thought. Blood stopped pulsing through her veins. Then another arrow hit her lungs. Sonny stopped breathing. She was nothing. She was gone…_dead. _But technically she was never alive in the first place, because from the moment his wish was granted, Sonny Monroe never was. _They _never were. A horrible thought dawns on the teary eyed man who paused at the exit of his bedroom door. No matter how much the voice in his head attempted words of consolation, a swell inside finally burst.

It was his fault.

_He'd _shot the arrow. He had mercilessly played God not thinking of consequences. He had arrogantly taken _someone _from the earth, as if it were a common liberty for all. He had taken a _life. No. _It was worse than that. Chad had _obliterated _her. He had _destroyed _her- _destroyed - _with nothing but five words. In five words, he had _killed _someone, wiped them off the face of the earth. He was nothing but a lowly-

-Clutching to the door frame in despair, Chad wiped his eyes briskly. _You didn't know it was going to come true. _His self-pity tried to give him a little more self respect. It was unsuccessful. Thinking of himself at this moment of time was _selfish _and god-damn _greedy_. How could he be thinking of _himself _when he had _destroyed _a human being? If Chad had said he had _destroyed _Sonny Monroe a week ago, he would have indeed taken self-pity, telling himself to stop being so _melodramatic. _But, as he stood exposed in the doorway, overwhelmed in fucking guilt, he established the severity, the _truth. _He hadn't '_wished Sonny Monroe away' _like a storybook would say. Oh _no_. He'd committed a sin, a crime. He was a criminal on earth…and surely beyond earth too.

Chad Dylan Cooper had _destroyed _Sonny Monroe's soul- No. Destroyed wasn't the right word. Destroyed was too closely associated with an inanimate object, a _lifeless _thing. Sonny Monroe was a living, breathing human being. He hadn't destroyed her, he had done that thing where one human _destroyed _another ruthlessly. He had done the most inhumane thing possible:

He had _murdered_ her-

_No. _It wasn't his fault, he pleaded to himself in misery. But even his own conscience had grown to hate him. It _wasn't - _get real Chad Dylan Cooper. It fucking was. Oh it _was. _Now, she was nothing (which was all his fault). She wasn't a person- because she didn't exist (which was all his fault). She wasn't even a bloody _thought _that people could think- because she didn't exist. She wasn't even a microscopic unfertilised egg cell waiting to burst into life- because _she _was nothing. She was _nothing. _She'd never taken her first breath, because _nothing _couldn't breathe. Sonny had never said her first word, because nothing didn't _speak_. She'd never even taken her first few steps, because nothing couldn't walk. Nothing wasn't even a _something _at all- yet alone a somebody.

How could nothing be something?

…

How could it be _anything? _

Gazing towards the window with watery eyes, Chad frowned. Rather _ironically_, it was a beautiful day. The sun fluttered down in eloquent beams of light which danced through the thin air. And it _pained _him to think that others would wake up with a smile on their face, _a toothy grin _perhaps, overjoyed about this sunny weather. It _angered_ him knowing that people would wake up _happy- _because he was far from the avenue of Happy. Why should everyone else in this hell be able to _escape? _His whole body was glazed over in angst, drained of compassion for anybody else. Staring endlessly out the window, he clenched his fists.

A darkness welled up inside.

First he just craved for rain. For his own benefit, because it would drench him in the melancholy he so deserved. Then, he _craved _to see his misery imprinting itself upon the earth, swallowing up everyone else, consuming the world with his anguish. He craved people to be as _miserable_ as he was, oh _yes he did, _because it wasn't _fair. _He'd _destroyed _one of God's creations before- surely he could _smite…_surely he could summon a turmoil of pain to spread through the earth like an epidemic? He _craved _for sadness to reign. He _craved _for the sun to burn into oblivion. He craved for _sorrow. _He craved to see a heap of _nothing_ on the edge of his vision, pummelling forwards to _destroy. _No he didn't crave these things, he _needed _these things, he _longed _for it. He _had _to-

-The moment this dark craving began, it stopped abruptly. Turning away from the window frantically, Chad swallowed-hard, disgusted by his own thoughts. Casting his pain onto others was _inhuman. _How could he have even _thought _such vile, horrible things? Holding a hand to his head, Chad edged his way back into his bedroom and shut the door with a pensive slowness. Sighing deeply, he sat down upon the bed. How could he possibly try to bring back Sonny Monroe when he was starting to _destroy _himself? He had to keep an open mind. He had to cut out his heart, because it was hurting too much. Lying on the bed, Chad shut his eyes hesitantly.

He tried.

He _really honestly _tired to cut his heart out, but Paradise got there first.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_I found a tidal wave_

_Begging to tear down the dawn_

_Memories like bullets_

_They fired at me from a gun_

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Several hours passed before Chad decided it was time leave the room he had imprisoned himself in. Within those hours, the deteriorating man had sat motionless on the bedside, staring down the sunshine pouring through the window with a manic intensity. Behind the intensity emanating ferociously from his icy eyes, was a fragile soul unable to quite hold itself together beneath the heavy weight pummelling down. The weight got stronger each second, it got bigger. It was devouring his insides. And he couldn't quite place a finger on what it was.

At first, Chad assumed it was the juvenile Guilt returning, a poltergeist who had taunted him excessively since the very first day _she_- he was incapable of even thinking about it. It was the no-go zone. The very first day; the _nemesis _of everything he knew, and the genesis of a new, unfamiliar world. However, Guilt appeared to be more forgiving and merciful than expected, for there was no poltergeist here. He was alone, which had then led him towards the theory that a new emotion had surpassed Guilt. It hit him deep inside, beyond the flesh, the blood and the bones. It went deeper than spirit, deeper than his _mind. _It was everywhere, but it wasn't here at all. It couldn't be here, because he felt so _empty _that surely it couldn't be occupying the internal vacuum. But the more it crossed his mind, and his shrivelled heart, he came to believe it. Love-

-a dark love.

_Poison. _A sickly poison. One that at first was sweet, and promising. One that gave you sparkly eyes and wide grins. The one that gave you it's word, it's life. The one that devoted itself to you. The one that made you stutter like a fool and feel like a dumbfounded teenager with their first crush all over again. The one that made you fly. Counterfeit. Fraud. That wasn't _love. _That was Naivety dealing a low blow to creation. Or perhaps it was Irony, showing you things you could never _truly _have. Love was horrible. Love was unbearable. It was nothing it _should be_. It was stuffed with tricks and cunning games. It wasn't unforgiving and it definitely wasn't….well…it just wasn't _Love. _

And as he sat there, condemning Love for it's immoral ways, the door bell rang. Chad Dylan Cooper had always been a nosy, eavesdropping _nuisance_, ever since the age of three. The temptation of discovering things that could be kept for future bribery or blackmail was simply _unavoidable. _With slight poignancy, Chad remembered listening to private conversations between his mother and father on the top of the stairs when they thought he was snug in bed. Whenever either of them made slight movement, he would let adrenaline shove him behind the landing wall until they settled once more. Of course, he didn't really _understand _anything they were saying in hushed voices. But still, knowing more than _anybody else _about everything gave him that signature smugness that polished his right shoulder.

That smugness was currently missing, as was the sunshine in his life, _himself, _his one true l-

-Creeping out of the room, Chad perched on the top of the staircase, eyes wary and body cautious. He pretended to convince himself that sitting with elbows on knees on the stairs - eavesdropping -wasn't _at all _childish in any way _whatsoever;_ but it blatantly was. Part of him desired to stroll casually down the stairs and greet the visitor himself. However, his recent poor publicity and state of mind led to the conclusion that for the best intentions he would stay put. At that moment, he watched his unusually tense sister walk past the stairway. Oblivious to his presence, she moved out of eyesight, and Chad heard a river of chaotic sounds flooding the house for a split moment.

At first, to Chad's surprise, nothing was said, no greeting exchanged. Tensing, he wondered whether he should take the liberty to check that this visitor was actually welcome. However, he remained put as a strangely familiar voice rang through his ears. Male. It was a vaguely recognisable voice, one he was unable to place. This merely intrigued Chad further, causing him to slither down another step coyly. Grace's voice resonated out loudly.

"It's an absolute pleasure," Silence, her voice became a little frail. "I'm _so glad _you could come."

The calm passive voice resonated through the house once more, marinated in a strange consolation that appeared to be completely genuine.

"I understand it's been hard for you. Where is he?"

_He? _Chad hitched a breath nervously; was there something wrong with Jamie? Questions filled Chad's mind as he attempted to place a name onto the voice. Full of newfound curiosity, melancholy was pushed aside for a few moments, Chad walked down the stairs slowly. Instantly, Grace turned to Chad offering a weak smile. It was obvious that something was deeply bothering her. Perhaps Chad had imposed on her too much? It had been _years…and _although last night they had reunited, it was easily understandable for Grace to be confused and shocked by it all. The male figure standing adjacent to Chad's older sister smiled with an endearing sincerity.

"_Ah_! There he is." He exclaimed, taking a step forward towards Chad.

Glancing behind him quickly, Chad pulled a contorted expression gesturing deep perplexity. He expected to see the rosy-cheeked Jamie crawling towards them. But Jamie was no-where in sight. The words rang through his mind. Could this man- _no. _Don't be silly Chad, _don't be silly. _That's ridiculous. Stay calm - _stay calm. _Swallowing-hard, Chad felt his stomach do an unnatural flip. This man…_who _was he? It dawned on Chad that the man he was referring to _him_. _It's been hard for you…_the man's voice echoed through his head. A feeling of extreme anxiety tightened Chad's muscles, he felt uneasy- _unnerved. _With naïve eyes, he glanced over at his sister, praying for an explanation. Wiping her eyes, Grace rubbed her brother's shoulders tentatively before speaking. This merely worried Chad further.

"Chad," regaining composure, she took a sigh. "This is Doctor Pearson."

Eyes widening, Chad stared over at the man, a mist of terror enshrouding his vision. He couldn't _breathe. _He couldn't _think. _Shit, shit,_ shit…._Doctor?! Heart racing, Chad took a step backwards defensively, shaking his head frantically. Doctor Pearson _of course. _Suddenly, the ambiguous identity of the man shattered, and everything hit Chad in the face at once painfully. Pearson…he was that one who had featured in that article. Frozen in horror, Chad was unable to form words on his tongue. Surprise and Fear had taken him by the throat, choking him. Gazing over at his sister in anguish, he gritted his teeth. _How…._how could _she? _He _trusted _her, she had betrayed him- _deceived _him.

Deception.

The thing about deception is that you never quite distinguish it until the moment where a strange metallic taste builds inside your mouth and you realise you've been bloody _poisoned. _You could have easily checked all the ingredients of the recipe _but _you forget to check one thing; the _chef. _You didn't scrutinise the cook, the one who _stirred _your fate, churned the buttery roads ahead, moulded the figures you are destined to meet.

You didn't check because you _trusted them. _

You _trusted _the one who _carved _out the insides of your breaking heart like a pumpkin at Halloween for nothing more than amusement.

Trust.

The thing about trust is that you canbe _ridiculously _gullible and simply _dish it out _on a plate to anyone who displays even the smallest act of of the time, you do this without even thinking about the things they've ordered…a portion of your darkest secrets with a side of your true love's name; a mouth-watering embarrassing moment.

Since their first meeting, it is said that when trust and deception are placed in a room- adjacent to each other- it is instinctive for _both _of them to duel, in the prospect that the poor human's life would be steered by the hands of the winner. To put it _bluntly_, the winner decided if whether the centre of the conflict was to board the Titanic. And it _just so happened _that at this very moment, none other than Chad Dylan Cooper was smack in the middle of destiny's new prophecy; trust and deception were about to duel again.

An immeasurable amount of betrayal pinned down the vulnerable man. _Betrayal. _Trust itself had stupidly misled him into this inevitable trap cleverly manoeuvred by Deception. _Oh _and how it hurt to see the sight before him. A formidable inferno smouldered through Chad's eyes dangerously as he looked from Doctor Pearson to his sister.

"You only wanted me to stay so you could _trap me here_." He said quickly, continuing to move away from the pair. His eyes were locked on the Doctor - who now appeared to be too meticulous and analytical for his liking.

"Chad-"

Advancing towards Chad, Grace's lip trembled in sorrow. Reaching out she grabbed him by the arm, attempting to tug him forwards but he resisted angrily.

"I'm sorry I _had _to. This Sonny business has-"

A fume ignited in Chad's body. Last straw. None of this was a _figment _of his imagination. Sonny Monroe was _real. _She was as real as every person on the planet. And she had _gone. _

"-I-I _trusted _you…" Chad shrieked, voice jumping octaves which startled both Pearson and Grace.

The amount of hurt displayed in his eyes was enough to reduce his sister to silent tears. She shook her head violently, insisting to make him understand her.

"_No _Chad. I'm trying to _protect _you-"

Chad scoffed. _Protect him?! _Summoning a _Doctor _was _not _protecting him. It was going to bloody destroy him and the hope of ever finding Sonny Monroe again. That thought struck him hard in the chest, the arrow sliced his heart. Sonny. Was it _too late _to find her again? _They think I'm crazy. _No. Keep calm. _Stay _fucking calm- Sonny Monroe will come back. _SHE WILL. _She has to- but nobody believes. Nobody knows. No-one will _ever- _Chad's anger had instantly morphed in a frenzied panic. This was _too much. _Too much.

"-_Protect me?" _He stuttered, body shaking.

"Yes protect you." She cried dejectedly pretending she couldn't see the look of _pure _betrayal on her brother's face. It was instinct, she had always been protective over Chad- though she never let him on to it. For the years of no contact, Grace had watched every single episode of Mackenzie Falls, she had seen all the interviews, read all the magazines…_anything _to try and connect with her god-damn stupid brother. Now he was back, she couldn't _bear _losing him. The look in Chad's eyes suggested she already had, and she helplessly wished she could _express _her feelings into words.

Chad remained silent, frozen in frame. Grace took this opportunity to continue.

"We're _family _Chad, we have to pull through this-"

A spark was triggered automatically, Chad's outburst began.

"I-I can't believe this. You're _just_ like Dad. You think you have an answer for everything in the whole fucking world-!"

Grace's eyes narrowed darkly and her mood swung from guilt to _fury_. Before she had the chance to retort - it was evident in her livid expression she _was _being pushed to her limits- the spectator who had been quickly forgotten took a step forward into the battlefield bravely. He brandished the words upon his tongue, bringing a standstill to the family dispute.

"Can we talk for a few minutes Mr. Cooper?" The unusual hypnotic tone to his voice magically transformed the battlefield into the comfortable atmosphere it had been. It was at this moment that Chad realised there was no way to _reason _with him. Allowing himself to gain an acceptable level of composure to communicate, Chad nodded. His eyes shone with credulous vulnerability resembling the image of a lost, exposed child. Attempting to mask this foreign emotion (which he already wishe- _wanted _to disown), Chad straightened up mechanically.

"Fine," monotonous, expressionless. Watching the Doctor's eyes light up with satisfaction, Chad's tone shifted to wavering impatience. "_Whatever. _Make it quick."

The handsome man furnished a dosage of serenity for Grace to which she gratefully accepted. Tugging her lips upwards, hope burnishing behind watery eyes, she cast a glance at Chad before mouthing an inaudible thank you to the Doctor. With that, she made her way into the kitchen, leaving Chad and Pearson standing motionless in the foyer. Meeting his patient's eyes calmly, Pearson extended an arm towards the living room. Silently, Chad gazed from the room to the man clearly agitated. After no advance was made, Doctor Pearson averted his eyes.

"It will just be a few minutes Mr. Cooper." He cooed.

And then, Chad did something he _knew _he was going to regret.

He jumped into the fire.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_A story only time will tell _

_I'm trapped inside a wishing well _

_Living as a ghost in my own hell _

_I'm trapped inside a wishing well _

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

Chad Dylan Cooper sat fidgeting on the crimson sofa. There was no doubt about it; Chad was terrified,_ fucking terrified. _The symptoms for this overwhelming feeling began with the sudden swelling of his throat, and the violent convulsions of his body. A further in depth analysis of his behaviour would lead one to believe that his lungs had been compressed. This type of factual, and emotionless study was exactly what Chad expected the man in the grey Armani suit (who to his dismay _did _happen to wear it far better than even _he _could have) to conduct. He held a black briefcase in his hands, matching his black chunky glasses- DKNY Chad noted, though now was _no time _to be estimating this man's wealth and status. It was the time to _panic. _To _freak out. _This man was not here to talk to Chad, or to even be pleasant.

This man was here to _diagnose _him.

Taking a seat on the sofa opposite Chad, Doctor Pearson took a gold pen from his suit pocket to complement the notepad now placed on his lap. Chad wouldn't be surprised if the pen was _solid gold, _Doctor Pearson was a celebrity Doctor after all, the best of the best. If it had been any other circumstance, Chad would have felt privileged to be in his presence. Now, however, he couldn't have pictured a situation worse than this cruel reality. Heart hammering against his rib cage, Chad placed his hand on his twitching knee in hope it would stop and came to an agreement with himself.

The way to get out of this situation _alive _would be to ignore absolutely every single question thrown at him. Immature- yes, childish - perhaps. Reasonable -_yes. _But Chad was on dangerous ground, reaching turbulent waters. One wrong step and he was done for, one word out of place and he would be forever condemned to hell. This was serious. He _had _to get out of this - fast. Pressing his lips tightly together, Chad gazed around the living room stubbornly avoiding any eye contact. Chad was going to make it _impossible _for Pearson to get anything out of him. But Doctor Pearson was good. He already had conclusive evidence to believe Chad was going to be a pain in the backside. And despite this, with an admirable confidence, he spoke.

"So you believe a friend of yours Sonny Monroe to have gone missing?"

It had begun.

Chad Dylan Cooper not only had an exceptional talent in acting, he was incredibly specialised in the art of selective hearing. Deliberately, Chad sat with an oblivious blank expression, eyes dwelling over the surroundings of the room. It was different to how it had been since his last visit. The walls were a neutral cream colour as opposed to the hideous lime wallpaper with only _god knows what_ printed over it. Every time he had entered this room and sat on this very sofa (which at the time had clashed horribly with the lime), he was always trying to depict what exactly the image was. He had never gotten round to solving the mystery, and now it was gone he kind of missed it. His eyes trailed over to the wooden cabinet, in which fond memories sprung to life.

The _carbanara _cabinet. Amusement flashed for a moment in his eyes as he recalled the day. In an effort to surprise his sister on her birthday, Chad had decided to try and cook carbanara Pasta. Of course, this was a mission _destined_ to fail. As soon as he had entered the kitchen, disaster broke out. He had desperately tried to cook something before his sister got home. However, with just ten minutes to go, his plan had become more and more like a comic sketch from So Random. So Chad had shoved the carbanara at the back of cabinet. It was the most irrational thing he'd ever done and he never really knew _why _he had done it. He wondered if Grace had found it. He assumed she probably had, which led him to imagine the look of mortifying _disgust _on her face-

"-How long has Sonny Monroe been missing?" Doctor Pearson spoke, snapping Chad unwillingly out of his thoughts.

Damn. He had been _really _distracted for a moment. The second the man's words resonated across the room, Chad's chest tightened. The tension had risen, the small leak became a flash flood. Chad felt the strong current pulling him under…he was going to _drown. _No matter how he attempted to resist, this ocean was overpowering. A wave of tension crashed upon the distant shore, toppling over the sandcastle Chad called reality. Gazing over beseechingly to Doctor Pearson, Chad toiled against the waves, but one after the other they surged through the room. As he gazed into the soft hazel eyes, Chad was surprised to feel the waters settle slightly. There was something _convincing, _something different in the man's eyes. He seemed to genuinely _care. _And no matter how had he _tried _to keep his mouth shut, Chad's plan was obliterated.

"The eighth of September which is seventeen days ago." he fluently recited. How could he possibly _forget _the day she became nothing?

Pearson adjusted the black chunky glasses on his head and clasped his hands together thoughtfully. He leant forwards in curiosity, surprised to get a response so _precise_. His eyes studied Chad carefully as if he was a book that took several attempts to get your head around. The plot, in particular was the most gripping and baffling component. The flash flood faded into an echo on the horizon when Chad caught the man's eyes for the second time. They were so inviting, so _calm. _It was almost as if beyond the orbs was Eden itself- _stop. _Diverting his focus to the table, Chad clenched a palm tightly. He couldn't fall for '_I'm here to help you' _look. It was false. It was fake. It was a Doctor's job to diagnose and cure- nothing more. Trust was out of the equation…he had already been misled by it.

"The eighth of September," Pearson remarked, jotting the date down on his notepad.

Once again, Chad found he was persuaded to elaborate.

"At the TV and Movie awards. We had an argument (he winced at the painful memory, piercing him in shards)…I told her I wished she didn't exist and-" _Shit. _He cut himself off instantly. _Idiot. _

It was not _plausible, _not _possible _to say what he was about to confess because it sounded completely and utterly _crazy- _even to himself. Chat felt his stomach plummet to the depths of his feet and coil its way messily back up when he saw the _interest _in the man's eyes. Raising his eyebrows, the Doctor eased his grip on the pen.

"And?" he prompted in a way that could freely be declined.

Narrowing his eyes, Chad stared the man down, rather bewildered. There was no sense of intensity between the pair, Pearson wasn't pressing him for answers, he wasn't _forcing _him to speak. Yet in a way, his sincerity _was. _His eyes grew at tentative and tranquil, persuading Chad to speak despite the voice in his head yelling at him to stop before it was too late. Flickering his vision from Pearson to the table nervously, Chad exhaled in a suppressed laugh which was far from joyful.

"_Please," _he said holding up a hand. "Don't laugh."

Oh god- _no. _He couldn't. This was a trap set up. He wasn't going to _actually_ say it aloud…was he? Diligently, Chad ran a hand through his hair, apprehensive. He could not _believe _he was about to say I- to a freaking _Doctor _of all people. He had barely convinced himself. Was he _insane? _Chad dared not ask that question considering the irony.

"I won't." Pearson vowed, face serious and alert.

"I- (_don't _you dare say it you fool!)" Pause. Sigh. "I think my wish came true."

Silence. Endless silence, a silence so silent it became intensely loud, screeching in Chad's ears. A pin dropping would have been loud enough to make the pair jump out of their seats. Pulling an unreadable facial expression, Doctor Pearson nodded slowly, trying to comprehend what he had just said. The awkward silence had now expanded into something _horrific. _Fiddling with his hands feebly, Chad watched as the Doctor finally lifted the pen in his hand.

"Right."

Oh shit. Just the way it slipped off Pearson's tongue was ominous.

"Wish…came….true." he murmured to himself as he pressed pen to paper reluctantly.

Chad hadn't realised how _stupid _and insane that sounded until he heard it spoken aloud. Nobody was going to believe that his _wish _came true. That was something that only happened in movies and kid fairytales. The nauseating feeling of panic swept over Chad once more. He had blown it now. That was for sure. Pearson placed his pen into his pocket, holding out a hand to Chad warmly.

"Thank you Mr. Cooper, this has been (he searched for the appropriate word) _eye-opening _for me."

It was when he hesitantly shook Pearson's hand and saw the severe look on the Doctor's face that Chad Dylan Cooper knew.

This was the end of all hope- the beginning of the end.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_Don't tell me if I'm dying, _

_Cause I don't wanna know, _

_If I can't see the sun_

_Maybe I should go._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

Once Doctor Pearson had left, Chad wiped his clammy palms over his throbbing forehead. Every inch of his body was on overdrive, worry, stress, _fear. _This couldn't be happening. Would he be back for more? What if people thought he _was _making all this up- was he _really _insane? No. Bullshit. Chad Dylan Cooper was one hundred percent _certain _that this cold reality he was living in was some sort of dream. Nothing in this apocalyptic paradox made sense, nothing was firm enough to hold onto, nothing was _real. _Somehow there had to be a way to wake up…that's what always happened in the movies. Movies, drama. That was all Chad could _really_ relate to, and he had to admit, it was pathetic. All his life was a mere dramatic construction. The script written by a vindictive superior, most of the characters were abhorrent, distasteful…all but _one. _She was amazing, brilliant. She was beautiful, _wonderful. _She was everything he could have ever needed. To think that he had once held her in his arms and carelessly tossed her aside- it was the making of a tragedy.

A tragedy that had become the equivalent of Romeo and Juliet. Chad dreaded to think what happened next in this reckless, emotionless plot he was tossed into. Chad's thoughts were broken off by the sound of Jamie laughing in the kitchen. Smiling weakly, Chad stood up from the crimson sofa he had attached himself to and made his way towards his nephew. _His nephew- _the one he had neglected for years simply by refusing to try and keep in contact with his sister. Chad's stomach lurched forwards. Grace. The more he reconstructed earlier, the more he noticed how unreasonable he had been. Why did he _always _hurt the people he loved? Grace had always been the tough sibling. Chad always acted like he was…but _acting _had taken up so much of his life that the line between acting and being genuine had withered away. He no longer knew _what _he was or what he was _supposed _to be anymore.

Feeling sheepish and embarrassed, Chad gradually opened the kitchen door. His eyes met the sight of Jamie and Grace playing together, Grace picking her child up and dancing around with the boy. The maternal love was apparent. Chad couldn't help but soften at the sight. He'd often stopped and thought about how great it would be to be a father, though he'd never told anyone, not even Sonny. Sometimes, Chad tried to imagine what his future would hold, and more often than he wanted, the thought of Mrs. Allison Cooper and kids occurred. Detaching himself from these thoughts instantaneously, Chad met Grace's eyes. Refraining from playing with Jamie, she released him from her grasp. Within seconds he had obliviously wandered past Uncle Chad and into the living room without a care in the world.

Thrusting his hands into his pockets, Chad ambled closer to his sister, breaking through the awkward barrier between them. A look of pure resilience framed her face, implying it was going to take a lot more than kiss and make up this time round. Scratching the back of his head aimlessly, Chad captured Grace's eyes in a meaningful stare. After neither spoke, Chad broke the stalemate.

"G, I.." frowning, he sighed deeply unable to finish his sentence. It had been a traumatic day for both of them, he hadn't even _considered _how his behaviour was impacting his sister. It was incredibly selfish, he felt _awful. _Bowing her head, Grace held a hand to her temples exasperated.

"Let's just _forget_ about it Chad." She whispered.

Blinking in surprise, Chad gently lifted her chin with his hand. Their eyes met once more, and instantly a connection was made in which both of them clearly understood the other in a way only brother and sister were able to.

"It wasn't my business, I'm sorry-"

Rolling his eyes, Chad relaxed, grabbing her shoulders.

"-Don't be sorry G. We're _family _- you did the right thing." He stated, knowing that if he was in her shoes, he probably would have done a similar thing.

Frowning, Grace nodded, eyes watery. Oh _please _no, Chad _hated _that he was the one who _always _had to rip apart souls, tear apart relationships, he was a monster- a _monster. _

"Grace," he muttered but was interrupted.

"I'm worried about you Chad. I want you to be _happy _and-" she stuttered through a sore, aching throat.

"-Thanks Grace. You're the best sister in the _whole wide world_." He said, which instantly bought a smile to her face at the memory of those words from their childhood. Raising his eyebrows he awaited her reply. Instantly, there was a change in the atmosphere. _"Just the world?" _She used to ask him whenever she'd gotten him out of a sticky situation at school or home. Eyes brightening slightly, she replied.

"Just the world?"

Chad's lips tugged into a flashy smile, and he suppressed a shy laugh.

"I guess the whole universe t-" He stopped mid sentence when she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a fierce hug. Returning the hug, Chad shut his eyes for a moment, a swell of brotherly love taking over.

"Forgive me G?" he whispered.

"Forgiven." she muttered into his shoulder before the comforting embrace ceased.

Silence. Chad's smile became a grin, mirroring the same expression his sister wore with pride. He didn't realise _how much _he had actually _missed _Grace, how much he _needed _his sister. His sister was his best friend…he wondered how he'd been so stupid to throw her away. All it would have taken was five minutes on the phone before bed, a text, an email. It was so _easy- _and yet for years, a terrible stalemate had grown between them. Isolating himself from people appeared to be something he was remarkably skilled at, and _so many _deeply routed friendships had been destroyed through it.

"I know _all _about the carbanara by the way," Grace stated out of the blue, a smirk slipping over her face. Opening his mouth to reply, Chad found he simply couldn't. Instead he let out a silent laugh- so she _did _know. Curiosity overpowered his mind-

"-How did you find out?"

"You used to hide my cottage pie that you hated in there too. It was _so predictable_," She explained, and Chad felt his cheeks flush. She knew about _that _too it seemed. Silence. She prodded his chest disapprovingly. "and it's also _completely _revolting._"_

The pair of them broke into a laugh. For the first time since the sun left the sky, Chad felt _almost _happy for a split moment in the laughter died down, and Chad was cast back into the reality he couldn't escape.

"We'll get through this Chad." Grace said, reading his mind.

Swallowing-hard, Chad forced a false smile to his lips. And reluctantly, gazed into her eyes.

"Yeah, we will."

But he was lying. There was no way to get through this. There was no way out of this prison. He was trapped, and despite the assistance his sister tried to give, it was only darkening his sky further. It was then Chad Dylan Cooper solemnly averted his eyes from his sister. This journey was not one he could share. This journey was his.

He was in this world completely, and utterly alone.

* * *

_Cover my ears, cover my eyes_

_Don't tell me the bad news_

_I'll go for years, wondering why_

_Was there something I could do?_

_That's not right, that's not true_

_Tonight is a bad dream_

**Hope you enjoyed the update! Reviews are much appreciated (:**


	7. Fate's Crazy Chessboard

**I really hope you've enjoyed the ride so far, and now finally I bring you another update(: This chapter was really exciting to write cause I got to finally add a bit of that initial hysteria back into Chad which is great. I'm having so much fun diving into the depths of Chad's character in this story, and I really hope you're enjoying my development of him. **

**Anyway, enjoy the update!**

**I've been working extremely hard on it :D**

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the _**L**__ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2010

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND**

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

**6. Fate's Crazy Chessboard .6**

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_26__th__ September 2009_

_I've never really done this kind of thing before…__keeping a diary or even writing have never really appealed to me (yet alone reading…) so erm, I'm not too sure where to start and what the hell exactly I want to say. My thoughts are completely scrambled, my heart is breaking and I feel like What's Left Of Me is depleting slowly, deteriorating each day into mere fragments of my sinful soul. _

_This is Chad Dylan Cooper, and this is my story…it's terribly written, the plot is __**crazy, **__unpredictable and I don't even __**know **__how it's all going to end. I'm not too sure how it really began if I'm honest. Anyway, I figured if I document everything down inside this random notebook I found on the shelf in Grace's room, I can prove to everyone that THIS world is fake, and Sonny Monroe does really exist. If I record everything down here, everything about her, maybe somehow it will bring her back. I guess this will also keep me sane in this strange, awful world I've been thrown into. So, here it is. Here is my story. _

_On the 8__th__ September 2009, I made the biggest mistake of my life (although letting her go in the first place was a huge mistake)- I wished her away. I wished the only one I'd ever loved away. Now despite how immature and childish my words were, I wasn't actually __**wishing **__for what I said to come true. But I've learnt what goes around comes around…and when it comes around, well let's just say that it can defy even the complex laws Albert Einstein himself constructed._

_It's been nineteen long, dreary days in the absence of sunlight. The days are getting longer, and more painful to endure. Yet at the same time, everything is beginning to blur together. I keep telling myself I'm going to get the light back - I promised myself. But it's getting harder and harder to convince myself that I will be able to keep that promise to myself. I've broken promises before, I'm selfish. Maybe I'm selfish enough to break a promise to myself__-_

_-__But as the sun would always say: Nothing is Impossible. And I don't think I could carry on breathing if the world goes on like this because I love Sonny Monroe. _

_Yes, I – Chad Dylan Cooper – love Allison Monroe, 1987 10__th__ October Wisconsin. _

_Here are a few things about Sonny to start off the journal to __**prove **__her existence:_

_Preferred names: "Sonny" (pretends to dislike being called 'Sonshine' though she loves it really…well when I used to call her that anyway.) She seriously dislikes 'Ally' __, 'Alyce' or anything of the kind. _

_Eye Colour: The rawest form of brown. It's like nature itself with honesty and truth embedded within them. She's just…words can't even describe what she is to me, and what it's like without her._

_And…that's all I can really think of writing at the moment. _

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_The time is slow and I am sinking_

_Into a hole blackened with lies_

_And though I made it myself_

_You stand watching as my life passes me by_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

Chad Dylan Cooper found himself, to his own discomfort, juxtaposed with a dismal defeat. At first, the early recognition of this _dismal defeat _was the waxy, dreary expression imprinted across his pristine, and deemed by many, _godly_,face. Then came the sad, _sad _abolishment of the sparkle in his blue eyes, or as Sonny Monroe had always said, in _one _of his eyes- The vibrant hue had diminished into a dull, monotonous, _murky _gaze, resembling granite; resembling stone. At this stage, it was evident that the dismal defeat was beginning to take hold over the thawing Stone. Everywhere the stone had ventured in this new alien world, there had been signs of ignorance hung upon the doorways. Some doorways pleaded 'not interested', others showed interest but for the _wrong reasons_; mockery and augmentation of their pride. It seemed the further down the corridor he walked, the doorways became multitudes of useless resources which would never enable his search for the Sun to make _any _kind of progress.

Therefore, Chad had shut the doors despondently, each one with a prominent slam, for there were other ways to travel.

He took to the roads, the perfect companion for a lonesome traveler in a foreign land. However, it wasn't long until he found himself mistaken. The crossroads were ambiguous, the directions leading towards three undesirable options. One: Hell's Realm; in which it was evidently clear by its foreboding title what lay in its darkened shadows and simmering demonic persuasions. Hell's Realm offered an extended hand _almost _sympathetically, yet Chad Dylan Cooper knew better. Hell's Realm was a one-way network of endless one-way streets which orbited each other in a deceitful equilibrium. There was only _an entrance_ into the pit of flames, no exit required. No exit _existed…_just like Sonny Monroe never-

-The second option was Misery's Casino, where souls who had tired Luck's very elements with converting every last droplet of Hope into master weaponry to fight Fate gambled their souls. A soul drained of Hope barely had enough energy to illuminate a room in the presence of the setting sun. And as the sun slips further into the black abyss, the soul finds itself wavering in darkness. That's when the soul can see a luminosity_ shimmering_ over the horizon; the lights of Misery's Casino. It draws in the broken to stumble around roulette tables, to bargain their very being for _half _their true worth, giving Misery a substantial profit. Ironically, it's the _humanity _in the soul that drags it towards the horizon of flashing lights, because light is always associated with that ridiculously fragile emotion Hope and sometimes even more foolishly, _Peace._

Chad, for reasons Misery couldn't pinpoint, didn't follow the lights of its glamorous Casino. Perhaps it was because to him, there was _no light. _In the absence of Allison Monroe, the earth had been flung into an apocalyptic gloom, because that incredibly beautiful, funny, amazing, _perfect _brunette _was_ the light. She was _real, _honest and everything that was simply _impossible _to duplicate. Therefore, the artificial promises Misery smeared across the edges of the sky were exposed as nothing more than a scheming hallucination, which they were. _Counterfeit; _exactly what Hollywood had carved the Stone into.

The final turning at the crossroads was Hope's Labyrinth. The maze constructed of dreams - and god damn _wishes _of all fucking things - had an alluring atmosphere. Past the reeling dead-ends and disappointing wrong turns, Hope's Labyrinth offered something the others didn't; a chance. There was a chance to battle through the stadium of your greatest fears, swim through the perilous ocean of tears, blunder into the part where you dreams shatter into millions of pieces in front of your eyes and _yet- _arrive at Hope's gateway itself. Past the Labyrinth cleverly devised to be impossible for mortals, stood Hope. And it would take your hand and gaze upon you with the all the inspiring essences that made it so.

But Chad couldn't face the Labyrinth. Undertaking reams of challenges and riddles to unlock Hope would be a waste of his time, because when it came to the moment where Hope would look him in the eye, he wouldn't know what to say. Of course, a few words came to mind, but they certainly weren't what Hope wanted to hear. Hope had already proved a coward, a deserter to the C-D-C Battalion fighting against an unknown enemy on a battleground far from anywhere _remotely_ familiar. It was clear that even the most enchanting of emotions, the one he had tried to latch onto _desperately, _was incapable of giving him what its name promised.

Hope, was merely _Hopelessness_ in a disguise conjured by its distant relative Deception.

So Chad got out the car, and turned away from the crossroads, because _after all, _there were other ways to travel.

But one thing was undeniable; the pathway to Allison Monroe became more obscured with every step he took. Each step forwards appeared to be a step backwards. A jump towards the light became a slip into the darkness. Nothing became everything, and everything became nothing.

The one to blame _of course _was himself, but he was incapable of believing he had the _power _to wish her away. Fate had been a part of it too _the bastard_, because Fate _loathed _Chad Dylan Cooper in ways he no longer could comprehend. It loved screwing with him- for his whole life it had been messing _everything _important to him up. It just _had to _hate him because he saw no other incentive other then the teasing 'I told you so' to explain the events.

To Fate, he guessed he was one of the insignificant pawns on the chessboard; the _guinea pig _of its tactics. At first, he staggered forwards into the new territory, _arrogant _and stupid enough to believe that it wasn't _really_ happening at all. Although, a few things _had _confused him as he was pushed forward by Time. It was as if something was _missing. _Seven pawns, _hang on, _weren't there supposed to be _eight- _A brutal collision of _realisation. _He'd been knocked down by the Bishop in an initial shockwave; it was a tough blow, one that at first wasn't acknowledged. Despite being displaced, Fate had found a way to put Chad Dylan Cooper back on the board. Unable to adjust to the atmosphere, he was tackled instantly by the Rook cunningly. Just when he thought he could _breathe _in order to _try _and process what the hell was happening, Fate prodded him tauntingly, and he fell onto the battlefield once more.

And then, out of the mist appeared the _knight._

What baffled Chad Dylan Cooper the most was the knight's humble and _almost _friendly gestures.

Sure, the knight may have had its sword drawn warily, the tip of the blade gently pressed against the victim's throat.

But one thing continued to _astonish him,_ and it_ truly_ did astonish him.

The knight hadn't thrown him off the board yet.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_I was only looking for a shortcut home  
But it's complicated  
So complicated  
Somewhere in this city is a road I know  
Where we could make it  
But maybe there's no making it now _

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

For the past hour, the blonde man had been vacantly standing by the window of his temporary bedroom, his _temporary home._ He stood there, gazing at the clouds in the sky, childishly exploring what each cloud was depicting by its shape. _Sometimes, _as he recalled fondly with a smile, when it was a cloudy day, Sonny Monroe and Chad would lie down on the grass together, hands entangled. They'd sit there in the silence, the most _comfortable _of silences ever known. It was where words weren't necessary because the tranquillity created was too beautiful to interrupt. It was one of those brilliant, rare moments where everything was perfect, _peaceful. _Every now and then they'd utter a few muffled words, but it would only ever be a few words on a cloudy day. Even after the pair had split and gone in different directions, Chad Dylan Cooper continued to routinely steal a few minutes and occasionally _hours _in silence on a cloudy day. But it never felt serene in the absence of a fallen Sunbeam.

Today, on the 26th September 2009, the clouds offered nothing inspiring to Chad Dylan Cooper. There were no shapes in the sky. It was as if the clouds no longer desired to be more than matter that floated over the big blue planet, they seemed to have lost their _spark, _their energy. Perhaps they missed the Sun too. Brushing a hand down his ragged face, now dotted with stubble, Chad clasped his eyes shut. The pain and heartbreak simmering inside was becoming so familiar and constant now. It was an extra weight he carried on his tired, aching shoulders. His silent moment of mourning was interrupted by a loud buzzing sound. Startled by the sound, Chad opened his eyes slowly, picking up his phone on the side of the table, lying on top of the coffee-stained notebook he'd recently began to document in.

Chad Dylan Cooper was hardly expecting the twinkling embers of Hollywood in the dark canvas of his incomplete life to contact him so quickly. But then, all sense of time had vanished from his mind during this nightmare, everything seemed to last _forever…_well, _almost _everything-

-Holding the phone up to his ear with a trembling hand, Chad swallowed-hard, unsure if he really was ready to answer this call. He appeared to have lost half of his social etiquette along the way to San Francisco, though he hardly had _room _for this when Sonny Monroe was the centre focus in his brain. Human communication on this newfound planet was getting harder and more awkward with every passing second, and the desire to be isolated, lost in his own woes was _deeply _concerning for not only himself.

"-Hello?" An alien voice said in sync with Chad's dry lips, it was impossible to believe that _this _was the voice of Chad Dylan Cooper.

"Hey there Chad, _buddy," _a voice dripping with satirising enthusiasm sounded, and Chad didn't _need _to ask who it was because he already knew it was his asshole agent Tom. "How are you feeling?"

Silence. Chad was open to the idea that things in this strange sub-dimension weren't what he was used to, for example the bloody _sun _had slipped off the map of the universe, but Tom actually showing a degree of _care…_it didn't take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out this was an act.

"Just _skip_ the bull-crap, I know you don't care." Chad groggily replied, ruffling a hand through his dishevelled hair whilst picking up the coffee-stained notebook in his free hand. He traced his fingers delicately over the cover, thoughts of Sonny Monroe drifting into his mind.

The voice on the other line laughed in a rather amused manner before continuing.

"Well now that's been established-" Placing the book back on the bedside table in annoyance, Chad pressed his hand to the bridge of his nose. He didn't have _time _to talk to this jerk; although he was his only ticket back to Hollywood, Chad didn't care. He didn't care because Sonny was all that mattered…all that had _ever _mattered.

"-What do you want?"

The trademark bluntness of his manager seeped back into action almost instantly, as Chad had expected.

"It's been two weeks since your suspension was issued and – _well…" _pause, Chad held the phone closer to his face, overhearing a voice in the background speaking what sounded like Mackenzie's lines for the new season. "You're right; your double can't act for _shit." _

If Chad wasn't consumed in this taunting paradox, he would have grinned widely and asked when they were going to admit that he really _was _the best actor of their generation as opposed to that _thing _Sonny Monroe had been dating-

"So Mike wants me back?" Chad asked with a slight eagerness he couldn't help but let lose. Mackenzie falls was one of the most valuable things in his life he had. The cast, the people on set, the crew, they were all precious to him, although he had a _crazy _way of showing it. In a strange way, they were like his second family. Moving away from them to his _real _family was discomforting. And despite having broken the ice with his sister, he couldn't help wishing to rest his feet on the most familiar ground he knew in this nightmare.

"Answer me this Chad," Tom said, with _that _tone implying something bad was about to occur. "What exactly _is _Sonny Monroe?"

Narrowing his eyes, Chad sighed. _What is, _didn't Tom mean _who is? _Sonny Monroe…well where to begin. He wasn't really sure _how_ to begin, and of _all _the people to talk about the love of his life to, it was hardly going to be to his manager. Biting his lip, Chad smoothed a palm over his chin thoughtfully. He knew _exactly _what it would take to get back on Mackenzie Falls, but he would _never _abandon her again, not when she didn't even _exist _according to everyone else. Remaining silent for a minute or so, Chad cleared his throat, unable to answer his question.

"…yeah I thought so," the irritated Tom said clearly disappointed at the response. "The day you tell me she's _all in your head, _the day you return to Mackenzie Falls-"

"-She's _not _in my head Tom." Chad interjected, feeling that instant rage smother his veins.

An audible sigh came from the other side of the phone, and Chad could almost see Tom holding a hand to his temple in distress.

"Look you know what, maybe it's my fault. Maybe I put you under too much stress the past few weeks." Surprised at the man's words, Chad's eyebrows raised for a moment. That statement was _inevitably _true but not in the way Tom envisaged it. Chad Dylan Cooper _knew _he really _shouldn't _try and convince Tom she was real; he knew it really wasn't a plausible idea. But just like that day in So Random with Tawni Hart, an overwhelming feeling of god-damn hope gave him the delusion that _maybe, _just _maybe _someone would _believe him. _

"Tom," Chad began slowly, voice full of regained hope. His next words were spoken fast and almost blurred into one. "You _have _to believe me, Sonny Monroe is _real. _One hundred percentreal-"

He was cut mid-sentence by the apathetic person on the other line.

"-Kid." Shutting his eyes, Chad attempted to swallow the lump in his throat. "Don't _try _and talk to me. I'm not you _friend._ I'm just your link back to Hollywood."

As his manager hung up the phone, Chad listened to the dull fuzzy drone echoing on his phone. And it was at his point he realised something. He had no friends. Not even Sonny Monroe, when she _did _exist, truly liked him, because he was a jerk, a one-man show. Usually, his one-man stunt would go nicely, according to plan. Right now however, he couldn't help but feel like a clown on show to the world. Everyone was laughing at him, not because he was funny, because he _wasn't _funny at all; every one was laughing because Chad Dylan Cooper was the biggest, blundering anomaly in the whole universe, and his tragic story was highly ironic in their eyes.

He didn't care about how the world saw him; he only cared about how Sonny saw him. And he was sure, if she still _did _exist, she would probably be laughing alongside the rest of the world too. Not because she found it particularly funny, but because he fucking _deserved _it for all the wrongs he had done in his train wreck of a life. Putting the phone down on the side of the table, Chad's eyes lit up with a dangerous amount of self-loathing. He jumped off the stage, staring back at his ridiculous self. Then, once he wiped his watery eyes, he gazed out the window.

And then, he joined the world.

He laughed.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_Judging by the look on the organ-grinder,  
He'll judge me by the fact that my face don't fit.  
It's touching that the monkey sits on my shoulder.  
He's waiting for the day when he gets me,  
But I don't need no alibi - I'm a puppet on a string.  
I just need this stage to be seen._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

Grace Mia Cooper had left the house at the crack of dawn. She hadn't woken her brother, deciding that those dark rims under his eyes needed healing and the only way for that was rest. She had dropped Jamie off for the day at nursery on the way to her mechanical job in the office, taking calls associated with customer service and satisfaction, but that _also _meant a large helping of grumpy customers whose only purpose in life she was _sure _was to complain, complain and _complain, _to pick faults in everything. The smile on her face seeped politely into her voice as she put down the phone. Sighing immediately, Grace pressed a hand against her forehead. The past few days had been _a whirlwind _of events. Her _brother _of all people showed up at her door, the brother who was _apparently _hallucinating due to intense stress at work. Fortunately, nobody at work had ever made the connection between the surnames. There were plenty of Cooper's in the world. A couple did make shrewd remarks about how _amazing _it would be if she really _was _related to Chad Dylan Cooper, because the female staff were _in love with him. _

Every day, for four years in this god-damn office environment she worked in, she walked past Debra's Mackenzie Falls calendar pinned up on the wall, Susie's _shameful _mug with Chad's face plastered over it. It truly sickened her. Sometimes it got too much. On occasions she'd hear Chad's name all over the radio on the way to work, on the Television screens of electronic stores. And then when she _thought _she'd escaped him for day, she'd be reeled into one of those ridiculous gossip conversations about Chad Dylan Cooper. All of the questions raised, she could _easily _answer of course. But she didn't. Most of the time, she would find herself having to sit in the ladies bathroom, wiping her watery eyes. It was then she'd wonder _why _he had forgotten about his family…if he was ever coming back.

Grace found a solution to this daily problem; she pretended that Chad Dylan Cooper was nothing more than some famous guy in Hollywood on a TV show. After all, she didn't want to _constantly _be reminded of the fact that he was her only sibling. If you pretend enough, Grace discovered it _almost _became truth, fact. Pretending Chad Dylan Cooper was not in her life became easier every day. He was just another pretty face on a billboard, a star of Hollywood. But suddenly when he's standing right in front of you, with sad _lost _eyes, it's hard to carry on pretending he doesn't mean anything to you, and he's a complete stranger. Words couldn't even describe the _shock _that pulsed through her when she had opened that door. It had been years since they'd seen each other, and when they had, it had been a quick meet and greet; nothing special. Now, out of the blue, Chad Dylan Cooper had decided to visit her? Or was she an insurance policy, a _temporary home _while he continued to stumble onwards in his non-stop hectic life? Whatever his motive was, she didn't mind. Grace was just _so happy _to have her brother back home again-

-Picking up the ringing phone, Grace put on her '_everything is wonderful' _attitude, answering.

"Hello, customer service, how may I help you?"

"Yeah….um, are you on a _crazy _diet or something cause there's _nothing _in this fridge." The voice on the other line said, rather monotonously. It was clear he was trying to be funny in order to hide the pain inside of him.

Rolling her eyes, she pressed a hand to her forehead about to reply. However, having noticed that her manager was watching her body language, she instantly sat up, beaming falsely.

"I'm sorry to hear that Sir, have a _good day_-" she was instantly cut off by her brother.

"-Wait _Sir's _not finished." Glancing around cautiously to check that no-one was listening in, she let her shoulders slump, falling into normality.

"_Chad _I'm trying to do my job here." Pause. "Hold on, how did you know I worked here anyway?" Grace asked curiously, becoming suddenly skeptic.

"Your pay-slip was on the kitchen counter." He replied, the sound of a fridge opening sounded on from Grace's house. "Where's Jamie?"

"Chad, are you even dressed?" She pried in a motherly way.

She could have _easily _asked him 'why are you calling', but Grace knew Chad too well. She knew that this casual,_ pointless _conversation was his way of saying 'Grace, I'm really not okay, but I don't want to talk about it, I just want to pretend that everything is normal'. Chad was always like that, he was completely _rubbish _at concealing his emotions. But there were moments when his fake emotions just _needed _to have some conviction to make him feel better that Grace simply was unable to refuse playing along. Even when he was a little kid, he'd been the same. When his cat died, he felt it was more appropriate to talk about what was for dinner as opposed to how upset he _really_ was that his cat had died. Obviously, this was a whole new level of upset; Grace had _never _seen her brother this way before, it was _serious. _

"Of course I am," he replied, pretending to take offence. "Although I'm _sure _it's the apocalypse, I'm not going to suddenly become a beer-bellied _slob._"

His attempts at his well-known witty, sarcastic humour were becoming less and less effective; the _true _emotions he felt were slowly surfacing. It began with the hitch in his voice; it seemed to waver with instability. Frowning, Grace forced a laugh to make her brother believe she wasn't catching on to his game. He knew she already knew he was calling to pretend that everything was normal. He _always _did this, ever since he was a kid. It was his bizarre way of hiding emotions-

-An abrupt sound of something smashing and incoherent swearing sounded on the other line.

"What was _that?_!" Grace hissed automatically down the phone, _praying _it wasn't the china dish full of pasta on the shelf, because that was _Mum's _dish, and _boy _would she be in trouble if that-

"Um…_nothing."_ The voice on the other side of the line answered back nervously, continuing to mutter under their breath.

"_Chadders, _answer the question." She could imagine the grimace on his face at her childhood nickname for him, oh how he had _hated _her calling him that more than _anything,_ more than telling everyone that _Chadwick _was his name when _in fact_ it wasn't. It was _just Chad; _Chad.

"_Don't _call me Chadders!" The voice on the other side of the phone screeched in annoyance. Pause. "And it was um…Mum's-pasta-dish."

_Shoot. _No, no, no. _Why _did he have to go for the freaking pasta dish? This was going to be the ultimate trigger for world war three. Mum had given Grace that pasta _and _her treasured dish only the other day when Grace had stopped by on the way home from the office. Mum was going to _freak, _and she didn't even _know _Chad was here, Grace hadn't even _told _her- which was probably a good thing…for _everyone. _Chad's voice sounded through the phone.

"Don't worry about it G, _I'll _clean it up."

The thought of Chad Dylan Cooper _cleaning _up the mess horrified her even _more_ than the thought of him breaking the _holy grail_ of their mother's cooking dishes. She continued in a voice gesturing she was aggravated about this.

"Just to make you _aware, _I am going to_oooo_…" Grace's voice trailed off as she watched her manager enter her office through the door. "_to _alert my manager about this problem right away Sir."

From the other side of the line, Chad replied, realizing she must have been caught in the act or about to.

"Erm, see you later then." He replied vacantly, hanging up instantly.

"Thank you for time." Grace said politely in a robotic way, smiling she let out a laugh at the phone that was actually now hung up. "No problem at all, thank you very much, you _too." _Unsure how long she could keep this up for, she forced a smile once more. "Bye, _bye- _yep thank you, bye." Putting the phone down, she eased into her comfy chair. A hand tapped her shoulder gently; she gazed up to see her manager standing behind her, nodding in approval. His next words were incredibly ironic and it took _a lot _of strength of avoid letting a grin slip over her lips.

"Sounds like you dealt with another tricky customer perfectly. Keep up the good work Grace."

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_I can't tell you what it really is  
I can only tell you what it feels like  
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

It must have taken at least half an hour to clear up that elaborately decorated pasta dish (He had _always _hated that pasta dish and was secretly – well not even _secretly- _overjoyed to have obliterated it.) sprayed all over the floor along with its contents, _carbonara pasta _of all things; it seemed that there _had _to be some kind of incident whenever carbonara and Chad Dylan Cooper were placed together in this house. Like promised, Chad had cleaned it all up off the kitchen floor, going into great efforts to ensure the floor was no longer slippery. He would hate to be the reason little Jamie fell over and hurt himself.

Dusting his clothes off, Chad gazed proudly at the kitchen. _Damn. _He'd done a good job. If only Sonny Monroe could see that he actually _could _do some cleaning. He could imagine the look of pure shock on her face; a smile tugged his lips upwards fondly. He should have suspected that Fate wouldn't allow him to _smile _properly in this world for longer than a millisecond. Therefore, Fate shook the chessboard malevolently. The intensity of the quake pushed Chad, the defenceless pawn, closer towards the Knight.

Chad Dylan Cooper assumed that there must have been some kind of crazy _mistake, _or that he really _was _hallucinating, because he was hoping he'd _never _have to see the person at the door again. He should have known better than to _assume. _The same DKNY glasses framed the man's healthy, matured face. Though this time he was wearing a stylish brown suit accompanied by a sapphire tie; the familiar golden pen was in his pocket. Swallowing-hard, Chad clung to the door tightly, almost in terror. It was _too soon. _Why was this man here _again? _It had only been a few days since their last 'talk'. Meeting the man's eyes reluctantly, Chad ignored the outstretched hand rudely. Withdrawing his hand, Doctor Pearson adjusted the glasses on his head with that eccentric calmness that never ceased to falter, brushing his glossy brown hair from his forehead.

"Hello Mr. Cooper." He finally said.

That was _it. _Detecting the endless hypnotic peace in his voice, Chad grew deeply annoyed. Rolling his eyes, he clutched the door handle tightly.

"Once was _enough." _He grumbled slamming the door, only there was on problem, he didn't _hear _a slam. In fact, the door didn't even close. To his surprise, the Doctor had wedged his briefcase between the door smartly, apparently unaffected by Chad's display of insolence.

"Please let me in, I only want a few minutes of your time."

And _just _like the time before, Chad Dylan Cooper found the offer too _genuine_ to refuse. Despite the alarm bells ringing in his mind, he allowed Pearson to enter the house. After all, Chad was only a pawn on Fate's chessboard, Pearson was a knight. In silence, the pair entered the living room, not speaking a word to each other. This time round, Chad decided to sit on the other sofa, hoping he'd be able to find _better _things to distract him from saying stupid things at this angle. Taking the golden pen from his jacket, Pearson cleared his throat in the silence, waiting a few moments for his patient to relax before continuing. It was evident from Chad's posture that he seemed far from calm, and he would _never _be relaxed. Therefore, Pearson started with a _simple _question, so simple that it was so _tempting _to answer.

"How long have you known Sonny?"

Not bothering to procrastinate, it was easier to just _get this over with _as quick as possible, Chad replied, a smile dusting over his lips. He let his memories of Sonny Monroe take him back to the very first day they met. She was wearing a fat-suit, and looked like a waitress. _Funny, _funny little Sonny.

"Seven years. At first we didn't like each other." Before he could stop himself, words continued to spill out his mouth at a rapid rate. "But it didn't take _long _for me to fall madly in love with her." That was undeniably true. Meeting after meeting, a fragment of initial loathing was sieved away, until all that _was _left was love. "Two years into knowing her, we began to date. We dated for three years and then (a sadness rimed his eyes remembering the day he spoke harsh words) we broke up-"

At the signal of a raised palm from Pearson, Chad's mouth closed automatically, as if he had some kind of respect for the man.

"You…_dated_ her?" Pearson asked in that very same tone he'd used when Chad told him that his wish came true. Biting his lip, Chad averted his eyes feebly, unsure what exactly to say. He understood how from Pearson's perspective this sounded- -wait. Since when had he started to _consider _how everyone else was viewing him? Deeply confused, Chad pinched the bridge of his nose hard, and uttered one word, wishing the man would just _leave._

"Yes."

Sitting up in his chair immediately, Pearson put the golden pen back into his pocket, having taken no notes whatsoever. He appeared to be intrigued by Chad's words. Chad watched Pearson clasp his hands together thoughtfully, as if he were trying to correctly word something. That was when Chad had the feeling that letting the man in was a bad idea.

"Mr. Cooper," Pearson began slowly, gazing up at the ceiling for a moment. "I'm _not _sure how to tell you this-"

At these words, Chad fell back onto his safety net, his _normal_ way of rejecting intense severity by pretending there was _nothing _wrong at all. Leaning back on the sofa with a fake sense of casualness, Chad interrupted.

"-Just tell me Doc, I can handle it." But his sweaty palms and racing heart gestured otherwise. Attempting to plough on, Chad leant forwards. He began to outpour the number of theories for him being here that he had been stirring over for the past few weeks. There was no denying that Sonny Monroe was _gone, _but _why _his wish had come true- that was worth debating about.

"Maybe I'm in a coma and this is some sort of _outer-body experience. _Or maybe I'm in some sort of parallel world, or maybe I'm _dead _and this is a test to see if I end up in heaven and hell-"

"-I think you could have a mental health problem." Pearson stated over the patient's words honestly.

Chad stopped talking instantly. Woah- _what? _He hadn't been expecting _that _at all. Perhaps some sort of stress diagnosis but crazy…like _crazy-crazy? _Okay, now that was freaking _stupid. _He wasn't the one with some mental health problem here, _the whole world were the ones with the problem. _They have forgotten all about Sonny Monroe, _he _had remembered her. Staring at the Doctor blankly, Chad swallowed-hard, pressing his sweaty hands together. He felt like he was going to drop dead literally any second, the tension and pressure in the room was _intense. _

"Well," a cryptic smile slid onto his face. "It sure beats being dead." He emitted a dry laugh, one that turned slightly hysterical after a few seconds. _Crazy, _psssht. This whole _world _was crazy. In fact, this whole world was _so _crazy that they didn't even KNOWN how _crazy _they actually were and they believed _him _to be the crazy one because they didn't want to admit that they all were actually _crazy _and that Chad was absolutely not crazy. Chad found himself leaping to his feet with newfound energy, _rage, _fire smouldered in his eyes.

"Iam_not_crazy." He snapped, Pearson could detect vast quantities of frenzy in his voice. Placing a hand on his now _throbbing _forehead, Chad clasped his eyes shut, inhaling a deep breath. This was just _too much to handle. _How was he supposed to _take this? _First people didn't believe him, now this-

"Mr. Cooper."

Bamn. That was _it. _The upset and turmoil boiling inside the broken man was unleashed suddenly, alarming Pearson.

"Iam_not_crazy DO YOU HEAR ME?" He roared, taking a step backwards away from the man he _stupidly _was beginning to think he _might _be able to truly trust.

His eyes welled up, no. He should have known. He couldn't trust _anybody _in this bloody world. No-one in this world could be trusted because they were _all _crazy and they were _all _cynical enough to believe that thinking outside the freaking box was implausible, which in itself was _paradoxical _because human advancement depended on thinking outside the box. Standing up hesitantly, Pearson walked steadily towards Chad.

"_Calm down _Mr. Cooper-" he found he could not advance any further towards the blonde-haired actor as he feared it would merely panic Chad further.

"_Don't _tell me to (he mimicked Pearson's words mockingly) 'calm down'. In fact, _don't _tell me anything at all, because I am _not _fucking crazy!"

His words echoed around the room violently, and Pearson was sure the sadistic vibrations in his voice would have been enough to bring down ceiling above them chaotically. Taking his chunky glasses off with a sigh, Pearson rubbed the lenses against the hem of his shirt calmly, _calmly. _He was so _calm _it was _crazy. _Ha. Ha. Ha, because he was crazy, because the _whole world _was crazy and NOT Chad Dylan Cooper. The Doctor placed his glasses back on his head _calmly. _There it was again- Chad gazed at the man through blurry eyes- was Pearson _incapable _of showing _any _other emotion but peace and fucking _tranquility?_

"I never said that Mr. Cooper," Pearson replied _calmly_. Indeed, this _was _the truth. He hadn't _once _said that Chad Dylan Cooper was 'crazy'. "But you need to_ consider _the possibility of-"

Chad scoffed, walking towards the front door, opening it wide. So _now, _he _wasn't _crazy, he just had to '_consider the possibility' _that he _could _be crazy. Now _that _was crazy, _crazy_ Psht. This stupid world was getting even more and _more _ridiculous, more and more_ crazy- _because this world _was _crazy. The whole world was _crazy; _not Chad Dylan Cooper, _oh no. _Anger was continuously building inside Chad perilously, _dangerously_. And all he wanted to do was just _drive, _drive to a secluded spot and just sit there alone. Storming out onto Grace's driveway, livid and unable to even _look _in the direction of Pearson who had followed, Chad stumbled into his flashy convertible. Pearson frowned clearly _disappointed _by Chad's immature reaction to his words. For some reason, the discontent on Pearson's felt ignited _guilt _inside the blonde.

"Celebrities," Pearson muttered under his breath (inaudible to Chad), revealing a minute hint of irritation in his tightened lips. Raising his voice to one Chad could hear, he addressed the turbulent man.

"Mr. Cooper, come back inside-" the rest of his _calm_ words were drowned out by the deliberately overstated – and damn-well _childish, _revving of the motor engine. Ceasing to rev the engine for a moment, Chad placed his sunglasses over his eyes to hide their emptiness.

"I'm going for a drive round the block. When I get back, you won't be here." He stated as if this was _exactly _what was going to happen because he was some omnipotent being who could control everything and anything. Well, he _had _wished away the greatest soul on the planet-

-Pulling out of the driveway, Chad didn't bother to listen to Pearson's response. But as he drove out onto the road, gazing back in the wing mirror at the figure standing on the drive, he sighed. Perhaps he'd overreacted…_a little_. What- no he _hadn't. _Pearson was suggesting that Sonny Monroe had never existed; he was suggesting that Chad was _crazy, _and had merely _made her up. _Bullshit. The knight on the chessboard didn't _need _to tackle him; it appeared Chad Dylan Cooper had just tackled himself- and my _my; _Fate. _Oh,_ how fate was laughing_, sniggering _at the scene unfolding before it, as if it couldn't have gotten any _better._ Chad could hear its husky snickers in the back of his auditory spectrum, undetectable to all but himself. Grabbing the steering wheel tightly, the blonde drove through the street, _through _a couple of red lights, _through _a couple of speed limits. The wind on his face that would have once been refreshing appeared to be pricking his skin coldly.

Nonetheless, he stubbornly continued to drive, too proud to admit at this moment in time that he just wanted to _stop _and release everything inside him. He was in a public place- his eyes widened at that thought instantly…he was an _idiot._ He had been _so _consumed in anger he had _almost _forgotten that his sister lived in the heart of _San Francisco. _Driving in a freaking _city centre_ wasn't like driving to Grace's on long stretches of vacant highways and unknown back roads. People may have recognised his car and his erratic driving. The last thing he _really _wanted was for a bucket-load of press to march down to Grace's house. Not only would it distress his sister and her poor kid Jamie, he would most likely have to _leave _his sister. Feeling suddenly _selfish _and immersed in guilt, Chad made a reckless U-turn in the road receiving many disgusted looks for his poor driving. Disgusted looks, he convinced himself, was _all they were_. Nobody had realised it was him. Luckily for now, he was correct, because Chad Dylan Cooper wasn't currently the hype of Hollywood, he had _left _Hollywood.

When he arrived back at his temporary home, he was surprisingly saddened to find that Pearson had heeded his words and left. Parking the car in the drive, Chad walked up the steps towards the front door. Then, a peculiar anxiety ran through his body.

For _crazy _reasons he simply didn't understand, he felt as if he had just thrown away his biggest lifeline yet.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell  
I know, right now you can't tell  
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see  
A different side of me._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

* * *

**Well that's it for this time on WLOM.**

**So why didn't Grace tell their Mum that Chad was in town I hear you ask… well I can't tell you unfortunately :P**

**This is kind of a pivotal chapter for me really because…well I can't tell you haha. But I have to admit the next 3-4 chapters are going to be really difficult to write, because - well erm…I can't actually tell you xD but you'll see when I update the next instalments. So I do apologise if I take a while, but I just want everything to be perfect! **

**I really hoped you liked this one, this is actually my favourite chapter so far :D the last scene has been one I've been waiting to write for so long, where Chad literally explodes at what Pearson says. I hope you picked up in that scene how some of my sentences became long, frenzied and 'crazy', mirroring how Chad was feeling at the time (: haha.**

**Reviews much appreciated (:**

**Thank you SO MUCH for your patience with this story!**

**Until next update,**

**Izzy **


	8. You open the Cage and He sets you Free

I know I said I wouldn't be updating until I got home from France…but I got back from Italy a few days ago and couldn't resist trying to finish this chapter before I go away (tomorrow!), I just wanted to leave you with something fresh :D

I've discovered a new song which has become a massive part of this chapter. It's called **"Killing Time" **by** Infected Mushroom**. Wow. What an _amazing, _weirdsong, the lyrics are so full of darkness and it's ridiculously addictive. It reflects the dark shades in this story really well. The lyrics kind of feel like Present-Chad ;)

I'm actually making a new WLOM soundtrack (because the first one I made did not capture the mood of the story at all) and this song is definitely going to be on it!

If you want to listen to it while reading this chapter here is the link ( **http: / www. youtube. com/watch ?v= PUcbqu26Gls **)

Enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the _**L**__ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e **

AnalystProductions 2010

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND**

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

**7. You open the cage and he sets you free 7. **

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_30__th__ September (literally by 1 minute.)_

_This is going to be a quick log, like seriously quick._

_I can barely write my hands are shaking. Shit. Just shit. I can't believe what's just happened. I…I'm such an idiot. It all began yesterday, in the early evening when Grace got home, I had been writing in this notebook…._

**. . . **

"-What are you _doing?_"

Chad dropped the pen swiftly as a hand squeezed his shoulder. Gazing up, rather startled, he met his sister's curious eyes. Raising her eyebrows she gestured towards the notebook in his hands. The notebook was a dark shade of brown. Though after meticulous scrutiny of the book, Grace Mia Cooper noted it appeared maroon at times, when it was angled into the light- the light that lacked warmth, familiarity, _sunshine._ Its cover was rough against Chad's fingertips, though there were occasional anomalies in the texture where it became abruptly smooth. The spine was split down the centre, the binding faded at the corners. Almost instantaneously, the notebook was thrown under the cushion, as if being caught _writing _was a crime.

"N-nothing G." The scrambled sound of his voice ignited a spark of amusement in Grace's eyes.

He was unable to describe the feeling he had when Grace had gazed upon the notebook, the strange swell of protection he had felt towards it. It was the same kind of protection he once had about Sonny, before she _hated him. _This newfound protection was accompanied with the _desperate _urge to keep it safe and _private. _Pushing the book further under the cushion with a lumbering hand, Chad sheepishly smiled at this sister, who kindly dropped the subject, knowing better to pry. Standing up, Chad brushed himself off.

"So, good day?" he asked mechanically, pretending to play the part of the normal, _sane _human being.

Detecting his lousy attempt at being okay, Grace rolled her eyes. He was _such _a bad actor, _seriously. _She couldn't be the _only _person on earth to see through those artificial smiles, that _completely _programmed voice, that stiff, awkward body language. How he had landed those huge roles sometimes was the biggest mystery in the universe to her. Shrugging nonchalantly, Grace smiled sympathetically at her little brother.

"It was okay," pause. Their eyes met, revealing the true emotions swirling around the mind of a depressed Chad Dylan Cooper. "I had a tricky customer though." She winked teasingly.

And if NASA were _kind enough_ to simply pluck the Hubble space telescope out of its orbit for a split second, well, it _could_ have been deduced, under much scrutiny, that the corners of Chad's lips defied gravity ever so slightly. But, since this _never happened_- the omniscient voice can only say that he appeared impassive. Averting his eyes from his sister, Chad felt something latch on to his legs. Jamie was looking up at him with those beautiful, _big _eyes, full of admiration and wonder. It was just…_so _cute.

"Hey Jamie," he forced a smile upon his dry lips. "Have fun at nursery?"

The chubby-faced toddler nodded clumsily. That lumbering, adorable expression almost reminded Chad of _himself,_ a long time ago. A time before the apocalypse, a time before the world ended; a time before he'd even met Sonny Monroe. The young, enthusiastic Chad Dylan Cooper, who fate had _almost _favoured once upon a time. Then, the tiny fragments left of a person called Chad Dylan Cooper gently lifted the boy into his arms.

An unusual shiver danced through his fingertips, igniting a strong swell of mysterious emotions. The pain in his diminishing heart throbbed. He'd imagined cradling his own children in his arms like this, looking into their eyes, and knowing that half of himself was there. He'd imagined it so many times, _too _many times. It almost felt like another reality. The first child was a girl. She had his eyes- compelling and mesmerizing – and Sonny's toothy grin; a combination so beautiful and perfect it would shatter every heart in the world. She inherited that throaty, obnoxiously loud laugh of Sonny Monroe, and the suave shades of Chad Dylan Cooper's voice. She was to become resilient and ridiculously _good-natured _with a sprinkle of that corny So Random humour. She was called Kerry. Kerry Cooper, no middle name required because Kerry Cooper sounded sophisticated and yet understated in such a curious way.

The second child was a boy, two years younger than Kerry. He had the deep, brown eyes of Sonny Monroe _and _her toothy grin. But this was accompanied by Chad's slender, tempting lips and dimples which would encapsulate a vast majority of the female population when he grew past the age of ten. He had taken a chunk of Chad Dylan Cooper's ego, and a slice of Sonny's honesty which counteracted a _lot _of the smugness he _could _have easily stolen from his father. His name was Logan. Logan Eric Cooper, because any _male _child of Chad Dylan Cooper just _had _to have a three-named name and follow the footsteps of the Hollywood heartthrob- minus being a fucking douchebag and wishing away the love of their life of course-

-Both of them were wonderful, gorgeous children. They'd no doubt be sucked into the Hurricane of Fame, swallowed into the flashing lights from their very birth date. But Chad imagined both of them to have that admirable grounding to the important things in life, like Sonny Monroe did. Sure, Logan was bound to lap up the attention, _like father like son. _A sad smile slid upon his lips, reminiscing on a family he'd never had, never _have; _not only because she no longer existed according to this _crazy _world, but because she was a million stars brighter than him.

Sonny Monroe was like the Titanic, the best thing since…well _anything,_ the one _everyone _wanted. She was magnificent, beautiful; _perfect. _Putting Chad Dylan Cooper into the equation was bad news, it was disastrous, for he was a mere _shadow_ of a human being, an iceberg let's say. His cold, stone emotions guided him poorly through the waters of life.

He was an obstruction.

He was the one who had _destroyed her. _

Sonny Monroe deserved to sail through the ocean of her wildest dreams without hitting the glacier that was Chad Dylan Cooper.

But she just _had _to go ahead and hit him.

She just _had _to hit him right in the heart.

She just _had _to fall in love with him, and make him vulnerable, susceptible to emotion exposure. She just _had _to melt the iceberg that was Chad Dylan Cooper, sculpting him into a completely new being. It really was the greatest architectural breakthrough. And then, it happened. _Shit _happened. The iceberg had its revenge, for all that time; it had planted the smallest crack into her. Over time, it had grown, developed into something terrible and the biggest disaster on earth happened. She was _broken, _completely heart-broken by the idiot that was Chad Dylan Cooper. She split, right down the middle, in front of his eyes, and delved into the deep waters of life. She was completely submerged, _gone. _He tried to save her, he _really_ had. But the words '_I wish you didn't exist'_ froze the waters, and the ice age flourished.

It was all over.

There would never be a Kerry Cooper; there would never be a Logan Eric Cooper. Hell there would _never _be a fucking Allison Cooper no matter how much he wished for it. They were dead, _murdered, _murdered by him. He'd drowned them in his own selfishness, his demonic temper- _himself. _Chad Dylan Cooper was a monster, a horrible, _foreboding _monster-

-The paper thrust suddenly in front of his face broke Chad abruptly from his thoughts. Moving his face backwards at the intrusion, slightly stunned, Chad caught the excited, vivacious eyes of the young boy. As Jamie pushed the paper with a light giggle into his Uncle's face once more, Chad glanced hesitantly toward his sister. He was unsure about what this paper-rape scheme actually gestured.

"Is this for _me_?" He eyed the paper waving around his face in confusion.

Grace pressed a hand against her forehead in amusement at Chad's shock. She nodded, admiring the pair interacting. It was at this moment Chad noticed just how _relaxed _she appeared to be. In fact, for the first time in _days,_Grace Mia Cooper resembled the composed, happy soul he had remembered her to be. Truth be told, despite this whole _Sonny Monroe _business barging a divide between her brother and the entire world, Chad was exactly what Jamie needed right now. The early years of his life were fatherless, and the rest of his life would be fatherless too. Chad Dylan Cooper, the little boy's _biggest _inspiration, and Uncle, was the kind of figure Grace prayed would give her son some guidance, the guidance a mother couldn't- only the guidance a father could.

Tugging the paper from the boy's hands, Chad eyes brimmed in a layer of affection he hadn't expressed before, or yet alone experienced. At first it was hard to identify – although Grace sensed it straight away. It was paternal affection. The paternal affection he one day wanted to feel for real, with his own flesh and blood, with Kerry and Logan- trying to erase the fictional children in his mind, Chad studied the picture before him with fond eyes. Beneath the rough, crayon-blue sky, there was a yellow-haired stickman. He wasn't smiling, and those blue dots for eyes were as vacant and haunting as they were in person. It was Chad Dylan Cooper. He was standing beside what appeared to be Grace; between them stood a smaller stick-person. They stood on a purple ground, which Chad assumed to be grass, he held in the comment about grass being green, not wanting to upset the kid's efforts.

Putting the boy down, Chad held the picture in both hands, admiring it as if it were a Picasso or Van Gough masterpiece that had been kept secret from society all these years. At this moment in time, Fate's chessboard appeared to be still; silent. Just for this moment, Fate gave Chad a moment to dwell in the first kiss of forgotten Happiness upon his forehead. But it didn't last long, for a small pawn was moved forwards scrupulously. And all of a sudden, something about the picture was incredibly heartbreaking, and _horrible. _As instructed by Fate, Chad reluctantly took a step forwards on the board, meeting the pawn dead on. Glancing back at the picture, he then noticed the hidden figure.

There was a fourth person in the background, far away from everyone. They stood secluded, ignored, in a way that was almost mocking. Swallowing-hard, Chad traced the figure, growing apprehensive.

"Hey Jamie, who's that?" he asked delicately, crouching down to the boy's height to show him the picture.

The serenity in Grace's face shifted to one of anxiety. _Shoot. _She walked closer towards them, lips tightening, unsure how Chad was going to react to Jamie's words. She gazed desperately at her innocent, naïve son, who was about to say something which was going to pierce her brother right in the heart. Crouching down, Grace smiled lightly.

"It's just a stranger, no-one special." She cooed to Jamie, stroking his hair with intensity. It was as if she was hoping to brainwash him into believing that was the truth. Observing her behaviour, Chad leant a little closer to Jamie and it was too late for either of the adults to speak for the boy corrected his mother almost instantaneously.

"No Mummy, you _silly-billy_!" Jamie exclaimed with a high-pitched, endearing giggle. "That is, Uncle Chad's _imaginary friend_."

Uncle Chad's Imaginary friend.

Fate's laughter erupted through Chad's ears in a poignant echo. Imaginary friend- it didn't take a genius to decode what that represented. The meeting with Nick Pearson came to the front of his mind, stripping Chad's eyes of emotion, leaving them in that vacant, petrifying state they'd been for the past few weeks. The smile slid off Chad Dylan Cooper's lips robotically, those feelings of anguish, grief, _despair _he had held back for a few minutes poured back. Sonny Monroe. Fucking _Sonny Monroe_- the woman he'd wished away. But to the crazy world, Sonny Monroe was his _imaginary friend, _his psychotic mind's escape from cruel reality. That wasn't true, the world had created this _crazy _place to create something interesting and entertaining for themselves. They were the ones with the problem. _Fate _was the one with the fucking problem. Its games were getting crueler and more concentrated. Clenching his teeth, Chad's grasp on the picture tightened dramatically, to the point where the picture crumpled at the sides.

"Th-thanks Jamie," he choked on his barely audible words. "That's… (he cleared his throat, standing up) really something."

Grace immediately cut in, not wanting to drag Jamie into any of these 'moments' – the times where she knew the timer had been set, and they were waiting for the bomb to go off and create havoc at its best.

"Um Jamie," she nudged the boy gently towards the living room door. "Go and play with your toys, I need to talk to Uncle Chad."

The naïve child, free from _true _pain, free from the truth of the world, free from reality, sauntered towards the door. It was as if the poor child was being accustomed to '_Uncle and Mummy screaming time' _as he had named it on the car journey home from nursery. The statement had completely angered Grace Mia Cooper, and indeed created an argument against Chad Dylan Cooper being the thing that Jamie needed for stability. Within milliseconds, the atmosphere darkened. It became fierce, wrapping its fingers around everything in sight, luring them into the trap, devouring any emotion associated with happiness and peace. Jamie barely missed its clutches, but he luckily made it out unscathed. Grace and Chad, unfortunately, were caught in its clutches, about to face the daily peril.

Lifting his eyes slowly to his sister, in a manner which unnerved her, Chad put the drawing down on the coffee table.

"So," he began casually, attempting to mask his true feelings on the events of today. But in the crushing silence, it convinced him to cut the bullcrap and just be blunt with his sister. He had every right to, because Pearson showing up today unannounced _had_ to have something to do with her. "Why didn't you tell me Pearson was coming to play '_check-up' _again?"

The firm, imperative tone of his voice created uneasiness within his sister. Trying to approach the situation in a calm, casual way, she spoke honestly.

"Because you wouldn't have opened _the door-"_

She was interrupted abruptly by a confused, enraged Chad Dylan Cooper.

"-exactly!" He exclaimed. "And then I wouldn't have heard his stupid _calm _voice tell me all those _crazy _things." His words were accompanied by erratic hand movements.

Failing to mention Pearson showing up the first time had been forgiven...but _twice? _He understood his sister was concerned about him. Yet it wouldn't have _hurt _to inform him about what she had arranged _behind his back. _Searching for words, Grace frowned, removing her eyes from her brother. Both knew they'd entered dangerous territory; there was no turning back now. Refusing to _fuel _the situation, Grace sat down on the sofa. Walking towards her, Chad narrowed his eyes, knowing she wanted more than anything to just _drop _the subject. But Chad Dylan Cooper had a weakness; he couldn't just _drop _something, especially if it had something to do with Sonny Monroe.

"How could you Grace?"

At that ignorant and rather insensitive comment, she found herself standing up again, fire burning in her eyes. _God. _He was just so senseless, so _selfish, so -_ ugh_. _She wasn't _intending _to hurt him; she was trying to _help _him. All of a sudden it felt like they'd jumped back a milestone to where they were at the beginning, the day he arrived here. Awkward, _angry- _so, so angry. Without warning, Grace's voice grew more intense.

"How could I-" blinking in disbelief she shook her head in irritation. "Chad you _never _change."

And there they went again, playing the immature _blame game, _pointing fingers at each other, as if it was the only way they knew how to interact. The sad thing was, most of the time that _was_ true. Chad _knew _where this was going, and the destination wasn't desirable at all. They were already on the train, they had boarded a few minutes ago. It was taking off, gaining speed, momentum. There was no use trying to _stop _this train because either way it was just _going _to happen.

"_I _never change?" Hysterical, sarcastic laugh. "No. _You _never change, always butting your nose in where it's not wanted-"

The train picked up more speed, but Grace was the only one with enough sanity to slow it down.

"-No Chad. I'm not _doing this_, notnow." Pause, Grace folded her arms dismissively across her chest. The train came to a stop. Standing awkwardly in the room, Chad brushed a hand over his hair. Annoyance and rage smouldered through him. Just because she had tried to stop this conversation, didn't mean that it wasn't going to continue. Before he could provoke her again, she spoke.

"Oh and Pearson called _me, _I didn't ask for him to come back." With that, she left the living room, entering the kitchen.

Chad Dylan Cooper stood there for a few moments, confused, perplexed. _What? _Pearson had actually _wanted _to come and see him, without being called over? Incapable of holding in this swell of curiosity, he followed Grace into the kitchen (the _cursed _place where a majority of their heated arguments had taken place since his arrival). He stood there silently, chewing on the thought. Pearson, Dr. Pearson had called, _offered _to see him? What was his main incentive? Then, as she spun around to face him, he pressed hand on her shoulder.

"…why would he do that?"

Rolling her eyes at his sceptical tone, she dusted his hand off her shoulder. To Chad Dylan Cooper it seemed that everybody was a criminal out to get him.

"Because he _wants _to help you," noticing the look of doubt on her brother's face, she inwardly groaned. Was it _so hard _for him to just believe that some people in this world _wanted _to help him out?

"Chad he wants to help you, like _I _want to help you."

Scoffing at that remark, Chad titled his head to the side. He rejected this idea immediately. That was _ridiculous. _Pearson did _not _want to 'help Chad Dylan Cooper' he just wanted to put him in a-

"-He doesn't want to help me G, he wants to put me in a _nuthouse." _

Scowling at her brother, Grace strode to the other side of the kitchen, hands groping the work surface in distress. It was like she was dealing with a _child. _He resembled a young, defensive child who was unable to see the world through _anyone's _eyes but their own.

"You see?" she said, gesticulating towards him with a hand. "This is your problem Chad. You're _so _narrow-minded. (He widened his eyes at that) You think that _everyone _is always against you when the truth is the only person against you is Chad Dylan Cooper._"_

Staring at his sister solemnly, he tired one last stab at ironic humour before unleashing the monster growing inside him.

"Well," he stammered. "When you say it like that I really _do _sound crazy-"

Raising her hands in a manner suggesting she was close to just _giving up, _Grace bit her lip.

"That's it. I can't take this anymore;it's not fair on Jamie." Shutting the kitchen door, Grace turned around to face her brother, a severe look on her face. "You," she prodded him in the chest forcefully. "need to _sort _yourself out. The world is _not _out to get you Chad Dylan Cooper-"

"-I'm out to _get myself, _yeah you already said that._" _He said irritably, shooing her hand away. Bringing a hand to his brow, he audibly sighed, eyes clasped shut. Nobody understood his situation, _nobody. _He was alone in this wretched world, _all alone. _Perhaps these people were just manifestations of the ones he used to know. Perhaps he wasn't even here at all, maybe there were _all in his head, _just like they thought Sonny Monroe was. Opening his eyes slowly, Chad frowned, glancing towards his sister slowly.

"Y-you just don't know what I've been through the past eighteen days." He muttered, studying the floor with vacant eyes.

Pursuing her lips together for a moment, dwelling on his words morosely, she reached for his free hand, smoothing over it comfortingly.

"I know I don't Chad but I'm trying," she removed her hand meeting his eyes softly. "I _really _am."

Of course, Grace was telling the truth, because she had the same lack of deception as Sonny Monroe. However, her words didn't pacify the broken man at all, they merely agonised him further. This world was _trying. _Hell, everyone was _trying. _But trying wasn't good enough, trying was useless. _Trying _was failing. They couldn't see his memories, read his mind. They didn't know Sonny Monroe like he did. They knew _nothing. _His next words slipped seamlessly off his tongue, though a lot colder than intended.

"I don't really want you to try."

The comment hit his sister hard in the rib cage, winding her. Inhaling a ragged breath, Grace ran a hand through her hair. Just when things seemed to be working out between them, after _years _of no interaction, he dropped the poison into the glass. What would it take to convince him that he didn't have to lock himself away to get through this problem of his? He was lying. He _did _want her to try. Of course he did, because Grace _knew _Chad, she knew he never admitted the truth. Then, she fought the statement with the strongest piece of evidence that he _did _want her to try.

"Well, you came _here _to me Chad."

Unable to stop himself, a heartless Chad Dylan Cooper replied.

"_I _came here because it was the only place I could think of going at that moment in time."

Biting the bullet, Grace wiped her eyes, feeling herself being torn apart and devoured in a horrifying collision with the Truth. He didn't…_mean _that, did he? But Truth consumed her further. No, wake up Grace- he _did _mean it. He wasn't Chad anymore; Hollywood had created Chad Dylan Cooper. It was the truth. She could tell by the way Guilt wrapped around Chad. A temporary home, a _spontaneous _decision, that's all she was to him. Blinking quickly to avoid tears, she clenched her fists. His words stabbed her deeper each time they replayed in her mind. Each time it sounded _worse- _it sounded worse because it was true. Instead of taking his comment in a mature way, Grace opened the kitchen door frantically, tears stinging her eyes.

"Well," she began, voice raised. "if you feel _that _way, why don't you just _pack your bags _and leave-?" her voice cracked on the last words.

Raising his eyebrows, Chad gritted his teeth. Leaning towards her in rage he caught her eyes ferociously.

"_Fine, _maybe I will-"

"-FINE." She screamed back into his face, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"You know what _I _don't even _need _my bags." Walking past her, Chad strode down the hallway drastically, making his way to the front door. Opening the front door, he cast one look back at his tormented sister. "The longer I stay here the _worse _I feel."

The door slammed, and then he was gone.

Gone.

Staring the door, Grace slid down to the ground, uncontrollable sobs shaking her body. She gasped for air, but it couldn't satisfy, it couldn't stop her tears. She was stupid to believe he actually _wanted _to see her. He was a monster, but he hadn't _always _been. Smashing her head into her knees her hysterical sorrow intensified, rousing the child from the other room. In _all _her life, Grace had never _ever _cried like this before. It was heart-wrenching, horrible, _painful. _But she couldn't stop. She just _couldn't _stop. Lifting her head, she met the eyes of her fearful child.

"Mummy, are you upset?" he muttered, bringing his clumsy hand to her eyes.

Shaking her head, Grace threw up a manifested laugh, a fake smile drawn over her lips.

"No honey, Mummy's fine," wiping her eyes with her hands; she lifted herself onto her feet, grabbing Jamie's hand. "_She's just fine_."

Both heads turned to the front door at the sound of the doorbell. Swallowing-hard, Grace bravely strode towards the door. Through the glass, she could see exactly who it was, standing there: Chad Dylan Cooper. Breathing deeply, she reached for the handle with shaky hands, opening the door. The face staring back greatly mirrored hers, dark, blotchy eyes, frosted over with torment and pain. Biting his lip nervously, Chad fell further into those broken eyes. And Grace Mia Cooper was suddenly a spitting image of Sonny Monroe, on that night. That night when he'd said the worst words possible. Just like Sonny, he'd watch the life fade from her eyes, he'd watched her collapse.

Parting his trembling lips, he scrambled for the right words. But none seemed to surface.

"-_Don't say sorry_ Chad, it's becoming nothing more than just a word we _keep _saying to each other almost every day." Grace whispered, voice jumping octaves miserably. One again she was right, _Sorry _was just a word. "Almost everyday Chad we're _fighting-_"

"-I _know. _I know." He frowned, wiping his watery eyes._ "_I'm a terrible brother; I _know_ I'm a terrible person." Clutching her hand, he squeezed it tightly with desperation, as if he believed when he let go she'd disappear in the same way Sonny Monroe had. "But I'm trying to put that right now."

"Then why _leave _now Chad?" she asked, feeling the swell in her throat burst. "This _is _your home, it _always _has been. You don't _have _to go anywhere." Chad felt his heart explode with regret at the sight of her crying, crying because of him, _again. _Removing her hand, she shrugged. "Even if you did just drivehere _spontaneously-_"

"-I didn't mean it like that G." he said in a voice so sincere it sounded more like Sonny Monroe.

Shaking her head, a mix of disappointment and hurt on her face, Grace lowered her eyes to her confused son, then back up to the broken soul.

"I'm going to put Jamie to bed." Attempting to ingest the tightness in his throat, Chad opened his mouth to speak. But something told him words weren't going to do it this time. In fact, it looked like he'd just made another _huge _mistake. It was the 8th of September all over again.

"Good night Chad."

Her blunt words pierced through him. They were so meaningless, staged…impassive. Chad frantically reached out to his sister, hopelessly trying to drag her back to him. She was inches away from his grasp. So close, but so damn far. Panic flooded into his shaking body. He couldn't lose Grace, _no. _First he's killed Sonny Monroe, now Grace. This couldn't happen, it just _couldn't. _Fate supportively slung an arm around Grace, babbling bullshit into her ears whilst leading her upstairs. As she faded into the darkness, Chad stood motionless, hand outstretched. And if Chad Dylan Cooper had the chance to meet Satan there and then and offer up his soul for what he'd just done, he honestly would have.

But Fate wasn't that kind; it wasn't going to just _give _Chad a lifeline that huge.

No.

Instead, it pushed him further on the chessboard, where Chad found himself stumbling into what his relationship with Grace had become.

Nothing.

He stood in nothingness.

Empty; haunting nothingness.

**. . .**

… _It seems all I'm doing in this crazy world is picking fights. I don't think I could have said harsher words to my sister. Of course driving up to San Francisco was __**partly**__ a spontaneous reaction, but I did put thought into it. She's my freaking sister. I haven't seen her for years; I wanted to come to see her. I truly did._

_Grace is amazing, like Sonny, she's important to me. I'm terrified that I've drawn the last straw. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her. It seems everytime I get close to someone; my mouth betrays me, saying words I just don't mean. And what she said, as much as I'm ignorant enough to not admit it, is probably right. _

_Maybe the world isn't out to get me._

_Maybe I'm out to get myself. _

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_When you're caught in a lie_

_And you've got nowhere to hide_

_And you've nowhere to run_

_And nothing inside_

_It tears right through me_

_You thought that you knew me_

_You thought you knew_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

7_th__ October 2009: Three Weeks and six days since Sonny Monroe disappeared off the face of the planet._

_It's now been, almost a whole month since my stupid wish came true, one day off. Things only seem to be getting worse. I feel truly alone. The past few days have been unbearable, awkward. I turned on the TV yesterday, only to see that Mackenzie Falls is suffering because of me:_

The hit TV drama show _Mackenzie Falls _is _literally _falling rapidly since the departure of Chad Dylan Cooper.

_I want to fix it. I really do. But Tom's words cut like a knife. To get back on the show, to save a big chunk of my life, I have to let go the __**biggest **__part of my life and pretend that she really didn't ever exist: Sonny Monroe. And that's something I can't afford to do because I'm afraid as the days go by that one day I might just __**believe **__this crazy world. This notebook is the only thing keeping me grounded, keeping me sane. _

_It's the only thing I have to remind me everyday to ignore the world, and keep believing, even if my hope is so minute, it __**still **__is enough to keep ploughing through and save her. _

_Things haven't been the same with Grace and I since that fight we had. There are moments where I believe someone has planted a time bomb in this house and it's going to explode any second. She's been mostly working- Jamie's been at nursery. Even when they come home, words are hard to find. Jamie doesn't understand, he just smiles, oblivious to the situation. I apologise, but Grace is right, sorry is just a word we've been dishing out to each other way too much, so much it's lost it's meaning, and become an excuse for the way we behave. I'm going to go and talk to her, right now. I'm going to, for once, sort out the shit I've made, pick up the pieces I've smashed._

_It's about time Chad Dylan Cooper took responsibility for his actions. _

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_Caught in the middle of a crossfire.  
Lost my balance on a high wire  
Trying to figure out what to do.  
_

_Pushed to the edge of my reason  
Everywhere around me it's treason  
I don't want to do that to you._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

There she sat, on the sofa, reading a magazine. Tranquility radiated from her body, but Chad knew that was just a clever front she'd put up to fend him off. After all, who was _he _to spoil her forged tranquility? Dispelling the nerves rocketing his heart into calamity, Chad invaded her personal territory, peeling the book from her fingers. Hesitantly, her eyes met his in a brutal collision. For a few moments, the siblings remained like that, in silence. Both were able to read each other's mind with ease, no words required. Grace was the first one to break the eye contact, snatching the magazine from his hands. It was clear she was not impressed by attempts to make contact.

"G." he said softly, watching her flick the page of the magazine roughly. It took _so much _concentration to keep her eyes glued to the dull, boring pages.

"G I'm so _sorry._"

He cursed at his incompetence, _sorry,_ that word meant nothing. Sighing, Grace put the magazine down, knowing this conversation could not be avoided any longer. She tightened her lips, wondering if maybe she should just _accept _the apology despite it being nowhere near enough of a compensation for the pain he'd caused her-

"-I." Pause. "I really want to _try _and make things right again_._"

She stood up, finally addressing him properly.

"Chad, things were _never _right between us to start with, even you know that's true."

Grimacing, Chad paced around the coffee table, tracing the pattern on the surface.

"It's not too late to try G," he begged, gazing into her eyes.

"I want to try Chad. But you _don't really want me to try._" She quoted his words from last week solemnly, and it cut deeper into her skin.

Raking a hand through his hair in distress, Chad sighed. He had _indeed _said that, because it seemed nobody believed him about Sonny Monroe, he'd lost hope trying to convince anybody else.

"Let's just pretend I'm _actually _okay and nothing is wrong. _Then _could we try-?"

It seemed that option was rejected immediately by an angered Grace.

"-Pretend." She ridiculed, eyes darkening. "That's _all _you're good at Chad, pretending. Pretending to _want _to be here, pretending to _be sincere, _pretending to be okay, _pretending_ that you're not the _slightest bit _delusional at the moment over this imaginary-"

His eyes widened. Whoa, _whoa. _Oh no; she wasn't going to _go there, _was she? Was she _actually _going to propose that he was _delusional _about-

"-Sonny Monroe."

Oh dear. Oh _dear, _oh dear. She went there. Grace had mentioned her; she brought up _Sonny Monroe, _the love of his life, the one who'd disappeared off the face of the freaking planet. The mention of her name pushed Sonny's face into his mind. But she wasn't smiling, she was crying. She was distraught; she was just how he'd last remembered her when he'd said those _words, _those horrible words that had _killed her._ He tried to shake off the imprinted image, make her lips upturn to that adorable smile. He was unsuccessful.

"_Don't_ say her name like that." He snapped forebodingly.

Grace, taken aback by her brother's severity, studied him curiously. That name, just the _mention _of that strange, fictional name pushed him over the edge. He really _believed _he knew this character, that he was in love with this character…or was she _just _a character, did she really exist-? No. Don't be _ridiculous. _This wasn't some dramatic, moving novel where something out of the ordinary happens, where people can just be _erased._ This was reality, and in reality, this _Sonny Monroe _was fiction.

"Pearson's right. You've been under _a lot _of stress."

Chad bought a trembling hand to clasp his face.

"-Please, not you _too._" he whispered, as if he was praying to a God he didn't even believe in.

"Chad, I want to try being family," Opening his eyes at her words, Chad, surprised at her maintained composure, examined her as if she'd just said something in an alien language. "But if we're going to do this, you're going to have to _stop pretending_."

Stop pretending, was she _asking _him to leave Sonny Monroe? Or was she merely asking him to _trust _her?

"G, I-"

Chad found his words were brought to a standstill at the sound of the doorbell. The first ring sounded persistent and somewhat irritating. Fate had done this on purpose, he _knew _it had. The time he was trying to put things right between him and Grace for _good, _Fate had deliberately put a bishop in Chad's path. Narrowing his eyes, Chad glanced over towards his sister who was turning towards the front door.

"Grace, _leave _the-" he pressed his eyes shut in annoyance at the sound of a second taunting ring exploding through his ears. "door." He managed to utter the last word through gritted teeth.

Pushing a hand to her temple, clearly distressed by the events ripping her tormented soul apart, Grace gestured towards the door.

"We'll continue this discussion later," she promised half-heartedly, hoping that Chad noticed the insincerity in her voice, implying she wanted to drop the subject for good. "Just _get _the door Chad,"

The imperative tone in her voice compelled Chad to do what she asked; the _least _he could do is follow one simple instruction. Walking towards the door, Chad flinched at the third ring, exasperation plastered over his groggy, drained face. He was tempted to _slam _the door right back in this impatient bastard's face – little did Chad Dylan Cooper know, that was the _best _idea he'd had for months.

Opening the door slowly, Chad came face to face with a petite, plump-cheeked woman…a woman who _loved _emerald green apparently. She was dressed in a tight-fitted, glamorous emerald dress which glittered magically against the light. It reminded Chad of the bright lights of Hollywood, which led him to conclude that this woman must be member of the cut-throat calamity cult. Her eyes were an intense shade of grey, complementing the pouting lips which lifted into a comical smirk. Leaning against the door frame, she eyed Chad Dylan Cooper up and down slyly, whisking her jet-black curls off her shoulders.

And before the stunned siblings could react verbally, the woman extended her manicured nails, trailing down Chad's cheekbones in an amused manner. Chad stood motionless, perturbed - and _fucking freaked out- _by this eccentric greeting.

"Chad Dylan _Cooper,_" She breathed, pulling her face into a disappointed contort. It was if her face was made of a highly flexible material, for Chad Dylan Cooper was _sure _she had already created one-hundred new facial expressions he didn't know could even _exist. _"My, my, _my," _Exaggerating the frown on her face in a way that just could _not _be taken seriously, the emerald woman removed her hand, tilting her head to the side sardonically.

"Not looking so _bright _now are we pumpkin?"

* * *

…**So I was incredibly mean and left you all on a cliffhanger before I go away for two weeks. Mwhaha! **

**I hope you did enjoy this chapter, it's proven to be really difficult to write right. As I'm sure you guys noticed it lacks a bit of pensive Chad-time, but that's intentional. There isn't really time for Chad to think at this moment in time; too much is going on – poor Chad! **

**Reviews are very much appreciated.**

**I can't thank you all enough for reading and supporting this story, seriously. Thank you so much.**

**Izzy**


	9. Highlight my Wrongs, Hide my Humanity

New chapter is here finally! Sorry for the long wait guys, I just really wanted to get this one right. Italy and France were amazing, had lots of fun. I absolutely had a blast with the first scene, it's probably one of my favourite parts of Part One to write(:

Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews, support and everything. It's so amazing; it really keeps this story alive.

We're actually almost coming to the end of Part one and moving on to Part two in another five or so chapters…so that's pretty exciting! :D

I hope you like this one,

Izzy.

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the _**L**__ove_ of your life, never did exist.

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...

**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e**

AnalystProductions 2010

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND**

And before the stunned siblings could react verbally, the woman extended her manicured nails, trailing down Chad's cheekbones in an amused manner. Chad stood motionless, perturbed - and _fucking freaked out- _by this eccentric greeting.

"Chad Dylan _Cooper,_" She breathed, pulling her face into a disappointed contort. It was if her face was made of a highly flexible material, for Chad Dylan Cooper was _sure _she had already created one-hundred new facial expressions he didn't know could even _exist. _"My, my, _my," _Exaggerating the frown on her face in a way that just could _not _be taken seriously, the emerald woman removed her hand, tilting her head to the side sardonically.

Not looking so _bright _now are we pumpkin?"

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

**8. Highlight my wrongs, hide my humanity 8. **

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

Attempting to mould appropriate words in his numbed mouth, Chad gazed wide-eyed at the peculiar, _overwhelming_ woman. Pumpkin. She had called him _pumpkin._ _what? _This was just _so random – _no pun intended. Pushing past the blonde-haired celebrity, the newcomer kicked her stilettos off leisurely, revealing pearly white teeth. Chad examined the shoes cautiously; Louis Vuitton. This confirmed his theory that she was indeed part of the lights and buzz, which greatly unnerved him. Nothing _good _could come of Hollywood landing itself here- _nothing. _Emerald woman's eyes cast over to Grace Mia Cooper who apparently was unaffected by the woman's strange –and apparently supposed to be dazzling- entrance. In fact, if looks _could kill, _Chad Dylan Cooper reckoned_-_

"-Oh!" the woman trilled manically, squishing her cheeks together ridiculously as if impersonating a fish of some sort. "I hope you don't _mind _me intruding."

Shutting the door, extremely bewildered by the whacky and _weirdly _brilliant woman, Chad bit his lip. His eyes darted towards his sister who looked as if she'd been sharpening her nails on a knife, ready to prance on this stranger and throw her out of her house _immediately _with the savageness of a famished Lion living in the African plains.

"Actually I-" Grace began matter-of-factly. However, she was cut off by a loud exclamation from the emerald woman.

"-Thank you, you're_ too_ kind," the woman strutted towards the living room, as if she _owned _the house.

It was at this moment that it all clicked in Chad Dylan Cooper's mind. He knew _exactly _what this Woman was. Journalist, she just _had _to be a journalist, because only bloody _journalists _could be _this _up their own ass and yet assumed that their own natural modesty continued to linger around. Chad Dylan Cooper had met a few people like this, though none had been _this _extensively…_unique. _The thing about _these_ kinds of Hollywood journalists that they had a refined taste of humour; it was incredibly distilled. It came across obnoxious and imprudent, whereas in fact it was intended to be ironic and playful. But misinterpretations were something journalists were _damn _good at; it didn't surprised Chad that even their behaviour could be confusing and easily reproached.

"Who is this woman?" Grace muttered under her breath furiously, marching towards the living room, hand in hand with _Anger. _Knowing his sister was about to blow her _top, _Chad followed.

Entering the living room, Chad's eyes came to the woman, who had sprawled herself over the sofa.

"Who _are_ you?" Grace implored, resisting the urge to release her wrath. Taking a deep breath, she took a step backwards- to approach this in a _calm _manner would be the best thing to do. And Chad Dylan Cooper for some _bizarre _reason wished that Doctor Nick Pearson was standing in the room, for his _calmness _would instantly take all this a _million_ notches down (from Jurassic predators squabbling over a meal, to a collected debate on something intellectual).

Jumping off the sofa, the woman flashed a glitzy smile, as if she were in front of a camera.

"I'm a journalist," Chad tried _so _hard to keep his lips in a straight, stern line because he couldn't help but find this statement funny. Of course, he was right; Journalist. She had journalist plastered all _over her. _Her next words woke his defensive side up instantly, and his posture straightened.

"I'm from heat magazine; I've been trying to find you for _weeks _Mr. CDC," walking towards him, she waved her finger in disapproval, pouting.

"You're _very _(with the emphasis on the word, she prodded his shoulder) good at hiding-"

-Blinking slowly, Chad processed her words. Panic flooded through his veins. Shit. She had been _looking _for him, like most probably a million other journalists. If she had _found him,_ did that mean that a whole storm of them were-

"-You can't just _come _into my house!" Grace cried lividly, hands on her hips. The tone in her voice _finally _initiated the first words of Chad Dylan Cooper. Escaping the proximity of the _journalist, _he placed himself next to his sister protectively. Chad was so engrossed with clouded thoughts that he barely heard the woman's response: I'm _Vicky Harvord; _I can do _whatever _I want.

"How did you _find me?" _His eyes burnished with anxiety. Jamie and Grace didn't deserve this kind of exposure.

Laughing, the journalist – now revealed to be Vicky Harvord…(hold on. Vicky Harvord Chad's eyes narrowed, _why _did that name sound _so familiar?) _replied.

"I _always _find them in the end Chad darling." She placed a hand on her chest dramatically. "I was truly stuck on where you'd be, until you went on your little driving rampage through San Francisco a few days ago-" Chad inaudibly cursed at the stupidity of his previous actions_, of course. _Journalists, with enough status could get their hands on _anything. _"The speed camera caught you by the way," Pouting her ridiculous pout she giggled. "N_aughty boy." _

Turning around to face the pair, she shrugged; it had to be the most _casual _thing she'd done since her arrival.

"And of course. It seems _so _obvious to me now. San Francisco. Where would Chad Dylan Cooper go, well he'd go _home…_to your …. (she looked Grace up and down rather disdainfully) Sister-"

Gaping, Grace caught her brother's eyes, incredibly unnerved by the fact she had been identified. Nobody, _not _even her closest friends _knew _of her connection to Chad Dylan Cooper. Same surname _so what_ that meant nothing, there were plenty of Cooper's around – that had had been her constant excuse. A solemn understanding spread over her, Chad had blocked Grace out of his life all of these years not _just _because he was egoistic, selfish and arrogant. He had been trying to keep away _these _kinds of people from the things that deserved to remain untainted and beautiful; family.

"H-How did you know that?" Pushing Grace behind him nobly, Chad gritted his teeth almost _growling._

"You leave my _sister _out of this."

A chuckle escaped Vicky Harvord's lips as she positioned herself comfortably back onto the sofa.

"Sure, whateveryou want Chad." Pulling out a pen and a pad of paper, she fluttered her eyelids at Chad sweetly. "Take a seat sweetie, I'll try and make this quick-"

Instantly Chad felt words escape his mouth.

"I'm _not _talking to you, go harass someone else. I'm not crazy I-"

Smiling sadly up at the Mackenzie Falls star, Harvord sighed.

"-Let's hope not Chad, _we like you." _She cooed.

The taunting words pelted him in the face with great intensity. Meeting her cynical eyes, Chad felt rage smoulder through him. _That's _why her name was familiar; _she _wrote that stupid article about him which essentially led to suspension. As if things couldn't get any worse, Fate was snickering in the back of his mind, sitting on its throne pompously. Stirring the proposal over, Chad glanced over to his uncomfortable sister. Perhaps if he gave her _one _interview- no. _No. _No. Interviews were _not _necessary. What _was _necessary was getting rid of her before the rest of the flies arrived and wrecked the already weakened sibling relationship further.

"I'm _not t_alking to you." He affirmed confidently.

Averting her eyes, Harvord stood up, fake pessimism swathing her face. "_oh," _Chad flinched, sensing the venom in her serpent tongue.

"I _thought _you'd say that Chad. But I think you're forgetting something." Swallowing-hard, the blonde male met his sister's fiery eyes, gesticulating she was close to burning those expensive shoes at the front door. "So far, I'm the _only _journalist who knows _exactly _where you are… (Chad's eyes widened) that information could maybe…um… (lifting her shoulders casually, she rolled her eyes with false sincerity) _slip._"

The mental image of the press surrounding Grace's house, swarming his sister with endless questions, trapping _Jamie – _it was horrifying. Without thought, Chad lunged towards the woman viciously.

"You _wouldn't _dare-" Darting between the pair, Grace wrapped her arms tightly around her livid brother, heaving him backwards with as much desperate strength she could muster.

"-Chad this won't solve anything!" She shrieked, amazed that her words managed to tame him.

As usual, Grace was right. Although it would _greatly _appease him, attacking this blackmailing bitch was probably _not _the best thing to do regarding his already terrible situation. Gritting his teeth, Chad released himself from his sister's grasp, glowering maliciously at the journalist. There were three things that nobody was allowed to manipulate in his life: Sonny Monroe, Grace Mia Cooper and her little child. Now Harvord seemed to be poking fun at them, and the strength of Sonny Monroe was needed more than ever. Stepping forward, Grace pointed her finger childishly at the woman.

"I don't know _who the hell _you think you are, barging into my house acting as if you own the place. And now you're blackmailing _my_ little brother. I demand you _leave _my house now-"

Hand on hip; Harvord smirked, pushing her pen onto paper.

"-My _my – _Crazy Cooper Chaos; secret sister of Chad Dylan Cooper _threatens _innocent stranger-" She emitted an excited squeal "perhaps Cooper's mental illness is hereditary-"

Gasping, Grace gazed at her brother in despair, horrified by the twisted story.

"I did _not _threaten her! I am _not _crazy and neither is my brother." Bamn, the words Chad Dylan Cooper had been waiting to _hear: _a speck of belief. A minute smile crept onto his face; eyes regaining a fraction of enthusiasm. But this departed as soon as it arrived, because the extent of the situation was too severe to overlook. Vicky Harvord was _testing _him on purpose; she was dangling his sister's privacy in front of his face. Interrupting Grace's outburst, he ruffled a hand through his hair.

"Look Harvord, it's _me_ you want. And if you think I'm going to let any more of you flies impose on my sister and her little child then think again because-"

Raising her eyebrows, Harvord nodded appreciatively at his words.

"-So _heroic_ Chad, since when did you become so _selfless. _Hmm. Selfish Chad gets some Selfless Sense in San Francisco. That could work-"

"-I'll tell you what'll _work-"_Grace snarled.

Apparently oblivious to the sister's derision, Harvord held a hand to her chin, eyes _literally _lighting up.

"-that could work _so well-"_

Scraping a hand down his face in despair, Chad watched the two women, unable to squeeze a word in.

"-your fat face, under those freaking shoes-" Grace stormed towards the front door.

"-How _about,_ Selfish Chad gets some Selfless Sense from San Francesco sibling-"

Chad's eyes sharpened at the mention of family in her new title. His eyes darted towards his furious sister, standing with the Louis Vuitton shoes in her hands. _Boy, _he had _never _seen his sister so _angry- _it was frightening.

"-_You _heard me! These shoes, right here _in my hands_-"

Laughter escaped Harvord's lips instantly, still ignoring his sister, as if she didn't even exist. Just like people did with Sonny Monroe because apparently she didn't exist-

"-I've got it! _I've _got it-"

"-Look what _I've _got, your precious shoes-"

"-_Sonny business!" _The journalist exclaimed, grinning widely.

A growl escaped Chad's lips. Using Sonny Monroe as a _pun _had to be the most demeaning thing that could have happened considering she didn't even _exist _anymore. And now Harvord had meddled with the most _amazing_ person in the universe, Chad felt his blood simmer. Clenching his fists, he bit back the fury inside, reality puncturing his confidence. He knew he had two options; talk to Vicky Harvord, or talk to the _world. _Shuddering at the thought of paparazzi camping outside Grace's house, he twisted his lips in abhorrence. Despite the fact that talking to the press was going to make everything worse for him, it _was_ going to save Grace and Jamie from the pressure, tension and stalking they _didn't _deserve. For once in his life, Chad Dylan Cooper was going to do something, something that wasn't for _himself. _

"I'm brilliant; I'm so-"

"-I'll _gladly _tell you what you are-"

Inhaling a deep breath, Chad raised both hands up dramatically, silencing the pair with a loud shout.

"I'll talk, I'll talk just _stop _please."

Smugly, Harvord walked towards Chad satisfied by his answer. However, before she could speak, he quickly continued with snappy wisdom.

"But, I have a few conditions."

Sighing in frustration, the woman dismissed the prominent victory smile on Grace's face. Resting her arm on Chad's shoulder, she looked up at him glumly. Chad inwardly smirked; it was as if she was _surprised _by his words. It seemed she had forgotten that Chad Dylan Cooper was able to charm snakes, even the most cunning ones.

"Do we _have _to play games?" she protested rather apathetically, hinting that she had in _no way whatsoever_ been playing games from the moment she walked in.

Glancing down at the woman who was about a head shorter than himself, Chad brushed her arm off.

"One, you _promise _to keep my whereabouts disclosed and private," pause. "and that _includes _San Francisco." He stated seriously, watching her face crumple like paper into an awkward expression.

"Two, you keep my family _out _of the equation-"

"-I hate equations _anyway, _never been a Math person." Her blasé but incredibly sly humour shone through. Not taking her comment lightly, Chad narrowed his eyes, silencing her forced laugh.

"Three, you give that piece of paper," he jabbed a finger towards the paper she'd been scribbling on. "to _me._"

Stamping her foot on the ground in a manner resembling a child who had lost their playtime, Harvord pouted.

"Ugh, I _guess_ that's a fair deal." She mumbled gruffly.

Ripping the paper out of pad, she thrust it vividly into his hands. It took all her strength not to dramatise the moment when he shredded the paper into pieces in front of her eyes. Within seconds her quirky trait returned.

"Okay, where to _begin…_so _many _questions…_" _She jotted something on the top of a fresh sheet of paper. Feeling suddenly concerned, Chad leant towards the woman.

"-How do I know I can trust you?"

Harvord scoffed at his words.

"You _can't _trust me. You can _pretend_ to trust me."

Growing impatient and bothered by her presence, Chad raised his palms in defeat.

"Whatever." Grabbing her by the wrist, he turned towards the staircase. "Let's do this freaking interview upstairs; I don't want you bothering my family."

"_Ooooh!" _She shrilled animatedly, clutching his hand. "Chad Dylan Cooper's _room…_now that's something I just _can't _refuse."

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_In the morning I could take the burning sun  
I could be the only warning but I'm not the only one  
So forgive me, cause its more than I can bear  
In demand I make my mind up _

_By deciding not to care_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_7__th__ October 2009_

_I never thought an interview could be so strangely therapeutic in all my life. Vicky Harvord, yes, is a complete drama-queen, and the second we got upstairs she had bombarded me with all sorts of questions- but it wasn't at all like I imagined. I had been expecting exaggerations, twists in my words, yet she seemed to keep everything marginally close to the truth. I answered most of the questions, a lot on Sonny, which was extremely difficult. The more I think and talk about her, the more she becomes something sacred which should never have been meddled with. Even __**worse- **__just having discovered web forums devoted to the infamous Sonny Monroe - __the way people are talking about her, it's like talking about one of the supernatural mysteries of planet earth like crop circles or the Bermuda triangle- which couldn't be __**more **__degrading to the woman I love._

_Harvord asked a couple of questions on work- which I found myself surprisingly just as emotional about answering. It made me wonder how the team were doing without me, whether they missed me, if they were going to drop the show. And I couldn't think of myself and my own pain, because imagining the vast struggle Mike is going through as a director makes me feel incredibly guilty. We were mid-way through a season filming. I've heard things. Apparently they've employed a new team of emergency writers, created a plot-line which for puts Mackenzie out of the equation for most of the time. _

_I want more than __**almost **__anything to go back- almost anything. Almost anything because finding Sonny Monroe is always at the forefront of my mind; she's all I've got to live for in this dismal world. _

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead.  
I still see your reflection Inside of my eyes  
That are looking for a purpose, _

_They're still looking for life._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

Someone had once told Chad Dylan Cooper that you should treat everyday as if it were your last. You should cherish those you love, let them know that you do - not in an obnoxious daily routine, not even verbally- just simple acts of compassion because _one _day, you might wake up and find that it's all gone. Funny; it had been Sonny Monroe who told him that. It was kind of prophetic, an early warning of what he was going to say in six years time. He hadn't heeded the warning of course, because Chad Dylan Cooper was arrogant and full of smugness. He hadn't expected the words 'I wish you didn't exist' to come out his mouth. Even more so, he didn't expect them to _come true. _And well, Sonny Monroe's '_never take what you have for granted'_ lecture was highly ironic;_ taunting; _poignant. She had no idea he was going to tear her apart; destroy her.

He wondered what had happened to her. Was she really…_gone? _What if she was trapped somewhere, confused, alone, _scared _not knowing where to go? He pictured the broken woman in his mind, tears in her eyes, standing in darkness, wallowing in nothingness. Holding a hand to the bridge of his nose, Chad frowned, wiping the corners of his watery eyes with his fingers. Sonny Monroe didn't deserve any pain in her life, she didn't deserve to be stripped _of _life. The one person who _did _deserve to not exist, to not breathe, to not _be here, _was Chad Dylan Cooper. He'd _destroyed _her, he was destroying his sister- was fate waiting for him to destroy himself? Fate, the Lucifer of all possible emotions; _oh, _Chad hated Fate, and he was sure it was a mutual feeling. The Chessboard seemed to be teeming with obstructions, to the extent where he was no longer sure if _getting _to the end of the board was possible. Even if he did, what did Fate have in store…._another _game of Chess? Or would that satisfy it enough? Would…_she _come back? Or would he continue to wither away in this Sonless universe?

For twenty days, Chad Dylan Cooper had been surviving off the frantic adrenaline pumping through his veins, the _guilt _eating away at his heart. But for the past few days, insomnia had taken over the dark, painful nights. The liberty of rest and sleep had been withdrawn from him, by himself. And _boy, _he hadn't realised the effects of all of this until he caught a glimpse of a stranger in the mirror he couldn't recognise. There were dark rims under his bloodshot, grey eyes. His weary complexion gave the impression he had aged significantly; there was rough stubble growing around his jaw-line. And those thin, luscious lips were slightly chapped. He didn't look so much like a superstar now. In fact he looked like an average man, going through a mid-life crisis- which was _supposed _to happen in another ten years or so. It was a traumatic experience, gazing into his own dejected eyes, realising what he'd let himself become.

Swallowing-hard, he brought a hand up to the reflection softly, hoping that he'd find there had been some kind of fault with the mirror. It wasn't so. He knew that. Removing his hand from the mirror, he cupped his mouth pensively, studying those blank, vacant eyes. Not even the glistening tears on the corners were enough to give emotion away. He was impassive; so far from all of humanity. He didn't notice a second face appear in the mirror behind him until their voice spoke out, drawing him away from his reflection.

"Chad?" Grace choked gently, meeting his eyes with gentle empathy. After gaining no response from her tormented brother, she continued hesitantly. "I just wanted to say _thank you_," Chad narrowed his eyes…thank you? What on earth had he done other than wreck havoc in paradise to get a _thank you _from the sister he'd neglected all his life? "I mean, what you did today was _really_ brave."

Averting his eyes, Chad laughed darkly, shaking his head in dismay; _brave. _He wasn't brave; he was the most cowardly human being alive. Bravery was saving a life, saving something, standing up for what you believe in. Now Chad was definitely determined and stubborn…but _brave? _The compliment startled him.

"Brave?"

Grace smiled compassionately, noticing his confusion. It was her turn to laugh, though much more sincerely.

"You did something selfless. You spoke to thatwoman despite _knowing_ that it was only going to make things worse for you."

A slight, anxious smile slid onto his lips, part of him wishing that this calm, normal conversation meant that they were now finally on good terms.

"-Well, I couldn't have the press swarming around your house G. It would be_ pretty_ intense for you guys." He replied, gazing hopefully into her eyes.

Grace felt her eyes stinging from the tears building up behind them. Attempting to blink them away, she drew her brother into a firm embrace, resting her head on his shoulder. Returning the comforting hug, Chad sighed. He and Grace were a bit like himself and Sonny Monroe, two opposites. But it was this repelling force that brought them closer together. And little did they know every time they argued, the bond between them grew stronger. Everytime they pushed each other away, a new link was stitched between them. Pressing his eyes shut for a moment, Chad drew his sister closer.

"G," he whispered nervously. "I'll do_ whatever_ it takes to put things right between us again."

Releasing her grip from her brother, Grace Mia Cooper smiled up at her brother, tears on her face. It seemed Fate had leniently pushed away the obstructions on the chessboard for a moment. This was the moment, the moment the world could turn against him, or give him something to work with, something he so desperately didn't want to lose. It was horrific to think he'd wrapped his family up in a box, and buried it in the ground years ago, because that had to be the biggest mistake he'd ever made. No family, no _nothing. _It seemed this nightmare was good at highlighting his wrongs and _brilliant _at hiding his humanity. Swallowing-hard, Chad waited apprehensively for his sister's response.

"Chad," she sighed, averting her gaze from her brother. Chad bit his lip, not liking the sound of her tone. "you really don't need to do that."

Pause.

And if the insides of Chad Dylan Cooper weren't already battered and fucked up enough – his heart was definitely in oblivion now, his mind frazzled, his muscles weak; hope lost. Before he could try and form words on his trembling lips, eyes glistening with tears, he captured her beautiful eyes with his own. _Please. Please _don't let me go. Please, please forgive me G. Grace was the only thing he had in this world to hold on to. He couldn't lose her, he _wouldn't. _But it seemed from her words once again, Chad Dylan Cooper had screwed up big time, and there was nothing he could do to put right the broken relationship. She continued her words slowly.

"_because,_" a small smile slipped on her face, removing some of the dread on Chad's face. "we're perfect how we are right now, and I forgive you."

Exhaling a held breath, Chad glowered at his sister for a moment, shock plastered over his face. _What- _wow. He hadn't seen that coming. He wasn't sure Fate had either, because he could hear it shrieking behind him.

"_Geesh _G, are you trying to kill me? Talk about _drawing it out_." He exclaimed, a wide smile framing his lips.

Shrugging lightly, Grace laughed bashfully.

"Just following the Mackenzie Falls fashion."

Pulling his sister into a tight, affirming embrace, Chad chuckled – a genuine, laugh.

"G, you're the best sister in the _whole wide world." _He whispered, a swell of happiness bursting through his body. Nothing, not even Fate's crazy games could destroy this one moment where he forgot about the world he was living in, what had happened to Sonny Monroe. Releasing herself from his grip, Grace raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"_Just _the world?"

Affectionately, Chad rolled his eyes, a goofy smile on his lips.

"_Nah, _I guess the whole universe too."

Exchanging looks of relief with Grace that they were officially on good terms, finally back to the relationship they'd had in their childhood, Chad felt a fraction of his heart put itself back into place- only a small piece, because no matter how brilliant this moment was, Sonny Monroe was still missing. Sonny Monroe still wasn't here. Due to his selfishness, the way he'd treated her, the _words _he'd callously yelled. She was gone, drifting in nothingness. Maybe she wasn't even _alive. _Panic flooded into his eyes. Grace didn't detect the shift in his behaviour, for she was cradling Jamie in her arms. Glancing over towards Grace and Jamie, Chad sighed.

He'd put right one wrong in his life.

But there was still one left, one that seemed _impossible _to fix.

…what if it _was _impossible to fix?

Wiping his eyes, Chad dwelled on that thought.

Allison Monroe: the woman who _didn't exist_.

He wasn't sure how much longer he could live with that.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

_A million miles have led me to this place_

_Where all I've ever loved had been erased _

_Changing my song to a disenchanted lullaby_

_With a name I never really felt was mine._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º **

It was a mild Autumn evening on the 9th October, though hints of an overbearing winter appeared in the frosty air outside. As the day faded into night, a smartly dressed Doctor Nick Pearson sat, secluded, on his leather sofa. He'd been doing this for exactly three hours now. Although, ever so often he stood up and paced the warmly decorative room with a pensive glow in his eye. Within these three hours, his mind had been focused on one thing; one patient; Chad Dylan Cooper. There was something admirably genuine in the haunting sapphire eyes. He was certain those eyes had once been flooded with endless hope, but the intensity of reality hit Hope like a drought, draining the eyes of the rich, profound layers they once captured. It was a sad sight, to see Hope depart from someone's eyes, regardless of however well acquainted he was with them.

Stroking his untidy stubble across his jaw-line, Pearson gazed over his case notes, making sure to drink a good portion of the red wine on the table before doing so, because _god, _he really needed it. He had come to the conclusion an hour and a half ago, when the final speck of sunlight kissed the earth's brow, that in all of his seventeen years in the medical vocation, Chad Dylan Cooper was _the most _baffling of cases. There was simply no other means of trying to explain this case: '_On the 8__th__ September I wished Sonny Monroe didn't exist and I think it came true_'. It had taken Pearson another forty minutes to deduce exactly _why_ this case was so baffling.

Several of his celebrity patients had suffered PSTD, hysteria, anxiety, insomnia and phobias to a terrifying degree. He'd seen them all: the fallen stars that were trapped in hallucinations; drug addicts; alcoholics. He'd met ones that heard the voices; the ones that had suddenly become frightened of their job, their life- _themselves._ He'd seen celebrities in the deepest of secrecy, to the degree where not even the media detected something was wrong with the client. Some locked themselves away in their fancy mansions, refusing to be seen by anyone but him so he could discuss with them ways to overcome the suicidal feelings, or the alarming anorexia.

He'd been shouted at, called _horrible _things; he'd been pushed around a couple of times, and _almost _beaten up by one of the biggest names of Hollywood. And despite the traumatic cases he'd taken on, the threats he'd received, the persistent need for the press to quiz him, he _never _burst under the pressure and named the patients who came to him in confidence. He _always _refused to disclose any personal information, patient confidentially was vital. Someone had told him once that they believed even if a truth serum had been slipped into his drink, Pearson would _still _retain all information. Overall, he resembled, especially to the ones who had been cured and treated, a caring friend as opposed to a Doctor.

That was just his aura.

His constant calmness was renowned, endearing. But however calm he appeared on the outside, the genetics that made him, his _DNA, _his blood- it was laced in grit-determination. And it was this rather modest quality merged with the famous collective state of mind he held that was the key to his success. Even with the toughest of patients, Pearson strode forwards on that white horse of his. Chad Dylan Cooper _was _one of those impossible, exciting cases; a tough patient. The bizarre thing about the whole case was that Chad Dylan Cooper's behaviour was completely and absolutely normal, with no hints of severe mental illness. His claims of Sonny Monroe were so _raw _and honest that it appeared almost an act of ignorance to just call her an illusion without investigating further into the matter. Nick Pearson, of course, recalled that Mr. Cooper had been egoistic, arrogant and demonically sarcastic his entire life. This sudden, and _shocking,_ shift in his character seemed far too…_real _to be an effect of mental illness alone.

The mind was a complex, frightening thing. In fact, it was so hard to analyse the brain properly. Although incredible advancements in technology, theories and dissertations on the subject by _masters _in the profession- there were times where diagnosed patients were in fact wrongly diagnosed, and those dismissed were the ones with psychological issues…was it possible Mr. Cooper fell into the small minority that simply could _not _be diagnosed? It was beginning to seem plausible more and more each day. Yet one thing kept him suspicious; Sonny Monroe.

Allison Monroe: that alleged love of Mr. Cooper's life, the one who had been wished away, the one who no longer existed…but paradoxically, _somehow,_ according to Chad Dylan Cooper, _did _exist.

Pearson had started off with the basic things. He'd searched for an address, a phone number, a _person; _nothing showed up. Despite this, a peculiar _urgency _filled his mind. Hours into his first enquiry, the first telephone call, he found his mind had been divided; part of him desired to find proof that she did exist, the other part of him desired to find proof that she didn't. It would have been _so _much easier to stop there -Nick Pearson didn't _want _to; he wanted to delve further into this mystery. The more Allison Monroe entered his mind, the more intriguing and fascinating the whole scenario became. He'd tried the birth centre and things he _really _wasn't supposed to have access to (But with his charm, he had managed to scan through federal archives and documents). At one point he found himself attempting to create her face in his mind- _what colour eyes did she have?_ After days of searching, _re_searching, to Pearson's dismay, he found nothing.

Allison (Sonny) Monroe, born 10th October, Wisconsin 1987 was nowhere to be found on records; _nowhere_.

Allison Monroe was as real as the Tooth Fairy; fact. It was a fact he could not disprove, a fact he didn't want to be true, for Mr. Cooper's sake. But all the evidence proved it was.

It was after those days of investigating, that he realised. He realised it as he sat, secluded, on the leather sofa. He realised it on that mild, Autumn night in October what it was about this case that made it so tough. _No. _Not just tough- brutal.

Sooner or later, he was going to have to drop the bombshell on Chad Dylan Cooper and reveal the truth.

The truth being that Sonny Monroe does not exist.

She's nothing but an illusion.

And that was a_ fact._

A cold,

Hard,

Fact.

* * *

Voila (: hope you liked it!

The Pearson scene was something I wanted to do for a long time, and now seemed like a good time to have his viewpoint, I tried to change the writing style a bit for his POV- I hope you noticed it was a bit more wordy and matter-of-fact. That's kind of one part of Pearson that doesn't really surface through the calm nature of him, so I thought I'd be nice to show it in the narration(:

Let's Get loud by the Baseballs and Cantina band by John Williams are the two songs that completely sum up Vicky Harvord. Haha. She was so much fun to write, she's really such a whacky character.

Until next time,

Reviews much appreciated,

Izzy


	10. Dragon in the Hallway, Broken Fairytales

I'm not really sure what to write up here- it's been literally years since this was updated and I completed the synopsis.

**I'm sorry it's been a long wait for the next installment**, I took some time out of writing, and I had other things in my life that I had to put first.

Naturally, my writing style has changed and altered with the time out, but I've tried my best to stay true to the style of this story, along with some experiments of different techniques for certain parts for reasons that I feel are justified. (Poor Chad can't be locked in a world of metaphors and deep thought all the time after all!)

I'm SO GRATEFUL for all of the patience people have had with this, and love for this story. Your reviews and comments have really inspired me to continue the project and keep going.

There is only _ONE chapter left after this of Part One_ (which most of it I wrote before any of the other chapters…so I just need to tweak it.) and then we're onto Part Two!

I really hope you enjoy this installment; it's a little long – as usual – but hope you like it.

I'd advise a quick skim over the previous chapter as this one jumps forwards a little in time (only a few weeks).

Enjoy!

* * *

Sonny Monroe, the _**L**__ove_ of your life, never did exist

She was just an _**I**__llusion_. A feeble, narrow _**E**__s__c__ape_ route from the painful reality: you made her up. All

in your head, a nice dream, that's all _**S**__he _was. They're lying to you.

They told you **LIES**.

Deception.

...**W h a t ' s - L e f t - O f - M e**

AnalystProductions 2012

_-:¦:-•:*'""*:•.-:¦:-•* Be Careful what you wish for, it may just come true *•-:¦:-•:*'''''*:•-:¦:-_

* * *

**PART ONE: OUT OF MY MIND**

Sooner or later, he was going to have to drop the bombshell on Chad Dylan Cooper and reveal the truth.

The truth being that Sonny Monroe does not exist.

She's nothing but an illusion.

And that was a_ fact._

A cold,

Hard,

Fact.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

**9. Dragon in the hallway, Broken Fairytales 9.**

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_8__th__ November 2009 _

_Well, it's been a while since I've written anything in this journal. _

_I'm sorry. _

_Sometimes the pain is just too much to bear. When writing this down; the reality sinks in that Sonny Monroe is really gone. And fuck. It just hurts more each time. It's not ever my heart that I feel breaking anymore, it's Sonny's. The heart I mercilessly wished stopped beating. The heart that __**never**__ was, because I made it so. _

_I made it so exactly two months ago. _

_Pearson still doesn't believe me; I can tell he tries to conceal his concern on his visits. He comes to the house a lot now. It used to be the occasional visit. I've pretended not to notice that his visits are more frequent, and longer. I'm still shocked at how he's the only one able to initiate responses from me. He asks me all sorts of questions, shows an interest – he seems to be one of the few who still cares about Chad Dylan Cooper._

_I know if I were him, I wouldn't care. After everything I've done, even without including the demolition of a beautiful soul, I wouldn't care for me. _

_I don't care for me. _

_Hollywood doesn't care for me much either. The press have been milking my story more than ever recently, especially as Mackenzie Falls ratings are dropping radically. Apparently, fans can only take Mackenzie being in a coma for so long – and that time is beginning to run out fast. Main characters, characters that had been in the show since it began, have left in fear of losing their jobs. _

_Jobs of talented actors that have been plunged into turmoil – all because of me. _

_Harvord's initial article about me back in October wasn't as bad as I thought. She kept her side of the deal after all. _

_On the down side, she phones me on a fortnightly basis, demanding me to answer questions in order to maintain our little deal. I have no other choice but to comply. Besides, it could be worse. Grace and Jamie aren't anywhere to be found in the media, or any indication of our whereabouts. _

_If it keeps them safe and out of the limelight- of course I'll do it. _

_In a strange way, Harvord's articles about me have created this public support for me, some hope for 'Sonshine' to be real, some hope I realise she's not real. Harvord has got more personal with her questions recently – prying about anecdotes to do with Sonny that I haven't told anyone. _

_I tell her them, a little sickened at the fact Sonny's name is being used to give me a better name. _

_Grace smiles a little in pity when she realises I'm thinking about her- which is practically every second. We never say her name in the house anymore. Pearson and Grace thought it would be good for me. _

_I never say her name out loud anymore. _

_But it's always with me, always whispered in everything I do - which to be honest isn't much- even Grace has noticed my lack of willingness to do anything this week. I didn't even leave my room yesterday. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. _

_I just sat on my bed. _

…_How can I possibly do anything when she's not here?_

_.._

_10__th__ November 2009 _

_It snowed today- I haven't seen snow for a while. _

_I spent the day with Jamie, making a snowman and creating snow angels. Sonny and I did that when it snowed once. When I close my eyes, it's as if I'm back there with here, her angelic face glowing in the white powder dusted around us. She pulled my hat over my face. _

_She has a bubbly sense of humour, one that's endearing and rare to find because it's so genuine. _

_I pulled my hat off my face, and gazed into the amused brown eyes, crinkled slightly by that toothy grin. Then I pushed her into the pile of snow behind her. But I ended up falling down with her, and we both laughed for what felt like hours. _

_Then I leant in and kissed her, feeling her smile against my lips._

_It's one of my fondest memories of her – of us. _

_Before I destroyed everything._

_.._

_15__th__ November 2009_

_The fresh snow has pretty much cleared now, leaving that mushy, muddy snow nobody likes. I picked Jamie up from school today. I had to use Grace's car, wear horribly cheap sunglasses and cover my face just to go. It's the first time I've been outside of the house since I got here. Although according to Grace I look nothing like the Hollywood movie star anymore. _

_In the car, Jamie asked me about my imaginary friend. I asked him about school. He asked me if his imaginary friend would never come back like mine._

_I wasn't sure what to say to that. So we drove back in silence, and I went back to my room._

_Maybe it's a good thing I spend all my time up here, away from the outside world._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_Life is so degrading, and I'm pretty sure I hate it. _

_I gotta get myself out of this town. _

_Before I'm broken down, lying shattered on the ground, _

_For all the world to see who I am._

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

The 16th November had so far proven itself to be another _dreary _day in this dismal world. Chad had confined himself to the kitchen today, deciding that if he spent the majority of the day washing up plates or whatever he could find rather than putting it in the dishwasher, it would try and take his mind off things. Grace had taken the day off work, her excuse being she was owed holiday anyway and could use a day of peace and quiet before Jamie came back from school. But Chad knew the reason; she didn't want him here alone anymore, by himself, stuck in the solitude where he could reside in his thoughts. Many times, they had discussed the possibility of Chad getting a local job here.

Then the cruel reminder of his fame, his _secret location _and the incident with Vicky Harvord made its way back into conversation. It was for the best that Chad stayed here, in the house. Brushing the sponge over the plate, Chad Dylan Cooper glanced over at his clearly concerned sister. He forced a brave smile just for her, nudging her with his foot.

"I'm fine Grace. Really. Even Pearson said so last week."

_Lie. _Pearson didn't say anything of the kind and he was sure his sister knew that too. Instead she played his game.

"Always assuming everything is about you eh?" she teased, pushing her brother playfully as she reached for the plate on the draining board that needed wiping over.

Grinning a little, Chad flicked a handful of bubbly water at her face.

"No need for _that _tone GMC."

He remembered how distraught she had been when he first called her that at school, before he auditioned for Mackenzie Falls. They had been learning about Genetically Modified crops and foods. Chad had smirked and told Grace Mia Cooper that her initials _really _stood for a Genetically Modified Cooper. She had indignantly walked home without him, and told Mum the second she got in. Their Mum took _her side _of course. She always had taken Grace's words as gospel, until Chad became famous of _course. _He smiled sadly at the thought of how life and people had changed over the course of his prominence in acting.

"You think you're _so_ funny!" she replied, wiping her face of the water with a radiant smile.

"I don't think I am G, I _know._"

The old smugness he used to wear on his sleeve returned for a moment, fading back into the horizon as he recalled how Sonny Monroe had once told him he'd be good in comedy. Before Grace could respond, the doorbell rang. Anxiously the siblings exchanged glances. Placing the tea towel on the counter, Grace Mia Cooper shot his brother a reassuring smile before leaving the kitchen.

Picking up a plate, Chad dipped it into the warm water lightly. It was kind of therapeutic, scrubbing the dirt off the plates, washing them down until they sparkled magnificently with promise and sheen; a bit like Hollywood. Chad recalled that far off fairy-tale land of riches, pseudo-happiness, pseudo-_life._ His life in Hollywood had only ever been real the years he had known Sonny Monroe. Before that, he was just another superstar who masked his real personality. After that, well…after Sonny Monroe. Nothing. No Hollywood, no _life…_Chad supposed that this life here, in Grace's house, was the new pseudo- life he'd created for himself. As much as he wanted it to last, he knew it wouldn't. He couldn't go on without Sonny forever.

"Chad!" Grace whispered, opening the door cautiously, her eyes full of something he was unable to at first identify.

The words that Chad had never expected his sister to utter left her lips as she pressed the door shut with her palms quickly in agitation. Then he identified what was glowing in her eyes: shock.

Chad, Mum's here.

Almost choking on the air around him, the blonde man dropped the plate he had been washing up back into the sink. _What?_ Grace was not the only one he had lost family connections with. But this was completely different. He hadn't _intentionally _cut Grace off for years. His mother was a whole different story on the other hand. All she cared for was to live vicariously, soak up Chad Dylan Cooper's success and use it for her own means. Chad wasn't a person; he was a victory trophy, a shiny medal branding the Cooper name into this world of superfluity. Scowling, the blonde glowered at his sister.

"Why didn't you tell me she was coming?" he hissed, terrified of being overheard by the fire-breathing cougar-dragon, _definitely _capable of death, in the hallway.

"I didn't know _either, _she just _appeared!" _she said back in a small voice.

"Chad? Are you here?" The voice in the hallway called, removing the shoes which would most likely be Prada or something ridiculously expensive.

Gesturing towards the door, Grace griped the handle and plastered on a false smile. Chad found himself doing a similar thing, as the door opened his eyes met Molly Cooper. She was an exceptionally thin, glamorous woman, with short grey hair and lips painted in a dark maroon colour. Her clothes were lavishly decorated in jewellery, the clothes themselves probably costing more than Grace's wardrobe put together. Her beady eyes widened when she caught the sight of her son cowering – no not cowering, Chad Dylan Cooper didn't _cower, _just hiding – behind Grace. Extending her arms, she squealed.

"Oh _Chad_." Her squeal faded as she properly examined her son.

His dirty blonde hair was ruffled messily over his forehead. Facial hair overgrown and unshaven, his vast blue eyes were sunken into his head in fatigue. His pale complexion had an almost sickly glow to it. Not to mention his body was a little less muscular and scrawnier than she had remembered it to be. Frowning, she stared into his eyes.

"You look terrible- I demand you shave all that off right now." She gestured to his face in disgust. He raised his eyebrows, refusing to reply. She had lost the authority and power to do make him do anything a _long _time ago. "I've been _so _worried about you."

She wasn't worried _about _him. She was worried about his reputation which thus would affect her own. Limply, Chad fell into the woman's firm embrace, and pulled a face of distaste at his sister whose lips failed to hide a smirk.

"We…weren't expecting you." Grace said slowly, to her relief not receiving the same, intense hug her brother had done. Chad had always been the more accomplished Cooper, after all.

"Well I thought I'd come and see my beautiful children, which reminds me," she pulled the suitcase out from behind her, practically inviting herself to stay. "Do you mind if I stay for a few days?"

Chad rolled his eyes and tried to make his way towards the kitchen to escape. _Great. _Now she'd _never _leave. She'd constantly be terrorising him, antagonising him about this whole 'situation'. His privacy would be infringed. No doubt she would try and arrange for him to get involved in _more _publicity. He and Grace were handling everything just fine by themselves. In fact, the past few days they'd gotten on better than ever. They didn't _need _her here. She was a catalyst, waiting to detonate a bomb.

"Um…sure Mum," Grace reluctantly replied, quickly regaining her smile. "you can take the guest room."

No! She could _not _take the guest room, that was _Chad's room, _Chad's private thinking area. Now he was going to have to strive even _harder _for peace and quiet.

"But-"

"-Chad can take the couch," she turned to Chad, eyes pleading for him to accept the offer. She batted her eyelids sweetly for an added effect of encouragement. "_right Chad_?"

Unable to do anything but _comply_, Chad shrugged casually. He wanted to make the next few days as _easy as possible _for Grace. Giving up a few days of peace and solitude would be the least of his worries.

"Sure."

Propping herself elegantly onto the crimson sofa, Molly Cooper sat down, pulling out a pile of Celebrity Gossip magazines, all with Chad Dylan Cooper's face plastered over them. Holding them up one by one, as if exhibiting them to the siblings like they were precious family photos, she dramatically frowned. Christ, she'd been here for less than _five minutes _and already she'd skipped past courtesies and made it clear why she was here. Chad pursed his lips in annoyance, teeth gritted tightly behind the wall.

"The press are being extremely unfair and mean to my poor baby. Now," she said licking a finger to peel over one of the pages of Heat Magazine. "tell me this Sonny Monroe business is just a rumour blown out of proportion so we can move on from all of this."

Silence. Grace and Chad exchanged glances, neither sure what to say. Their mother snorted at the title page of the OK!Magazine which read: Chad Dylan Cooper - a Hollywood blooper? Chad couldn't deny the catchy ring to the rhyme, damn journalists and their ingenious crafting of words, but nonetheless spared a second to take offense. A blooper? Is that how his career of almost a decade was perceived as? He was the _greatest actor _of his generation. Even Sonny Monroe had told him, countless times (after much persuasion).

"What a load of washed up _nonsense_ from talentless journalists trying to pick on my son-"

The word nonsense, Chad realised, had just been associated with _her. _Snapping back into focus, he narrowed his eyes.

"-It's not nonsense. And the press aren't spreading _rumours. _She's real, and I'm going to find her." Chad vowed, meeting his mother's stern gaze.

Grace gripped one side of the sofa for support once she saw the smouldering look on their mother's face. It instantly melted into a sweet, yet crude, smile.

"You're _joking_."

Unable to take the tensions bottling up, the blonde made his way towards the stairs.

"No Mum, I'm not." He said defiantly.

Part of him felt guilty for leaving his sister downstairs, defenceless against the dragon in the hallway. She didn't even have a shield to block the infernos spitting from the sharp tongue and scaly mouth. He could hear the pair of them talking now, Molly Cooper bombarding question after question, leaving Grace no choice but to engage. However, when he made it to the room that was no longer going to be his, he simply lay down on the bed and released a tense chuckle at his own thoughts. 'Dragon in the hallway'…maybe _he _should have a shot at being a journalist.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over_

_Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done_

_But I don't wanna live that way_

_Reading into every word you say_

_You said that you could let it go_

_And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_16__th__ November 2009_

_My mother is infuriating! I can't believe she's here after everything. She only cares about her stupid label and reputation. _

_Speaking of mothers…_

…_Just added another important thing to the list of Sonny Monroe: Her mother is Connie Monroe – who seems to have no recollection of having a daughter in this world. _

_I'm trying desperately to think of connections, people who might just be able to confirm her existence. I've tried the obvious ones: Marshall, Zora, Nico, Grady, Tawni…_

_Portlyn has crossed my mind a couple of times, one of my only true friends in the other world, and probably in this one too. But I have no way of contacting her, and I'm sure in this place I've probably done something to offend her and we're not talking. Every relationship here seems to be skewed by me. _

_I think I've got enough here in this journal to prove to anybody that I couldn't have made all this up though. Nobody's mind could possibly be this detailed and elaborate in the creation of one person and their life story. _

_The back pages of this journal finally reached 25 pages of solid, factual information about Sonny. The front…I'm not really sure why I continue to write what I do in here. _

_Maybe these entries too will help prove her existence?_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_So be careful what you wish for_

_You just might get it_

_If this is what you live for_

_You might as well forget it_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

"Remember," Grace said sternly as she made her way towards the front door where a silhouette was standing. "_No funny business _Chad, he's here to help you."

"Grace I-"

"-Who is it?" Chimed Molly Cooper, nosily barging through the hallway to the door.

Thank god it was her fourth and _penultimate _day here.

"Just Doctor Pearson Mum, _come on._ Let's leave them to it." Without checking whether her mother agreed, Grace tugged the woman into the kitchen, making note to shut the door firmly behind so Chad and the Doctor could be left in peace.

Opening the front door, Chad came face to face with an-ever handsome, calm Pearson who admittedly blinked a little in surprise at the sight before him. Neither said a word, no hello or special greetings; it was obvious Chad just wanted to get straight down to what they were here to do.

Pearson sat down on the crimson sofa, retrieving the notebook from his briefcase, and his usual flashy golden pen from his pocket. Silence was strung up by its neck, dangling in the air dismally. Chad Dylan Cooper had attempted to untie the noose with shaking hands, because if he could save a small piece of his world from enveloping into what it did when he was trapped in his own solitude, forever tortured by his own mind, he'd do so. Silence was something he relished, something that could wipe out everything else apart from itself. In the past few days it had proven itself a true friend, an ally in the war against this place; an ally in the quest to find Sonshine. Then, and _only _then would silence be broken fully, would he be broken fully.

Silence swayed back and forth slowly, and if you were to gaze upon this scene you may have misinterpreted it for a rare tranquillity in Chad Dylan Cooper's life. But this wasn't so; it couldn't be further from reality. Unaware that seconds had dissolved into minutes, time was not a concept he liked to dwell on in this cruel limbo, Chad gently lowered his hands from the swinging corpse.

He had failed. Just like he had failed to save Sonny Monroe.

Silence died, it ceased to exist. The talk was about to begin. Adjusting the DKNY glasses on his face, Pearson _calmly _broke Chad from his morbid staring across the room. Falling under the serene trance for a moment, the blonde turned to meet those meditative eyes, and raised his eyebrows to gesture he was listening.

"How are you feeling today ?"

Chad almost snorted at Pearson's constant politeness. The fact that the pair had been meeting for almost four weeks now, and he _still _called Chad '', gave a slight detachment between them. Their relationship hadn't really changed, and Chad appreciated it. He was still rude, dismissive; Pearson was still enigmatically simple and bizarrely calm. Part of him wondered if the Doctor knew this, knew Chad needed that someone in his life distant enough to not hurt, and close enough to _sometimes _open up to. Not that their meetings resembled anything like a normal clear-cut conversation.

But Pearson somehow made Chad speak about things almost offhandedly, subconsciously even.

He gave him breathing space.

Space that was just big enough to fill with big hazel eyes, pearly white teeth, soft brown curls. Then between each of these, he gently tucked in her laugh, her kiss, her scent – and embedded within this was hatred, a burning inferno of loathing and regret that threatened to sometimes seep through the cracks and singe these precious memories.

He never let his self-abhorrence rescind the memories.

Because that would be _so typical_ of Chad Dylan Cooper: to drown in pity for himself, for everything he had become. To divert all his pain and suffering from the _real _victim and to himself. Everything was _always _about him. As he would drown in his woes, the currents would swallow her; engulf everything she was, everything she _is, _until all that remained was a long endless sea of tears that didn't resemble what they had accumulated for.

Chad didn't want that to happen, ever.

It was at this moment he realised he had waded in this imaginary sea for too long, watched himself drown her memories with his own hands. Clearing his throat, he pressed his hands together over his legs, and tried to process what Pearson had said. 'How are you feeling today?' To be perfectly honest, he couldn't give a flying fuck about how _he _was feeling. At least he was _able _to feel, unlike the ray of sunlight dispelled from the earth.

"…I'm…" sighing, Chad ran a hand over his unshaven face. He could feel his cheekbones had dug a hollow into each side beneath the thick golden mane. Throat a little tight, he quickly continued. "Fine."

The echo of a life that never was flashed through his mind.

Fine.

_Fine. _

Good-

"-Good."

Doc saw right through his façade. He always did, with those penetrating green eyes. But his calm persona never broke, never endangered Chad by interrogating him with constant 'why's and more 'why's and more stupid freaking questions he really did not want to sit down and answer right now. Not when the world was ending, the apocalypse drawing closer and closer each day.

"Do you mind if I take down your weight?"

Pearson wasn't stupid. Chad knew why he had asked this question. Shit.

Swallowing-hard, Chad bit his lip. He could feel that nervous shiver passing through his body. Truth was, he hadn't really eaten properly for _weeks. _Food wasn't that appealing to him, tasteless. Pretending he thought he was intolerant to something in Grace's meals – which were always homely and wholesome - had been his initial excuse to refuse food. Grace wasn't stupid either. She had looked at him with sad, weary eyes, clearly too drained from the past few months to argue about it. They had promised each other no more arguments, and then Jamie was sulking because he didn't like carrots and wouldn't eat them unless his uncle did too, and it was just enough of a distraction to drop the subject.

But she'd still leave his food in the fridge, in case he changed his mind and miraculously found his appetite. Recently, his own healthhad become insignificant. Chad never looked at himself anymore. When entering the bathroom to shower, he didn't gaze at the mirror. When looking out the window, he didn't pause for a minute moment to focus on his ghostly reflection. When walking down the hallway, he kept his gaze low to avoid greeting himself. Trouble sleeping had come next. Pearson had prescribed him with insomnia pills a few weeks ago. At first, Chad had thrown them back in his face, leaving the Doctor with a slightly tender cheek. Then the Doctor had unexpectedly _laughed – _the first expression of this kind Chad had ever heard from the man – and nestled the pills against the flowers by the front door.

For reasons Chad didn't understand – nothing was ever comprehendible with Pearson- he had retrieved the medication and obediently tried them for a while. In return, longer undisturbed periods of sleep met him in the darkness, kissing his forehead softly. But also with it was a void. At night his dreams were void; his mind was void. The notion that he had been giving up hours of time not thinking about Sonshine and how to somehow get her back, _indulging _in dreams, had unnerved him so much that poured the bright yellow pills fall into the dark abyss. Each small capsule was powerless, falling at gravity's will into the sinkhole. He couldn't help but compare this to Sonny's supernatural demise.

Narrowing his eyes, the blonde man hostilely replied.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

The man before him frowned, gesturing to Chad's body as he scribbled something down on his notepad.

"If I recall correctly, that shirt you're wearing wasn't baggy at all when we first met." He observed lightly.

Unable to control his panic, disguised as rage, Chad snarled.

"It's been stretched, that what happens to clothes."

Pearson, to Chad's relief, doesn't press any further on the subject. Instead, he motions towards the man's face, interest masking the handsome features.

"Your beard is coming along."

Crossing his legs, he adjusted the chunky glasses riming his soft eyes. Ploughing a hand down his face, Chad let a bitter laugh escape. The Doctor rarely had to ask for answers now. He merely prompted, allowing Chad to divulge as little or as much as he wished- _wished –_the word smeared an unpleasant revulsion over his skin. He had tried to scrub off this grime, that terrible word he'd used. However, it always remained, sticking to each pigment sinisterly.

"It's a reminder." He began slowly. "it reminds me of how long I've been stuck here. It reminds me of my mistake, of how I murdered her."

Rubbing his forehead, Nick Pearson sighed. He removed his glasses, gazing at Chad through eyes that seemed almost as weary and sad as Grace's with closer inspection. The dazzling emerald had declined to a more modest shade of green, swelling with confusion and most likely fatigue. Chad had never _once _asked Pearson how _he _was, what _he _spent the rest of his time doing. For a moment, guilt swathed his pale complexion. He didn't need to ask now properly examining the Doctor. It was apparent the Doctor had moved all his focus to Chad Dylan Cooper.

With his usual simplicity, Pearson proposed another question, a dangerous one.

"How can you murder someone that doesn't exist?"

Rage. Distress. Fury, exploded from the man sat opposite him.

"I told you the day I met you. I tell you every time we sit here." Chad spat darkly, almost resignedly. "I wished she didn't exist. Therefore, I murdered her."

Propping the glasses back onto his head, the Doctor put the notepad and pen on the coffee table, hands clasped together for a moment. He appeared to be lost for a moment in thought, _calm, collected_ thought. Then unclipping his briefcase, he pulled out a wad of files reluctantly. Instantly, Chad knew what they were, eyes wide. He got them out every time he visited now, as a reminder to the blonde the difference between fact and fiction. The files landed on the table between them. Leaning towards the man, Pearson gestured towards the file.

"You know what they are." Chad swallowed-hard, tears threatening to permeate his sapphire eyes. His tone softened slightly, taking on a reassuring one. "I wouldn't tell you this each time we sit here, if I didn't know _for sure_ it was true."

Pause.

There it was again. The allegation Chad had to listen to week on week.

Sonny Monroe does not exist.

She's nothing but an illusion.

And that was a_ fact._

A cold,

Hard,

Fact.

The files clattered on the floor chaotically as Chad brushed his arm aggressively over the table. Unfazed, Pearson picked up the files and put them back on the table.

Sonny Monroe does not exist.

She's nothing but an illusion.

Chad knocked the files back off the table in resilience, eyes darkening. He was fed up with all of this shit. The world thinking he was making this up, some even believing it to be a freaking _publicity stunt, _a sick joke- he wasn't sure how much longer he could endure this naïve, unkind world that lacked that kindness, beauty and radiance of sunlight. Without thinking, he leant over towards the Doctor.

"You want proof that she's real?" he said daringly.

It was now or never.

The Doctor's expression faltered a little, curiosity overpowering his usual calm nature. Studying the blonde man in front of him, he pushed his glasses up his nose. Was it…_possible? _Could this whole fiasco really be true and not a psychological reaction to constant strain and stress in Hollywood? No. He'd searched every database available to him; he _still _checked places he hadn't thought of. He even had a few trusted colleagues in the field doing research, trying to validate the diagnosis- which he remained uncertain of. How could you diagnose somebody who was _so _unbelievably set on a different reality? _Was _he from a different reality? …was there a world where Allison Monroe once lived?

Pearson had always enjoyed sci-fi novels, and films alike, but found he had to refrain from indulging in this genre. Because it broadened his imagination to things that shouldn't be possible, and made all sorts of _crazy _notions somehow a little less crazy and more like a puzzle to be solved. Chad frantically pushed his hand underneath the cushion behind him, reaching for the maroon, slightly tattered notebook. The diary he had working on, documenting everything about her…it was his last chance. His final shot at proving her existence.

"I have a book…" he mumbled, fumbling deeper in the sofa. "I've written down everything about her."

Panic tore through his veins as his fingers brushed over the grooves in the back of the sofa. The book wasn't there. Gazing over at a _calm _Pearson, Chad stood up.

She's nothing but an illusion.

"_No, _where is it?" he cried, loud enough to stir the two woman who had retreated to the kitchen.

Hauling the cushion away, Chad slowly dug his fingers deeper into the sofa. Lifting the bottom of the sofa, he threw the rest of the cushions off manically. Grace watched in horror, clutching her mother in a firm grip.

"-What's he _doing _Grace stop him-"

Sonny Monroe does not exist.

"-This has gone _too far-"_

She's nothing but an illusion.

Pausing, Chad toppled the sofa over in rage. He spun around quickly. Somebody had done this, somebody had taken it from him.

"Did…" he felt the throbbing in his throat. "Did you do this?" voice low; dangerous, eyes locked on the Doctor. The accusation of course was ridiculous, nobody knew about the book.

Nothing.

Maybe he'd hallucinated the freaking book too.

"It was right here!" his voice became a roar, refusing to let the small beads of Hope slip through his fingertips.

Getting to his feet, Pearson reached over to Chad in concern.

"Calm _down _Mr. Cooper."

There it was again. Calm, calm, calm, calm fuckity calm calm _calm. _Well Chad didn't _want _to be calm. Grace bravely stepped forwards.

"What's going on?" she cooed, eyes locked on her little brother.

"Someone stole my book." Chad said, anger morphing into blind panic. This was bigger that he had ever imagined. Somebody was out to get him. His mind raced with questions, and his Hope suddenly grew. What if it was all a big cover-up and Sonny Monroe _was _alive? Like in those thriller movies that always took an unexpected, shocking turn of events. His eyes widened. What if she was in trouble? What if-

"-What book?" Grace whispered, stroking her brother's shoulders soothingly.

The touch was numbing to his skin. Heart pounding rapidly, breath hitching in this sore throat, Chad's vision became slightly impaired. A strange stupor descended upon his trembling body. Grace's face became blurred, the room around began to spin. He'd never noticed what a wonder and tasteful colour palette Grace had chosen for the living room, until they were mashed together chaotically in a whirlwind of confusion.

"My…" sucking in a large breath, Chad stumbled back a little, dizziness slapped him across the face. "_my book..."_

All the voices had blurred into one mesh of different tones and overlapping pitches. One replied hastily. Blindly staggering to sit, the blonde clamped his aching eyes shut. The room was still spinning. He could feel his head throbbing from it.

Sonny Monroe does not exist.

She's nothing but an illusion.

"And why would someone do that? _Why?"_

Because they're trying to take her away forever! Everyone was, all of you are. Every single one of you are.

"-Chad _please _stop shouting!" A female pleaded, and Chad assumed his thoughts had left his mouth in a wild, hysterical way. He wasn't aware of most of his conscious self now, it was as if he were detached it all, incapable of controlling himself, whilst haunting words circled his mind.

A cold,

Hard,

Fact.

It's gone.

He grinded his teeth together, pressing a hand to the bridge of his nose. _Don't listen to them, don't listen to the lies-_

"Sonny Monroe never _existed_-"

Shut-up. Just shut-up _please._

His anger crumbled to despair.

She's nothing but an illusion.

Just _stop it._

Opening his eyes once more, he let out an involuntary groan of anguish. Chad curled up in a ball, the only plausible reaction to the rapidly spinning room. His senses were completely disorientated; hearing fizzling in and out of focus.

Illusion.

Was all this an illusion?

It didn't _feel _real.

...What was real?

Fact.

Rocking back and forth solemnly, he felt tears fall down his face.

Maybe he wasn't real.

Maybe _he _was the one who didn't exist. Maybe his wish had backfired and sent _him_ away to a world of torture where Sonny Monroe could no longer be hurt by him-

-But the book's gone, _it's gone-_

-Illusion.

Illusions.

...would she miss him as much as he missed her?

Not _real._

Grace knelt by his side in concern, holding back a choked sob. He saw her mouth moving, but couldn't hear the desperate words that accompanied it:

"Pearson, what's _happened _to him?"

Chad's world began to shake violently, as Grace gently clutched his shoulder. Paralyzed in a strange state, unable to speak, unable to react; Chad tried to focus on the Doctor's words. The Doctor was closer; his glasses appeared to be levitating in the air. No. They weren't. Because that wasn't real. Focus _Chad _fucking _focus! _

"He's…shock."

Not real.

Illusions.

Levitating glasses. No.

Impossible.

…_Possible._

Improbable.

Probable-

_-_Only in _FICTION._

"More serious than... refer…Rehabilitation Centre..."

_What?_

Trembling all over, Chad felt a frenzied response burning in his chest. No. He could hear his own voice in the room, low and stretched out in a vast expanse of slow movement: _Nooo._ Why did nobody believe him? Pearson seemed to sense the blonde's response through the vacant, fearful eyes. Crouching beside the man, the Doctor stared into the eyes. Chad failed to focus on the shadow leaning over him. His glasses were still levitating-

-No, the table. They were on the table.

"I've done…"

Done what? _Done what – _turned me into a crazy person.

Illusions.

"all…. caaaaan… "

Everything was getting slower and slower, almost frozen in frame, but the spinning was getting faster.

"youuuu," he soothed, words long and low in pitch to Chad's ears. Feeling his body overcome with a dizzy sensation, he felt himself collapse into a void of darkness, slipping into unconsciousness. But that wasn't before he was able to dissect a little bit more of Pearson's dialogue.

"…trust me."

Trust me.

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

_Weep for yourself, my man,_

_You'll never be what is in your heart_

_Weep, little lion man,_

_You're not as brave as you were at the start_

_Rate yourself and rake yourself_

_Take all the courage you have left_

_Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head_

**º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º**

Grace Mia Cooper had learnt in the past few months that concealing her inner turmoil was far better for Jamie and Chad for that matter. Playing happy families, pretending all the cards were together in harmony was the best option. But of course the Cooper family was always missing _something. _The cards never sat well together, especially the more of them that there were. Taking a sip of her tea slowly, she stared over the cup to her motionless mother. The woman was staring out the window, grip on the kitchen surface tight. The soft murmuring through the kitchen door of Doctor Pearson's voice could be heard, and sometimes mixed in with it was Chad's quiet voice.

Placing her cup on the table, Grace smiled lightly and took a step towards her mother.

"Mu-"

"-NO! Where is it?"

That's when the two of them broke from their thoughts, rushing into the living room. The sight was shocking, everything was happening too fast. Hauling the cushion away, Chad ploughed his way through the crimson sofa. Then abruptly he threw the remaining cushions off savagely. Swallowing-hard, Grace quickly wrapped a firm hand around her mother's arm. The last thing they wanted was for _her _to interfere. That didn't stop Molly from yelling.

"-What's he _doing _Grace stop him, this has gone _too far!"_

Chad toppled the sofa over; it fell, bringing with it the painting on the wall behind. It fell to the ground forcefully, frame cracking a little. The deranged blonde, with vacant eyes clumsily stumbled towards Pearson in a manner that could suggest he was heavily intoxicated.

"Did you do this?" his voice was slightly slurred and low, eyes locked on the Doctor. Grace felt her heart rocket as Chad's voice rose once more.

"It was right here!"

Getting to his feet, Pearson reached over to Chad in concern, gesturing for Grace to usher her mother and herself for that matter away. She didn't move. This was her _brother, _she was responsible for him. Feeling the tears betray her determination, she frowned. Had she caused all this pent-up rage? She never talked to Chad about...about the situation. They pretended it wasn't happening. _Pretended_. Oh the irony of that.

"Calm _down _Mr. Cooper."

Stepping forwards without hesitation, Grace studied Chad with watery eyes.

"What's going on?" she cooed, eyes locked on her little brother.

"Someone stole my book." Chad said, anger morphing into blind panic. His mind seemed to be racing with questions, eyes distant and struggling to focus on direct objects.

"-What book?" Grace whispered, stroking her brother's shoulders soothingly.

A tremor shook his body, causing Grace to pull her brother a little closer protectively.

"My…" Chad paused, inhaling a large shaky breath. "_my book."_

Book? What _book? _What was he talking about? Grace tried desperately to figure out his meaning. He hadn't been reading anything recently. He hadn't mentioned a book. Reaching for his pulse, she was alarmed to find it was racing _way _above the norm. From the corner, the unsympathetic woman groaned, dismissing Chad's behaviour in disgust.

"And why would someone do that? _Why?" _she taunted muttering to herself 'outrage' and 'preposterous.'

A raw, gravelly voice exited Chad's mouth, loud vague words burning with fire.

"B-BECAUSE THEY'RE TRYING TO TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME FOREVER! EVERYONE, _ALL OF YOU ARE. _EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU ARE-"

"-Chad _please _stop shouting!" Grace hushed, watching her brother rock gently side to side and press a hand to his nose.

"Sonny Monroe never _existed_-" the mother continued.

Seemingly unaware of his surroundings, Chad's unclear voice resounded. Eyes clamped shut, he collapsed to the floor.

"Sh'up. Jst…sh'up _pleeeease."_

"-She's nothing but an illusion-"

"-Just _stop it. _Shut your mouth or get out of this room." Grace snapped, eyes darkening as she spun round to face her mother. She didn't waste more than a second before fiercely turning back to her brother who appeared to be losing consciousness slowly. Eyes opening, she watched her brother curl up into a ball and rock gently. Those blue eyes seemed oblivious to their surroundings, lost in a different world, lost in thoughts.

What was happening to him? Shaking him lightly, Grace watched the rocking motion get more intense. She knelt by his side in concern, holding back a choked sob. Glancing over to the Doctor, she felt her resolute nature breaking a little.

"Pearson, what's _happened _to him?"

Holding his glasses in his hand, Pearson moved closer to the pair before placing the glasses on the table.

"He's gone into a state of psychological shock." Cupping his mouth for a moment, Pearson released a sigh.

"This is much more serious than I first thought. I'm going to have to refer him to my colleague Doctor Newman at the Rehabilitation Centre."

Grace's heart stopped, and tears streamed down her face. After years of separation, they were taking him away, _again. _She couldn't even look after her brother now, she could have- she could have _helped him. _Feeling the hot sting of tears, Grace tried to speak in his defense. Things had been going _fine _before; maybe Chad was just emotionally drained. Maybe if they weren't both so god-damn stubborn, they could have got back in contact years ago. If they had - would he be in this state now? No words came out. Crouching beside the siblings, both distraught in different ways and for different reasons, the Doctor stared into Chad's empty eyes.

"I've done all I can for you now. It's the best thing for him Grace," Turning to Grace, he grabbed her hand gently, _calmly. _Meeting his eyes reluctantly, the woman squeezed the hand in need of support.

"Trust me."

Trust me.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it. Feedback much appreciated.

I hope nobody takes offence to Chad having to go to a rehabilitation centre - it's a realistic story and it's not going to be an easy ride for him. Quite excited about Doctor Newman, another OC in the story.

Take care, and I'll get the last part of PART ONE up soon!


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